OCR::/Vol_102/WLURG39_RTP_19991004/WLURG39_RTP_19991004_001.2.txt U112 fling-1 uinram WASHINGTON AND LEE UNrvERsITY’s WEEKLY NEWSPAPER 4 VOLUME 102, No.9 omophobic .incidents spur . controversy Radio show, campaign posters attack homosexuals and student body president By Polly Doig EXECUTIVE EDITOR Twojuniors, one who campaigned for office on an anti-homosexual plat- form, and another who publicly attacked Executive Committee president Jeff Cook, have come under fire themselves. In his WLUR radio show from 4 pm to 6 pm Wednesday, DJ Rich Groner made remarks which criticized Cook's sexuality. WLUR general manager and faculty adviser Bob de Maria received several complaints following the show. "I got a call. . . telling me that some 'meathead DJ’ had slammed a guy, call- ing hirn "Jeff Crook," de Maria said. "I was really kind of furious because [Groner] had been on the air since his freshman year and knew better. Unless you have a program that involves opin- ion, you are to keep your mouth shut on things like that." According students who heard the show, Groner had an unidentified guest, "Crook" on the show, who spoke in a femenine voice and made disparaging remarks about homosexuals. When reached for comment, Cook said that "the remarks were inappropri- ate and offensive." De Maria said that he met with Groner to discuss his actions. "He didn't show me any kind of con- trition, and was not able to give me any kind of explanation," de Maria said. "That flies about as well as a lead bal- loon. Is it a sin that a guy's homosexual or that a woman's a lesbian, or that a person's black?" According to de Maria, comments like Groner‘s can lead to complaints to the FCC, and the possible loss of their license. Staff members of WLUR have since recorded a public apology that they will play repeatedly over the air throughout the next week. In addition, Groner has been suspended from hav- ing a radio show for the remainder of the year, and met with Dean of Students David Howison. "Bascially I'm waiting to see what he does," Howison said. "I felt that the action taken by the radio station was the appropriate action, and in talking to the student I sensed that he had learned a valuable lesson." The other incident involved John Herbert, who ran unopposed in his successful race for junior class presi- dent. Herbert distributed posters which said "I'll be straight with you." When questioned, Herbert admitted to run- ning his campaign on an anti-homo- sexual platform. In response to the posters, junior Meisha Jackson has started a petition in protest. "My purpose with the petition,"is not necessarily to get him out of office, but rather to raise awareness that this is who the president of the Class of 2001 is," Jackson said. ‘'1 think that such blatant intolerance is completely unnecessary, and the time for that is past. Basically I want to get the point across to Mr. Herbert that the W&L student body does not share his sentiments." Jackson began her petition this LExINGToN, VIRGINIA 24450 “IF I HAD A HAMMER.” Freshman Stephen Koss works on a Project Horizon house Saturday. weekend, and will distribute it at meet- ings of the Women's'Forum, the Mi- nority Student Association, the Inter- national Club and several sororities early this week. In addition, she will be in front of the Co-op much of the week soliciting signatures. The incidents come on the heels of another at the Kappa Sigma fraternity, SEE ‘CONFLICT’ ON PAGE 2 SK charity race a success More than 60 student runners hit the streets in Theta/KA run By Mike Crittenden NEWS EDITOR The streets of Lexington had a new sound Saturday, as the sound of student’s footsteps resonated through town in the first annual Theta/KA 5K run for charity. With an entry fee of only $5, many students took the time to get some exercise and donate some money to charity. “The turnout was great,” said Dana Early, the run coordinator for Theta. “We had over 200 donations.” Beginning Saturday morning at 11 a.m., the course started at the gym and weaved through Lexington, eventually finishing at the gym. Signs and orange- clad volunteers pointed the way, keep- ing runners from yawing offcourse. “It was a really good course, both challenging and fun,” said junior Tim Cormier, who came in 6th out of the 60- plus runners who participated. “I was happy to do something that helps out a good cause.” The proceeds from the benefit were split evenly between Theta’s national philanthropic organization C.A.S.A. (Court Appointed Special Advocates), and KA’s national charity the Muscu- lar Dystrophy Association. According to race organizers the race turned out to be a great success. 