OCR::/Vol_102/WLURG39_RTP_19990913/WLURG39_RTP_19990913_001.2.txt ; WASHINGTON AND LEE UNivERsiTY’s WEEKLY NEWSPAPER A_ VOLUME 102, NO. 6 FIRST DAY OF SCHOOL: Freshmen congregate outside Graham- ltheir busy first week’s schedule. ,Select freshmen receive gunusual orientation photo by Emily Bames/Photo Editor Lees dormitory during a break in LEXINGTON, VIRGINIA 24450 W&L named to noted Watson Fellowship list MONDAY, SEPTEMBER 13, 1999 Students will have the opportunity to follow dreams, pursue passions in yearlong adventure By Polly Doig EXECUTIVE EDITOR For graduation-fearing seniors who have already be- gun praying for a fairy godmother to help out, she may have arrived in the form of a $22,000 check to chase a personal passion around the world. This year Washington and Lee University was added to the exclusive list of5l small liberal arts colleges who participate in the Thomas J. Watson Fellowship Pro- gram. The Watson Fellowship, a year—long post-gradu- ate fellowship that comes with a $22,000 stipend, ranks with better known scholarships, such as the Rhodes ' and the Fulbright, but with a distinctive twist, accord- ing to professor of Spanish Jeffrey Barnett. “You start here with not what is your major, but rather, what is your passion,” said Barnett, chairman ofthe Watson Fellow- ship Committee. Since the inauguration of the fellowship program in 1968, the Watson Foundation has granted more than 2,000 awards, totaling approximately $23,137,000. Watson alumni range from the B-52’s lead guitarist to college presi- dents to NBC executives, and have traveled through myriad countries-in Search of information on anything from “The changing role of banquets in Chinese Cul- ture” to “Space, Place and Identity in the European Cir- cus.” The Watson is also unique in that it places empha- sis not so much on the product, but rather the process, that recipients undergo. As a result, Barnett has already been swamped with requests for more information, and it looks as though competition for W&L’s four nominee spots will be fierce. “I think the interest will be very strong because it’s such a great program,” senior Shannon Bell, who plans on applying, said. “Everyone that I’ve talked to about it thinks it’s so incredible and exciting.” The Watson Committee, headed up by Barnett, will aid in the selection and subsequent mentoring process for the four students W&L will nominate. Then, during the months of November through February, representa- tives of the Watson Foundation will travel around the country interviewing the four nominees at each partici- pating college. On Sept. 27th, an infonnational meeting will be held in Northen Auditorium at 7 pm. Barnett claims that in spite of a pool of more than 200 applicants nationally, chances of selection are still good, as 60 fellowships will be awarded. Further, he stresses that desire and enthusiasm are more important than grades in this case. “If you are a person who doesn’t require structure and supervision, the Watson is for you,” Barnett said. “The sky’s the limit.” Bell is equally impressed with the freedom inherent in the Watson Fellowship. “You create your own program,” Bell said. “Basically, you get paid to pursue your passion.” . For now, she is planning how to follow her own passion. “I’d like to study poverty in other English speaking countries and see how it compares to the poverty that I’ve studied in the United States,” Bell said. Shepard Poverty Program provides entering students with first-ever opportunity to experience poverty firsthand. I By Sara Lambert STAFF WRITER A group of freshmen recently participated in an orien- %tation project unusual for the W&L experience — be- coming acquainted with poverty. Almost 30 freshman worked with Total Action Against Poverty (TAP) in Roanoke during the week preceding freshman orientation, participating in various activities ‘designed to give them a feel for impoverished living con- ditions. “We got to meet people and make a real difference,” said Stacy McLoughlin, sophomore volunteer coordina- !tor for the week, when asked about the best part of the week. Some students went into the projects in Roanoke and took surveys, speaking with the tenants about whether they thought their neighborhoods are safe and what could ‘be done to alleviate their condition. Other students worked with Project Discovery, a workshop designed to encour- age prospective first generation college students to stay in school and to help high school students fill out col- 'lege applications and secure financial aid. The freshman also served as teacher’s aides in the Head Start Program, participated in evening seminars with TAP employees, and worked with Blue Ridge Housing and Development and the Transitional Living Center, helping men and women recently released from prison get back on their feet. _ “Our trip left me with a new sense of what poverty really is in America,” said freshman Gavin Douglas. “I consider myself one of a fortunate few who experienced this.” Throughout the week the students lived in Melrose Towers, a public housing project, and experienced first hand what it felt like to live in poverty. One afternoon they were given a limited budget and took the bus to experiment with buying food within cer- tain means. “Now we want to take the spark of that week and turn it into something for everyone [at W&L],” McLoughlin said. There will be a meeting Thursday at 8:15 pm in Fairfax Lounge for all those interested in volunteering in Lexing- ton, Rockbridge County, or the surrounding area. The new student group, yet to be named, will coordinate stu- dents and their interests in productive learning experi- ences that give back to the community. One idea that will be pursued is the re-facing of Head Start centers in the area. All students are encouraged to come to the meeting whether they are able to give twenty minutes or twenty hours a week, and bring ideas for service projects and an open mind. SINGLE FILE LINE KIDS: Eager seniors prepare to walk during their final Fall Convocation. Gould disputes anti- ‘ evolution decision HReknowned author angered by Kansas ” school board’s banning of evolution - life means,” said Gould. B}L]9Max Smlth Gould pointed out that most reli- TAFF WRITER . . , * gions in the world don t have a prob- The evolution debate rolled into lem with science. Lexington this week. The enormous pluralism of Prot- Noted scientist and author estantism started the debate, said Stephen Jay Gould, in town to give Gould. It has become an issue of it the Fall Convocation address, dis- personal testimony for some who cussed the “silly” decision by the now find themselves in apolitically Kansas Board of Education to make powerful position. the evolution optional in the'science Gould dismissed the Kansas de- curriculum. cision as a manuever brought about 4 “It’s like teaching English,” said by a five year campaign of Gould, “but making grammar op- evangelicals to control the board by tional. [You’re] taking the center- a single vote. Gould believes the piece out of science.” people of Kansas will reverse the K Gould wrote an editorial disagree- decision next year and elect a new ing with the Kansas Board’s deci- board. sion for Time magazine two weeks ‘ Gould argued that one cannot ago. He held a question and answer deny the mounds of evidence sup- session on the evolution debate be- porting evolution. He further criti- ‘» fore his convocation address. cized the dishonesty of the people , He argued that the issue of sci- on the Kansas school board who ence and religion is 3 question Oflim‘ provide such a limited viewpoint for its, and that the two shouldn’t mix the cun.icu1um_ ‘ and °0“fllC‘- “It’s disrespectful to the genuine “Science can’t provide guidelines for ethical behavior and what your progress we’ve made by not calling evolution ‘fact.”’ _ms.i:-:a::s-sc>\~="5 .1, /..x / photo by Polly l)oig/ Executive Editor ONWARD Ho!: Professor Merchant leads the faculty during Fall Convocation. NAACP Chair Julian Bond to speak at W&L Julian Bond, chairman of the Na- tional Association for the Advance- ment of Colored People, will speak at Washington and Lee University on Wednesday, Sept. 15. Bond’s talk, “2000: A Race Odys- sey,” will take place in Lee Chapel at 7:30 p.m. and is open to the public. Bond’s lecture will incorporate Anne Moody’s powerful autobiogra- phy, Coming of Age in Mississippi. Moody’s 1969 book, which details her SEE BOND ON PAGE 2 OPINION: BBQ Southern style W&LiEE: SPORTS: LAST WORD: Ellie ‘ifiing-tum lfilit -September 13, 1999 TMC gets face-lift, roommates Football picks up where they left off PAGE 2 PAGE 3 PAGE 4 PAGE 6 OCR::/Vol_102/WLURG39_RTP_19990913/WLURG39_RTP_19990913_002.2.txt PAGE 2 ON SEPTEMBER 13, 1999 A More northern aggresion The symptoms of my parents’case of empty nest syn- .drome didn’t commence with lingering glances of \ nostaglgia cast towards my barren bedroom. Rather, their .pre-college, oldest-daughter-leaving anxieties were hall- marked by nervous nail biting accompanied by the phrase, * “Kristen, no one does that down there. They’ll kick you . right out of W&L. Yes, apparently a nicotine habit is grounds for expul- fsion in the eyes of my mother. "You’ll be the only one - down there who smokes. They don’t do that down south.”I gently reminded her I was going to college, not a monas- tery. Admittedly I contested Ulysses S. Grant was the presi- dent of the Confederacy. Once. But believe me, it was a mistake I won’t soon make again. But barring the fact that what I know about the civil war you could fit in a thirnble (nad have room left over for southern belle etiquette), we northemers (Yankees for the layman) are not so different for you southemers. To dissolve any common misconceptions, Ny-er does not equate with “hard core”. No, I’ve never been mugged. I don’t spend more time in Grand Central Station than I do in the bathroom. (But then again, I probably don’t spend as much time any- where as I do the bathroom.) But I digress. My first clue that I wasn’t in New York anymore (toto) was the BBQ’ s do not consist of cheeseburgers and hotdogs. “This is a REAL BBQ, hon. Pork BBQ.” Interesting. A real BBQ. I suppose those northern ones must have just been Brand X ones. Fisher Price ones as opposed to the Armani Exchange BBQ’s down here. Regardless, I would have given my left arm for a steak right then. And I don’t think I’ve ever seen grits in the flesh and blood before. I think theremight have been a brief mention of it in “My Cousin Vinny” or something but when I asked what they were, someone looked at me like I’d just as- serted Roe versus Wade were canoeing options. This “Are you for real?”look that humbled my northern heritage and pride. I suppose there is a certain slang that the south never has and (fortunately?) never will adopt: “Mad heads rolling up”—”A lot of people showed up.” “I’m D.”—”Sounds good.” “I’m peacing.”—”I’m leaving.” But recognizing my blatant position as a minority, I will ' most likely succomb to the foreigh ways of this glorious j southern culture, and maybe then y’all will be more recep- L tive to our unfamiliar mannerisms. Want to work for The Ring-tum Phi? Come to a staff meeting. 7pm Tuesdays. Ellie iiting-tum ifllii Polly Doig Hollister Hovey Mike Crittenden Opinions Editor Stephanie Bianco W&Life Editors Ginger Phillips __ Elianna Marziani Sports Editor Frances Groberg Assistant Sports Editor Steele Cooper Last Word Editor Kevin McManemin Copy Editor Heather McDonald Executive Editor Associate Editor News Editor Photo Editor Emily Barnes Assistant Photo Editor Lisa Lin Online Editor Ali Soydan Circulation Director Leo Brown The Ring-tum Phi is published Mondays during the undergraduate school year at Washington and Lee University, Lexington, VA. Funding for The Ring-tum Phi comes primarily from advertising and subscription revenues. The Washington and Lee Publications Board elects the Executive Editor, but The Ring-tum Phi is otherwise independent. The Ring-tum Phi welcomes all responsible submissions and letters. All submissions must be in the Phi office, room 208 of the University Center, by noon on Friday to appear in that week’s edition. The Ring- tum Phi reserves the right to edit submissions for content and length. Letters and columns do not reflect the opinion of The Ring-tum Phi Editorial Board. Advertising does not reflect the opinions of The Ring-tum Phi or its staff. This newspaper observes current court definitions of libel and obscenity. The Ring-tum Phi 208 University Center Washington and Lee University Lexington, VA 24450 Telephone: (540) 462-4060 Advertising Office: (540) 462-4049 Fax: (540) 462-4059 E-mail: phi@wIu.edu http://wIu.edu/~phi Annual subsription rate: $30 Dodging mom’s phonecalls and wasting the day away As the first few weeks of classes roll along, most of us will fall into a comfortable routine. The discombobulation of that sketchy transition period between summer jobs and fall course loads will fade, and we will soon form our daily and weekly habits for this new semester. Some of those habits may include rising with the sun, heading out for a brisk morning run amidst the glorious Shenandoah skyline, and whipping up » ~ -v «-' " a few pancakes. Walking over to the library every morning, you hope to have more e-mail mes- sages than simply those deceiving Postmaster announce— ’ ments. On Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays you eat lunch at 12:15 p.m. whereas on Tuesdays and Thursdays, you eat at 1 1:45 a.m. You study for two hours after your 2 p.m. politics class before going home to watch 20 minutes of The Weather Channel. You just love those kooky weatherpersons. Christina Abernathy is cool, but she’s no Jim Cantore. There’s that love/hate relationship with Dr. Steve Lions. If he comes on, you know there’s a hurricane a brewing. On the other hand, he’s just so darn special that you can’t wait to see him. Everyday you comment to your roommate that you look at the weather in your hometown rather than the weather in Lexington. The History Channel’s six-month series on Millard Fillmore comes on at 7 p.m. on Tuesdays, so you have to meet your friends at 6:30 for the Fillmore pre-party. From 10 to 10:08 p.m. you spend some quality time with ev- ery ab’s best friend, Jaime Brenkus, ACSM Certified Instructor. That’s right. The “:08 min. Abs” video is safe, effective and it is fun. These exercises will never hurt you. You know mom is going to call somewhere between 8 Off His Rocker Stephen Pesce ’01 and 10 p.m. on Sunday to ask about your week, but most