1 “We wanted to do this race so that the whole school could participate in it,” said Early. “We thought it was a good idea because it would be a lot of fun and we could raise a lot of money. It worked out great.” The five kilometer race was won by junior Brian Ceneviva, who plays base- ball for the Generals. The top three men and top three women all received prizes for being the top fmishers. When asked whether he would par- ticipate next year, Corrnier said he’d be there for sure. “It’s a great idea and was a lot of fun to do. I’ll be looking forward to next 99 year. photo by Emily Bames/Photo Editor YOU WANT FRIES WITH THAT? Junior Carly Blakelock and senior Erick Englebert chomp on hotdogs at the Manhattan Hot Dog eating contest. MONDAY, OCTOBER 4, 1999 Busted? New alcohol policy clears up questions By Mike Crittenden NEWS EDITOR When Resident Assistant Erika Cassutti recently saw a sophomore entering Woods Creek apartments with a case of beer over his shoulder, she immediately confronted the young man, confiscated the alcohol, and in- formed the man he had to pay a fine and serve hours in the dining hall. If this had occurred in the freshman dorms however, it might have had a different result before a new alcohol policy was instituted this week by the residence life staff. According to the new policy, “if any student is apprehended with al- cohol in the freshmen residence halls, he/she will be given a $75 fine and six hours of work in the Dining Hall.” Though the freshmen dorms have al- ways been alcohol-free, the new policy is intended to help residents and visi- tors understand the sometimes vague policy. “The student body needs to have a crystal-clear understanding of all of the policies in the dorms," said Dean of Freshman Mark Dalhouse. “In the past their has been some ambiguity about whether or not upperclassmen in the dorms can be punished for pos- sessing alcohol. This makes it ex- tremely clear.” According to Dalhouse the change in policy was not precipitated by any *. l_ ,_ 3 photo by Emily Bames/Photo Editor SEE ‘POLICY’ ON PAGE 2 Panhel to give out scholarship By Mike Crittenden NEWS EDITOR Washington and Lee sorority women now have the opportunity to earn a scholarship for their involve- ment in their sororities and the Wash- ington and Lee community. The $500 scholarship is being given in honor ofthe 10"‘ anniversary of Washington and Lee’s Panhellenic Council, and the National Panhellenic Council's Week ofthe Scholar. Each of Washington and Lee’s five sorori- ties were asked to nominate one or two members based on involvement and a minimum G.P.A. of2.5, according to Panhellenic member Katie Boening. Said Boening, “We thought it would be good to celebrate our l0"‘ year by photo by Emily Bames/Photo Editor READY, STEADY, GO! Runners await the start of the Theta/KA run for charity that ran them from Doremus Gym through town. @112 fling-tum lfihi October 4, 1999 OPINION: Fruit-pelting pygmy tree girls W&LIFE: And the nominees are. . . PAGE 3 PAGE 4 SPORTS: VOlleyball’s run on ODAC continues LAST WORD: PAGE 5 The Pope’s PR crusade PAGE 6 OCR::/Vol_102/WLURG39_RTP_19991004/WLURG39_RTP_19991004_002.2.txt PAGE 2 F I @112 filing-tum MES OCTOBER 4, 1999 ‘SCHOLARSHIP’ from page 1 recognizing Greek women who con- tribute both to their individual chap- ters and to the Washington and Lee community as a whole.” The 10 women who were nomi- nated were asked to complete an ap- plication about themselves that was due this week. The applications are going to be examined by a committee of Panhellenic Council members and faculty advisors, from which a winner will be chosen. ‘POLICY’ from page 1 particular event, but that the change is very important to all residents. “The fact is, alcohol in the dorms is not conducive to the academic mis- sion ofthis university. This change will help reemphasize that this con- duct will not be tolerated in the dorms,” said Dalhouse. This year there have been no re- ported cases of students being caught with alcohol in the dorms, but accord- ing to Assistant Head Dorm Counse- lor Jim McKnight, it becomes a large problem as the year goes on. ‘CoNFL1CT’———— from page 