importantly to ask if you went tq church. So at 7:45 you head over to a friend’s place and laugh at quarter to nine when his mom calls. You recognize those classic get-rid-of-mom lines anywhere, “I have to get my laundry out of the drier,” “I have tons of read- ing to do,” or, my personal favorite, “You mined my childhood.” That one never fails. . There are hundreds of other little things that you do on a daily or weekly basis. Some of them are important. Some of them are mere time-wasters. In any case, you get used to them. By October first, you have a routine that will not change until Winter Break. Surely we do not all do the same things. We all manage our time in different ways. One thing, however, that everyone should fit in to that routine is community service. So many opportunities on campus and in the community get overlooked by all of us. We finish our course assignments and we call it a day. Big Brothers and Big Sisters, Habitat for Humanity, tutoring at the local schools, among many others are great opportuni- ties. We should take advantage of them. I personally have trouble finding the time or the desire for things like that on a random basis. But, if I schedule it in my routine from the beginning, there’s a better chance of my keeping up with it. Getting used to a new semester is difficult, but altering your routine later presents greater problems. Now, before getting into a rut, is the time to allot time for things like Habitat or being a Big Brother. Now that I sound frighteningly like the nagging mother whose calls we dread (not to be confused with the loving, caring mother whose calls we cherish), I will stop rambling. Have a good day and call your mother. Here We go again, just one more Saturday night Ahhhh yes, another year is here welcoming an- other freshman class, and a return to the joys of academia for upperclassmen. Like every other year in school history, the Admissions Office has her- alded this class as the biggest, the brightest, and most involved in school history. From what I’ve seen so far, it is true, they are definitely the biggest. That’s not to say they aren’t the smartest and most active also, but hearing that every new student is better than you in every way can really start to grate on even the most benevolent upperclassman’s ego. In fact, I honestly do enjoy the coming of a new crop of freshmen every year, because it reminds me of the excitement of my own first few weeks in Lex Vegas. As a dorm counselor, this year I admit I have felt a little twinge ofjealousy while watching the guys on my hall yell to each other about which parties are going on, which girls they met the night before, and the tremen- dous amount of homework they have in their introduc- tory classes. Shouts of “grain party at Pole House”, “kegs at Cabin 22”, and “late night at Chi Psi” ring through the halls. Though it’s hard to reminisce being 20 years old and only a junior, the unadulterated excitement of the fall term of freshman year is one of the things that make this school special; something I am reminded of in the excitement that bums in their slightly hazed eyes. They bring with them an orgasmic energy that drives Balderdash Mike Crittenden ’o1 them in hordes, walking from party to party, from Davidson to Red Square and back again. I remember as a freshman sitting on the back porch ofthe Outing Club House with a friend, sipping a 40 of Corona and watching the hordes of freshmen invading fraternity basements. Finished looting them of all their free alcohol, they would move on, seeking out prey like the Norse Vi- kings of old. It is that excitement, that raw energy, that I loved about freshman year, because you were al- ways meeting new people, and al- ways living for the unknown, virgin experience. I guess this leads me to some advice for the fresh- _ men, sage though it is not. Enjoy this time and as my friend Slim always says, live in the now. Somewhere between the kegs of Natural Light and the trash cans full of grain punch lies something great and special about this school. Though impossible to grasp fully, it’s importance is in the students and our love of who and what we are. Its this that blesses us with the greatest alumni sup- port in the country. At no other school in the country does one see so much love for the institution and the people involved. This is the reason I always get chills driving into Lexington and seeing the Colonnade rising up behind Lee Chapel with all its history and honor. So love it and never leave it, the family that is this University that is. And to all you freshmen, welcome to the roost you now call your home. The freshman 15 and more. . . I was told the impressions of a wide-eyed incoming J, freshman would be amusing to entrenched upperclassmen presumably devoid of excitement at returning to W&L. Whatever. At the risk of sounding trite or, heaven forfend, dull, I shall try to encapsulate ori- ————-—————————— 4* entation week in Haven Forfend ' these few para- , graphs in hopes Sara Lamben 03 that my fellow }, freshmen may save this issue and look back with fondness years later and that upperclassmen may read and (smirk if you like) remember. Saturday evening, after saying a tearful goodbye to 1 parents (alright, just leave already), I began the rounds of optimistic yet not particularly memorable introductions. “Hi, I’m Sara from New Jersey” “Oh, J oisey...what part?” (what exit?) “Bemardsville-Bridgewater-Somerville-Morristown- New York City” (Peapack, 07977) “That’s nice.” (shaking head, no clue) “You’re a fresh- man, right.” (here, have a beer) 20 minutes later same guy...“Hi Jeremy-Peter-Rob-Mike- ‘ Chris” “It’s Kevin, hi, have we met? (quite possibly) I’m from Atlanta” “Oh, hi Kevin, Pm San, from Jersey.” If I had to judge the size of W&L based on those party encounters I would estimate it in the tens of thousands. Nonetheless, it the beer flows freely, the people are nice, the stress level is minimal and the only concern is the Lexington police catch- ing you watering the bushes. . As the week progressed we found our way to the din- _q ing hall for at least one meal and then to Walmart for the requisite odd-hour junk food. We struggled with the com- puter network and online registration. The system told me, more than once, it couldn’t find my ethemet card and I decided not to argue. Good thing, too, as I heard it got mad ‘: and deleted some people from the register. They now at- tend Davidson. Like all freshmen I attended the myriad of mandatory dress-up meetings. For girls at least these serve a greater 1‘ orientation purpose than “small group” or “big brother.” Unlike the men who wear standard khakis, blue blazer, white shirt, red tie, women must wear something different to each of these parades of fashion. Thereby reslutirig in exhaus- tive discussions of taste and style: I “Hi, Sara, Joisey.” “Do you think this makes me look fat?” “Of course not! That’s so pretty!” Can we all say in one resounding chorus “freshman fifteen”! Cheers! uote of the week: ’ ' A (( “I feel like I just spent an .v. hour in a public restroom.” — Senior Collin Gleason on his last visit to the new Waffle House Major decisions it I am not a practical man. Those of you who know me are it I probably turning to the person beside you and saying dis- gustedly, “impractical?...offensively absent-minded I’d say.” Ok, fine, absent-minded, impractical...yes, I am. I have known this for some time you realize. Ever since I found myself with a concussion from falling ofi" of the five pairs of my mothers ‘ high-heels I stacked one on top of the other to peek at my Christmas presents hidden on the top shelf of my parents closet, ever since that day I’ve been painfully aware of my own deficiency of common sense. And so it’s been for the last ninteen years of my life, unaware of saying rude, rude things in public, catching myself halfway to my room with an armful of books I just walked out of the library with (don’t worry they were all re- turned and properly checked out). You know, things like that. I But I’ve tried, for a good chunk of my lifeI’ve tried not to do things like forget to show up to a guitar lesson I was teaching. And over the summer I tried my hardest to be prac- tical when I thought about the major I ’ll be declaring this year t that will affect the rest of my time on God’s green earth. I leafed through the departmental pages of our course offering catalogue this past August and I realized that I would either be choosing a practical major or its oppositef that which has caused all mayhem and wackiness in today’s '* world - an impractical major. But as I skimmed over the course decriptions I couldn’t help but find myself pouring over everything I was trying to avoid. I couldn’t go on, and I found myself getting pissed at myself for even attempting. It was decided: I was going to pick the major God and his entire host of singing angels wanted me to pick. Hell I’ll even be a double major! So this year when we, as sophomores, fill out our forms and declare our majors, I’ll think of all of you who will be declaring a ; liberal art, or whatever we’d agreed to call them. And I will throw the biggest party of the new millenium when that committee accepts my proposal to create a calligraphv major. Public Service Tom Grove ‘O2 ,1 OCR::/Vol_102/WLURG39_RTP_19990913/WLURG39_RTP_19990913_003.2.txt Ellie Iaing-tum lfllii NEWS )- SEPTEMEER 13, 1999 PAGE 3 G IN t 3°“ O from pagel W&L institutes new childhood in rural Mississippi and her Bond, a faculty member in the his- Bond has also authored a K recycling program Washington and Lee Uni- versity has introduced a new recycling program this week that should reduce the amount of garbage the Uni- versity currently Ships to the landfill. Robert Akins, professor of ‘l physics and engineering at W&L and chair of the University’s environmental planning and management committee, explained that recycling will be easier than ever. Rather than presorting recyclables, faculty, staff and students will be able to deposit clean cardboard and paper ofall types, plastic and aluminum into the same container. These blue containers will be identi- fied by a “Let’s All Pitch In” sticker and will be placed in each building on campus and on every dormitory K hall. Physical plant will then empty these containers and send the paper, plastic and aluminum to Cycle Systems, a company that sorts the items for recy- A cling. Cycle Systems will reject any containers that have glass or garbage. “We’re asking everyone to please pay attention to what they put into the recy- cling container,” emphasized Akins, “because a con- taminated container not only means recyclable mate- 4 rial will end up in the landfill, but that W&L will have to spend extra money transporting that container to the landfill and on dumping fees.” For now, separate containers will be established to collect glass between the Co-Op and the Graham- Lees dormitory, and bulk cardboard will continue to be collected and baled at the bookstore and dining hall. “Our eventual goal,” Said Akins, “is to reduce glass on campus because it is too heavy and danger- ous to recycle.” The environmental planning and management com- mittee will be asking for volunteer advocates to moni- tor the recycling program for each building. More I I‘ R information about W&L’s recycling program can be found on the W&L homepage under the Campus Ser- vices link or by calling W&L’s physical plant at 463- 8490. A Smith publishes new poetry volume Rod Smith,_ editor” of Washington and Lee University's literary quarterly Shenandoah, has added another volume of poems to his long list of publica- tions. This summer Split the Lark: Selected Poems, was pub- lished by Salmon Publishing Ltd. in Ireland. The book will be published by Dufors Publishing this fall for a "November release date in the U.S. An American publishing poetry in Ireland, said Smith is like "bringing coals to Newcastle," but he tailored his selection ofpoems to suit an Irish audience. Smith, who has spent extensive time living and working in Ire- 5 land says the Irish are fascinated in particular with Na- tive American life and growing up in the rural South. He also included poems on birds and on Ireland's mod- em social issues. Split the Lark won the Salmon Transatlantic Poetry Prize, and while Smith was in Ireland this summer, he gave several readings from the collection. This marks Smith's seventh volume of poetry to be published. His collections The Cardinal Heart and Trespasser were ‘> nominees for the Pulitzer Prize in Poetry. He is working on his next anthology to be titled Shine in Darkness, I00 Poems of the Moon. Film Society offers “Elizabeth” for season opener Washington and Lee University’s Film Society will show Elizabeth (England, 1998), directed by Shekhar » Kapur on September 17 and 18. As always, showings ‘ will start at 7:30 p.m. in the Troubadour Theater on Henry Street. There will be no charge for admission, although contributions are very welcome. History is written by winners, and rewritten by each succeeding age in its own image. Elizabeth- H , Shekhar Kapur’s vibrant, red-blooded biofilm about the shaky young outsider who steered her way through a succession of political and amatory minefields to reinvent herself as the invincible Virgin ‘ Queen, Holy Mother of England-is dazzling enter- 0 tainment that never attempts to hide its frankly con- temporary slant. ‘03 hits in Lex By Sara Lambert STAFF WRITER A ,» fiv 468 ‘freshmen began their careers at W&L last week. According to admissions statistics, they represent 36 states, D.C., and 19 foreign countries, most prominently Virginia, ‘ Maryland, Georgia, and New York. /4. Among them are scholars, athletes, volunteers, and model citizens. Nearly 90% of the Class of 2003 took more than three years each of foreign language study, math and labo- ratory science. 88% took Advanced Placement courses while in high school. The incoming clas also contributes experience in a vast range of extracurricular athletics and activities. Over half were members of the National Honor Society, and a quarter were each varsity captains and presidents of school clubs and organizations. Judging from their accomplishments the past four years, the next four will be exciting for both W&L and the Class of 2003! Many of our ideas about Queen Elizabeth I have been put there by movies starring the likes of Bette Davis and Glenda Jackson, but none of her prede- cessors has a thing on the new Elizabeth, Cate Blanchett (known until now for Oscar and Lucinda). The wonderful case also includes Richard Attenborough, Geoffrey Rush,Joseph Fiennes, and John Gielgud. Mark Rush earns grant from APSA Mark Rush, associate professor of politics at Washing- ton and Lee University, received a grant from the American Political Science Association to conduct a study titled “‘Re- search and Database Development on the Impact of Redis- tricting in American and Canadian Electoral Svctems ” Rush was one of twelve applicants to be selected for the Small Grant Research program, which was established in 1984 to make resources available to scholars affiliated with institutions without large research budgets. A total of 13 grants were awarded by the APSA from 53 proposals. Rush’s grant provides up to $1,800 of nonrenewable support to cover nearly all research expenses. Rush joined the W&L faculty in 1990 and was promoted to associate professor politics in 1996. He earned his B.A. at Harvard and his M.A. and Ph.D. from Johns Hopkins. W&L ranked 14th in US. News & Word Report survey Washington and Lee University is ranked 14th in this year’s U.S. News & World Report rankings of the nation’s top liberal arts colleges. This marks the 13th consecutive year that W&L has been ranked among the nation’s top liberal arts colleges by the magazine. Among the categories used in the evaluation are aca- demic reputation, graduation rate, student retention, fac- ulty resources, student selectivity. financial resources and alumni giving. W&L scored particularly high in the areas of faculty resources (2nd), alumni giving (7th) and student selectivity (9th). ‘ o y oig/Executive Editor SIGN ME UP!?!?: Freshman talk to student organizations at the Activities Fair Wednesday. Wfaynofia jfouse C. I 6’ 66’ 7 .7)9ea/a12o/ f/31*ea£/as!‘ yfiomas csafa/s, gnnfeeper jzfaynodra .7{ouse 11: an .511:/or1'c'.6ome/oca/eJ1'n /fe [earl 0/6)ex/ny/on, v1'1y1'n1'a. won; a fear anofgreaf/[as/, yflyno/fa Jfiause o/yrs a vane/y o/yues/suzies anJnooms, a// (11175 prioa/e 5a/£3-. gflefouse 1s ma/Amy J11)‘/ance /mm a oar-1'e{y 0/ sfops, rues/auran/s, museums, anJseuera/pain/s ofin/eres/, as azeff as ?B)as£}'ny/on ano/éiee Qln/newly am/Me T)i2y1m'a97&£7a.7 Qmhiu/e. .501 Wain Cslreel gexthy/on, 244.50 (3—ma1'[' mayno/Ea @roc[5r1}{ye. nel zUe5.r:'/e: ma_7na/iafouseinn. cam 577£one.- (540) 463-2567 %// Z-ee; I-377-3.5.5-4664 Zn: (:40) 463-4356’ Wffla/or creJi/ carfr are accep/er/. work as a civil rights activist, was the selection for W&L’s freshman reading program this summer. The freshman reading program is now in its fourth year and is an infomial way to assimi- late new students into the W&L com- munity. All of the entering freshmen join faculty members and upperclass student leaders in reading a selected book and then they break down into smaller discussion groups. Nearly 600 people take part in the program each summer. tory department at the University of Virginia, has been an active participant in the movements for civil rights, eco- nomic justice and peace for more than three decades. As a student at Morehouse College in the late l950’s and early 1960’s, he was founder of the Atlanta student sit-in and anti-segregation organization and of the Student Nonviolent Coordinating Committee. He went on to serve more than 20 years in the Georgia General Assembly. nationally-distributed newspaper col- umn and has narrated several documen- taries, including the Academy-Award winning A Time for Justice and the prize-winning and critically acclaimed series Eyes on the Prize. Bond has served four terms on the national board for the NAACP and was elected to his current position of chairman of the board in February 1998. He has been honored with honorary degrees from 15 universities and col- leges. Emily Barnes/Photo Editor TOO MUCH WORK ALREADY: Sophomore Baxter Lee marches down the Colonnade as classes began Thursday. , ‘My body is Y2K compatible... How about_yours?” STUDENT SPECIAL $199 PAID IN FULL - OR _ $29 PER MONTH FOR A FULL SCHOOL YEAR! . AIR CONDITIONED FACILITIES - 30 AEROBICS CLASSES PER WEEK. OPEN 7 DAYS A WEEK. BODY MASTERS EQUIPMENT . HAMMER STRENGTH EQUIPMENT . 22 PIECES OF CARDIOVASCULAR EQUIPMENT. PRO SHOP . TANNING SPECIALS . LOCKERS . SHOWERS Special ends September 31, call now 464-9060 for club tour! @MEGA FITNESS CENTER OCR::/Vol_102/WLURG39_RTP_19990913/WLURG39_RTP_19990913_004.2.txt ‘PAGE 4 Women’s Soccer bounces back By Frances Groberg SPORTS EDITOR The Washington and Lee women’s soccer team emerges from its opening weekend with a record of 1-1. The real story from the weekend, however, has nothing to do with the win and loss column. The defeat that the Generals suf- fered cannot be measured numerically. Senior captain Deirdre Coyle suffered a broken leg five minutes into Saturday’s contest against Emory. “The loss of [Coyle] will be as much, if not more, of a loss of leadership as a physical loss,” junior captain Shana Levine said. Coyle’s absence was felt on the field as the Generals struggled against the Eagles. The game remained scoreless through the 75th minute behind 17 saves by goalies senior Stephanie McKnight and junior Lauren Harris. I Despite these defensive efforts, Emory was able to oiltshoot W&L 23 to four. The Generals broke down in the second half, allowing three Emory goals in a span of only two minutes. Head coach Jan Hathom cited a number of factors that contributed to Saturday’s loss. “I think we played scared, and respected Emory almost too much. Fitness also played a great factor. We just weren’t able to keep up during those two minutes.” Hathom also noted that the psychological effects of losing Coyle in such a dramatic fashion could have hin- dered the tearn’s performance. The weekend would end on a high note, however. In- spired perhaps by a sheet inscribed with the words, “Do it for Deirdre,” the team found their intensity and their focus against Shenandoah on Sunday aflemoon. ODAC-favorite volleyball looks ready to smash competition By Steele Cooper SPOR Ts EDITOR Coming off last year’s ODAC championship season, the Washington and Lee women’s volleyball team looks ready to bring home their filth title in six years. In the latest ODAC Coach’s poll the General’s are picked to finish first in the conference. Backing up this selection are four returning starters and A ten letter winners. Teri Dadio Campbell, 1998 ODAC Coach of the Year, returns to lead the squad. Look for sophomore Lindsey Ruckert, senior Nancy Reinhart, and sophomore Lee Charbonet to maintain big hitting and blocking at the net. Senior Tori Hayes returns to fortify defense on the back line and senior Pam Saulsbury once again runs the offense from the setter’s position. The Generals opened their season on Friday at the two day W&L Invitational. W&L was faced with defend- ing last year’s Invitational title against Catholic Univer- sity, Mary Baldwin, North Carolina Wesleyan, St. Mary’s (MD), and Shenandoah. “We really picked up from where we left off well,” said Saulsbury. “The season got off to a solid start.” Saturday, Catholic University went home with the title this year defeating W&L in a tough-fought five game final (15-6, ll-15,15-9,11-15,15-ll). Afier defeating Catholic in four games earlier in the tour- nament, the Generals found themselves down early in the match. Catholic jumped out to a 14-0 lead in the first game but W&L was able to stall the inevitable by going on a six point run before dropping the game. That comeback drive proved successful for the Gen- 2:09 Drill Men’s, Women’sSwimming honored as Academic All-Americans _ The Washington and Lee Women's Swimming team was recently honored as an Acaderriic All-American Team by the College Swimming Coaches Association of America (CSCAA). Two W&L swimmers also reaped individual accolades from the CSCAA. Margaret Hoehl (’99) was named as an individual Women's Division III Academic All-American. On the men's side, senior James Browne achieved Honorable Mention All-Ameri- can status. The women's team posted the third highest GPA of any Division III school in the nation (3.497) and re- ceived a superior rating fiom the CSCAA, the highest honor given. Browne posted a perfect 4.0 GPA to attain his honor. The pre-med ihajor captained the 1999 men's squad. Jacobs—Moore to enter Hall of Fame Washington and Lee women's swimming coach Kiki Jacobs Moore is slated to be inducted into the Dickinson College Athletic Hall of Fame on Sept 25. A 1989 graduate, Jacobs Moore was a four-year letterwinner and three-time team most valuable swim- mer for the Red Devils. She set 24 school records and six conference records in swimming, earning All- American honors 1 1 times during her career. As a se- nior, Jacobs Moore received the ‘McAndrews Award, given to the Dickinson Female Athlete of the Year. Jacobs Moore came to W&L in 1991. In her eight years as the Generals‘ mentor, Jacobs Moore has led W&L to five consecutive ODAC/Atlantic States Championships and has been named the ODAC/At- lantic States Coach of the Year six years in a row. Elli: Ring-tum ifilii PORTS Out of my way: W&L pummeled their opponents 7-0, with goals from junior Lindsay Williams, sophomore Kate Bidwell, junior Margaret-Hunter Turner, freshman Ruth Hill Yeilding, and junior Courtney Nolan. Senior Ansley Miller and Turner each had two assists. “We played much better on Sunday because we played erals in the second game. Down early once again, W&L came back from an eleven point deficit to win the sec- ond 15-1 1. “We just dug ourselves in really big holes and got a little overwhelmed,” said Saulsbury. The final three games of the final match were side-out filled offensive battles. Catholic came out on top in the fifth by a score of 15-1 1 in rally scoring. ~ “Tliey‘came out strong and ready to beatus. We didn’t take them for granted at all but we were just very well matched,” said Charbonet. “In this match [against Catholic] we let them dictate play and have the momentum,” said Ruckert. The offensive attack in the finals was lead by Ruckert, 1998 Rookie of the Year, with nineteen kills and by Charbonet with thirteen. They each tallied fifieen and fourteen digs respectively. To get to the finals W&L easily defeated North Caro- lina Wesleyan 15-4, 15-4, 15-4 in the semis. This win ex- tended the Generals’ winning streak to nineteen. Tori Hays held off Wesleyan’s offence with thirteen digs. Friday, in the second round of the tournament W&L faced eventual champion Catholic and pulled out the 15- 10,7-15, 15-7, 15-10 win. This win was W&L’s firsttestby a solid opponent of the season. “The match on Friday [against Catholic] was easier than the Saturday match. They improved their play and did all of the little things right,” said Saulsbury. W&L received their first win of the season in the open- ing round of the tournament on Friday against Mary Baldwin College (15-1, 15-3, 15-5) thus extending their win- ning streak from last season to seventeen. Men’s soccer loses opener By Robert Turner STA FF WRITER The Washington and Lee men’s soccer team opened their season Saturday with a disappointing loss to Catholic Uni- versity in Washington, D.C. The Cardinals, who lost to the Generals last year early in the season, appeared much im- proved this season and won the rather lackluster match 2-1. Catholic scored their first goal midway throught the first half on a penalty kick afier an infraction by the Generals in the box. The Cardinals added their second goal early in the second half after a cross was deflected off of a W&L player. The Generals finally got on the scoreboard with ten minutes to play on a header from sophomore forward An- drew Grimes, who was assisted by senior Jason Miller. The Cardinals played a conservative defensive style for the rest of the game, denying the Generals any more opportunities to tie the game. The Generals were plagued by problems throughout the game, mostly on the defensive end. “We struggled defensively all over the field, but still had plenty of opportunities to score,” senior captain Scott LeToumeau said. “We just couldn’t put another one away.” Sophomore John Stroebel felt that the discrepancy in the number of games each team had played on the season was another factor in the loss. While this was W&L’s first contest, Catholic had already played three games before facing the Generals. “We played kind of tentative, and they were definitely more aggressive than we were,” Stroebel said. The Generals take the field twice this week, playing Southern Virginia at home on Monday and traveling to Randolph Macon on Friday. Photo by Emily Bamcs/Photo Editor Junior Amanda McDermott blasts past a defender on Saturday against Emory. loose, and better as a team,” junior captain Shana Levine said. “A lot of people have been injured, so we’re still dragging a bit, but we’re pulling it together.” The Generals begin their ODAC tournament play this week with games on Thursday at Hollins University and home on Saturday against Virginia Wesleyan. SEPTEMBER 13, 1999 “ Generals fall~ to Hopkins . W&L loses 31-14 despite more total yardage, 412-373. r By Steele Cooper SPORTS EDITOR It was the opening game that could’ve been. The Wash- ington and Lee football team played a solid four quarters but failed to execute the key plays necessary to score the win. A few costly mistakes and an offensive line that was thrown out of balance due to the injury of starting senior center Matt Seals were too much for the Generals on Saturday. W&L’s first scoring drive ended in a blocked punt that was run back for a Blue Jay touchdown. At the end of the first quarter junior Marc Watson ran 24 yards to the end zone to bring the Generals within three. Watson had 108 rushing yards on 24 carries. As the first halfcame to a close sophomore kicker Brad Wiginton missed a field goal attempt that would have cut into the Blue Jay’s 17-7 lead. Senior quarterback Christian Batcheller passed for 225 yards and completed 23 of 34 pass attempts. His two inter- ceptions inside the Johns Hopkins 15 yard line proved to be too much to overcome. “We’re a better team but we didn’t prove that to anyone [Saturday],” said sophomore Jeff Powell. “We outplayed it them for most of the game but couldn’t capatalize.” The Generals host Guilford next Saturday in their first ODAC game of the season. /Photo; Ed Photo by Emily is" The volleyball team showed off its best form in the W&L invitational tournament this weekend. Reinhart, the 1997 ODAC player of the year, massed 10 kills and 10 digs. Ruckert also totaled 10 kills and dug up six hits on the defensive. The Generals begin to defend their ODAC title on Wednesday when they face Lynchburg in their first ODAC By Frances Groberg SPOR Ts EDITOR In a school that has been aroundfor over 250 years, senior Christian Batcheller has shown that there can still be firsts here at Washington and Lee. This summer, Batcheller was selected in the 46th round of the Major League Baseball draft to the Pitts- burgh Pirates. By signing the contract, Batcheller be- came the first W&L player to be selected since the ama- teur draft began in 1966. “Obviously it has always been a childhood dream of mine so I jumped at the opportunity,” said Batcheller. “It feels great to have achieved this ” Batcheller played for the Pirates’ Single A short sea- son program this summer, which started on June 1 1. “I did fairly well, considering the adjustments I had to make from one level of competition to another,” said Batcheller. match of the year. Lynchburg looks to be the toughest opponent for W&L in the ODAC and the test to see how they will hold up in the ODAC. “They’re a strong team,” said Saulsbury. “That’s gonna be the match.” Batcheller drafted to Pirates The news is not all good for the Generals, however. By ,_ signing the contract with the Pirates, Batcheller becomes ineligible to play for the Generals’ team this spring. “I would obviously love to play with the team this year and finish out my career, but when one is presented with an opportunity like this, you have to take it.” The team will certainly miss him. Batcheller batted .275 during the 1999 season with five home runs and 18 RBI. He won the Old Dominion Athletic Conference triple crown as a freshman when he batted .490 with nine home runs and 45 RBI, earning First Team All-ODAC, All-South, and All- State honors. He also earned First Team All-ODAC and Honorable Mention All-South accolades as a sophomore when he hit .386 with nine home runs and 27 RBI. Batcheller has not relinquished all athletic responsi- bility at W&L, however. He continues to anchor the Generals’ football team as starting quarterback for his senior year. WANT TO S€€ YOUR NAM€ IN PRINT? THE. RING-TUM PI-II WANTS Your Business Manager (paid position)’ Advertising Director (paid position) A Sports Writers — call x4060 and leave a message I’ OCR::/Vol_102/WLURG39_RTP_19990913/WLURG39_RTP_19990913_005.2.txt Savirzgs 7325’. .:i nline C Save up to 40% on new textbooks. Get them in 1-3 business days. Guaranteed.* OCR::/Vol_102/WLURG39_RTP_19990913/WLURG39_RTP_19990913_006.2.txt Humor Page PAGE 6' LAST WORD SEPTEMBER 13, 1999 MTV Video Music Awards Go to Best and Brightest New York -— It was another big night for corporate America as the music industry recognized its finest and most talented at MTV’s heavily-hyped Video Music Awards. The big winner of the night was Ricky Martin’s PR agent Tom Hammond, who went away with awards for best dance video and best pop video. “This has been a great fiscal year for music,” Hammond said in his tearful acceptance speech. “I mean, there were so many talented new press agents and marketing execs with Sondenberg. Britney Spear’s Plastic Surgeon snagged the honors for best new star, dedicating his award to “mindless teenage girls and horny guys everywhere.” The MTV Video Mu- sic Awards were estab- lished in 1984 as a way of recognizing the bright- est talents in the indus- videos on MTV this year, I feel honored to win.” Backstreet Boys producer R. Richards won top honors ISMIISI” News , *: = Shania Twain is celebrating- I-fher one-millionth inducing of 5 pgfhasturbation after unemployed R .‘Utica, NY resident Earl T. Potts . ress! ‘ Impress Me Much” late last night , VH4- Shanial . The following rappers were arrested yesterday: Ice T, Ice Cube, Vanilla Ice, Rza and Gza. Pop singer Eagle Eye Cherry stocking shelves at the local K-I He reports a “pretty good chance” of landing the job, not- ” good work, Canucks! , F :‘fPeaches En Regalia” from their May 30, 1998 show in Boulder, (CO. The band has been playing C the extended song for over six- ” provisational orgy of music to the delight of Phish fans. Currently rhythmically snoring. Fans are calling it “the best thing since. hemp.” ‘ ‘ ' . ’ sic festival for women (and men rock), -is in for a change thisfall. Promoters have decided to allow the Backstreet Boys and N’Sync ‘fesheryl Crow or Alanis L Morrisette.” ‘ I Led Zeppelin’s Robert Plant ;. gether again and doing what . floor. have officially declared that bricks have more intelligence and a greater capacity for inde- pendent thought than the aver- age pre-teen girl, pointing to the ~ records by 98°. ; C I ; Limp Bizkit defied compari- ; son to Mozart yet again today! Last Thursday Appleton,‘ . almost two years that anyone has ‘listened to Bush. “I must have i “when I got this album, but thenl , F ’ got sick of it” noted Aakre. I ' Pink Floyd’s legal battles con- tinue, with Roger Waters filing for a restraining order to keep David Gilmour from singing ifonstage. Waters now claims that "he invented singing in late 1966. “Before I t‘* *”‘ing invented sing- ") ing and playing f***ing f“‘**ing said. saw her sexy video “That Don’t » Congratulations, :0; recently interviewed for a job I ing that if it falls through, he can I s - always get a job with his uncle~’s} » ' moving company across town, , .~ V Canadian superstars Sloanre‘-I cently celebrated their 300th f . week ofbeing completely ignored5 * s’ . einthe United States. Keep up the} 3 I E , Phish is still playing the teen months now in a wildiim- S “‘“f“tli“é:““ib”2iiiil‘ is asleep onstage, S Lilith Fair, the travelling mu- . : who enjoy weak, watered-down : on the bill, as they are all “tech- _ .; nically more feminine than and Jimmy Page are back to- ; for group of the year, narrowly edging out nated this year. N’Sync’s Chore— Perhaps host Chris ographer/Hair- Rock put it best when dresser Maurice he said “ LeFleur and and the Kom’s image con- how many more .” MTV Video Music Awards. 66 ’ Well, I mean, (mumble) you know, and (mumble mumble) rather like wot we were, (laughs) I think (mumble), in terms of, that is, (mumble) (laughs), you know, wot we did in that case there, rather, (mumble mumble mumble), well, (laughs) I mean, wot? Yes, Ithink so. Quite. ,9 upon that in OK Computer.” Radiohead’s Thom Yorke Translation from the original confused British rocker speak — “I think The Bends was lyrically strong but musically weak in parts, and I think we really improved give back rap, stick to country Washington — “We gave you jazz, we gave you the blues, we gave you rock n’roll —— isn’t that enough?” shouted Rev. Al Sharpton to an as- sembled crowd of almost 34,000 in front of the Lin- coln memorial yesterday. - Sharpton led the march on Washington in order to protest the theft of the rap music genre by several up- a n d - c o m i n g white musicians. Rap was pio- neered by African-Americans in the l980’s as a new art form which allowed young black men and women the op- portunity to express themselves through music. But with laughably talentless rap/ metal hybrid acts like Limp Bizkit, Korn and Kid Rock topping the charts, Af- Rev. Al Sharpton leading yet another march (#3,678). rican—American leaders are drawing the line. “This is one musical style we’re not going to let you screw up.” Sharpton said. Some pun- dits claim that making rap a ra- cial issue will only increase the division in our country. “ E m i n e m proves that rap is not about the color of your skin. It’s about lack of real mu- sical talent.” said Yale soci- ologist Dr. Irving Long. Others claim that the so-called “whiteification of rap” is good as it will actually increase middle- America’s awareness of hiphop music. “I mean, who had ever heard of Robert Johnson before Led Zeppelin started ripping him off?” asked Dr. K r y s t o p h W i t k 0 w‘ s k i . Witkowski, a Pro- fessor of Math- ematics at MIT, re- cently published his theorem that black music + white face = lucrative record contract. “Elvis knew it, Eric Clapton knew it, and now Limp Bizkit knows it.” Dr. Witkowski said. Sharpton promises a hunger strike if white people do not immediately stop trying to rap (though it should be noted that a hunger strike, by Sharpton’s definition, means limiting himself to only five meals a day). “Go back to your country music and your doo-wop,” Sharpton said. “Stop the plundering of our musical heritage.” Marchers in Washington led by Al Sharpton display catchy, rhyming homemade signs. Ska artists admit: “we were only kidding” Los Angeles —— Today the music world was stunned after every artist in the ska genre admitted that they were “only kidding.” “The idea of adding a fiuity-sound- ing horn section to hardcore rock n’roll — really, that was alljust a bigjoke,” admitted Reel Big Fish frontman Aaron Barrett at a press conference held ear- lier today. “I mean, come one, you didn’t think we were serious about that music . . . did you?” The music genre known as Ska has its roots in the early l960’s, when J a- maican scientists decided to conduct good bands existed in the sixties, so- called Third Wave Ska currently flour- ishes in our barren musical landscape. rthey do best: snorting lines of”: cocaine off the hotel bathroom A consortium of scientists fact that relatively few bricks own Wisconsin resident Brian Aakre ;. I put (Sixteen Stone in his" CD ._ player, marking the first time listened to ‘Glycerine’ 1000 times » instuments, bands just t‘‘‘**ing , I {stood onstage chattingjf Waters an experiment to find out just how lame a musical style Americans would lis- ten to if told that it’s “cool.” Though the test was initially a failure because Reader Poll Who is the most worthless per- son alive? Eminem — 47% Art Garfunkel — 14 % That guy in Mighty Mighty Bosstones who doesn’t do any- thing except dance — 13% That Counting Crows guy — 5 % Anyone from Sugar Ray —— 4% A coma patient — 3% ‘numbers may not add up to 100% as our research staff is, like, really lazy This week’s question: If you only had one bullet left, which Spice Girl would you take out? “I’m surprised that so many people bought into it,” said Save Ferris’s T-Bone Willy. “I mean, ev- Reel Big Fish will be searching for reel_big jobs after admitting that ska was “just a real big joke.” ery time I walked onstage with that trombone I thought for sure I’d be laughed out ofthe rock concert.” The announcement has shocked the thousands of lemming-like white suburban teenagers who jumped on the ska bandwagon. “With ska gone, we’re now researching many other musical options to latch onto,” said white sub- urban teenager spokesman Brian O’Connell. “We’re seri- Album reviews Note: Since 98% of modern music is entirely unoriginal, the editors decided that it would be easier to just review entire genres at once. Fill in the names of the latest al- bums/stars and create your own fitting record reviews. I" '_" "t" ‘ '-' <fill in country album> I pfsnfr f . . 1c e 0 <fill in country art1st> I Sb I I um I , cover by promises to be another country music classic. On the cover is , a white guy in a cowboy hat. ’s lyrics encompass a wide-range of themes, including love, heartbreak, pick-up trucks, heart- break and big shiny trucks that run over smaller trucks. The slide guitar solos really stretch the boundaries of Ev- erything you thought you knew about slide guitar. ’s irritating country twang sounds so much like everyone’ else’s country twang, it’s almost unbelievablel seems to answer critics who say that the country genre has been entirely redundant for the last 50 years by saying “what in the hell does ‘re-dundint’ mean?” and plodding on. . . . . t I gflcstie of I album I F ' cover I L _ __ .._ ..._ What do you get when you combine brooding, melan- choly lyrics with guitar-driven, lo-fr grunge rock? You might get , the latest release from . Frontman ’s thoughful, poetic lyrics provide a perfect coug- terpoint to ’s effects-laden guitar barrage. Ever since forming at in 1993, has become one of the most respected and admired groups on the indie circuit. Although criticized for being “too com- merci ” after l996’s received minor play on a few local college radio stations, rebounded with 1998’s EP, a completely inaccessible half-hour of distortion and feedback. is sure to delight both new and old fans, by which I mean both of them. ‘ _ _ _ _ paste <fill in punk rock album> I ,,,c,,,,,, of album : COV€I' the latest release by punk-rockers is a tasty high-energy treat that never fails to deliver the noise. The album starts of strong with three ferociously bashed power chords which repeat and repeat until the next song, made up of — get this —~ three other power chords! Tracks three and four utilize a simply one-power chord arrange- ment to maximum effect, while the epic track five uses a' total of —— if you can believe it —— FOUR DIFFERENT POWER CHORDS! Allin all, features about seven different notes, making it one of the most musically com- plex punk albums to come along in years. ,‘ ,5 ~ 3 , 3 5 Band geeks everywhere await re- entry into the world of permanent crushing virginity. ously considering getting into death metal, and we’re also looking at the viability of getting back into rap.” Hardest hit by the announcement will be band geeks, who have lost the last remaining “in” musical style they could play. “Ska was our finest hour, our golden age,” said trumpet player I-Uncle Billj C©THan’s Waflkjl IKio’a’ie (7?un Section I I by Smashing Pumpkin Billy Corgan darker. Coloring time l.yn'c Scrambler 1) despite all my rage I am still just a rat in a ____agce 2) love is iudcesi 3) God is pmeyt, just like _ em 4) jukebox kpcuu-f hanging round the gterosdur Color in this black box. See if you can make it Uncle Billy’s riddle time It’s bigger than a whale but takes up no space. It’s louder than a Marshall stack but makes no noise. It gets fatter every day but it never puts on any weight. What is it? 039 snouuouo Kui I.l3MSU‘€ I mmmmmmmmmmmm-mmmmmmmmmmmmmmml Arthur Syzsmanski, formerly of Holmdel, NJ based ska-combo‘ SkaNaNa. “I sure hope this neo-swing move- ment catches on,” Syzsmanski said, “in order to give a new generation of band geeks the chance to lose their virginity.” Coming next week: —Billy Corgan com- poses epic 8-song-cycle about Rogaine. —'l'heologians use Kid Rock's popularity as proof that a benevolent God does not exist. —Co££ee-shop hipster savagely beaten by peers for not knowing who Steve Malkmus is. —Neo-Psychedelic band = cites main influences as Pink Floyd, Grateful Dead and “hahaha haha ha ha ha you know what I’m talking about dude.” —'l‘hn-ee remaining Beatles reunite for another ill-conceived stab at boomer nostal- gia.