1 in which a senior brother made anti- semitic and racist remarks to two enter- ing freshmen prior to matriculation. One of the freshmen involved subsequently withdrew from the university as a di- rect result. The senior has been placed on conduct probation for the remain- der of the year, and suspended from Kappa Sigma. In an open letter to the student body following the case, W&L president John Elrod stated that no student "should ever be made to feel unwel- come because of an offensive remark about his or her ethnic or racial back- ground and heritage. There is abso- lutely no place at this University for this sort of verbal behavior." "Here we are, looking at the year 2000," deMaria said, "and we still have folks looking at people who are of a ‘ A different sexual orientation with a pre- ~ 1940's attitude." ' “It will be a difficult decision to make,” said Boening. “All of the women nominated are excellent candi- dates.” Panhellenic Council member Eliza- beth Holleman agreed, saying that “while difficult to make, the decision would be a positive experience for all sorority women.” “It’s just real exciting that we had the money in the budget to do this,” said Holleman. “It’s good to see some- thing that we were talking about last spring come to pass.” The scholarship will be awarded at next Tuesday's “Meet the Greeks” func- tion, a chance for all Washington and Lee women interested in rushing a so- rority this year to meet members of W&L’s five sororities. The meeting will be held from 4-6 p.m. at the Liberty Hall Ruins, and is open to any W&L women who are interested or curious about the Greek system. “Because there are so many par- ties right now, there is no reason for the kids to drink in the dorms. As the year goes on and the number of par- ties is reduced and the freshmenjoin different organizations, the drinking in the dorms increases and that’s when we have a problem,” said McKnight. Both McKnight and Head Dorm Counselor Kelly Stuart say the new policy will help the resident life staff better enforce the school’s policies, and help to clarjfv the rules for i’l'1f\QP .IN.b_1Al_\LSUMMER. --A fresh-man sits reading’ i involved. Said Stuart, “The freshmen dorms have always been alcohol-free. We’re just trying a little harder to discour- age upperclass students from con- tributing to the problem.” Stuart also said it seemed “pa- thetic” for an upperclassmen to be caught in the dorms drinking for any reason. “I would hope that an upperclass- man would have better options of places to drink than the freshman dnrms anvwav.” photo by Emily BaePhoto Edtor n the Graham-lees quad, enjoying the warm weather. E-mail General Notes to ‘phi@wlu.edu ’ P,.,,;," .. Hospice sponsors “Hustle” The Rockbridge Area Hospice will be sponsoring its 3rd Annual Hospice Hustle on Sunday, October 17, 1999. The walk will serve as a fundraiser for the hospice and will benefit all persons involved directly and indirectly with hospice care. The walk will begin at 2 p.m. at Rockbridge Area Hos- pice, located at 129 South Randolph Street. The hustle will conclude when all participants have completed the course. Groups, organizations and individuals are invited to attend. The cost for each person will be a 15 dollar mini- mum, though children under six are free. Sponsorship of participants is encouraged. Participants are encouraged to registar before the walk to ensure they receive a free t-shirt. They can, however, register the day of the race if needed. Persons interested in volunteering but who prefer not to walk are also wel- come. For any additional information, please call the hospice at463-1848. Homecoming Weekend to be held Several hundred alumni are expected back on Wash- ington and Lee's campus for this year's Homecoming fes- tivities on October 8 and 9. Highlighting this year's Home- coming will be a Beta House Reunion and the alumni office's first Leadership Forum, a program for young alumni chapter leaders. Nearly 100 members of the Beta Theta Pi fraternity, from as far back as 1941, are registered for the Beta House Reunion. On Friday, at 12:10 p.m. in the Moot Courtroom of Sydney Lewis Hall, professor Lawrence Lessig of the Harvard Law School will deliver the 51st annual John Randolph Tucker Lecture. Saturday events include a me- morial service for former history professor Charles Turner at 10 a.m. in Lee Chapel, women's soccer against Bridgewater at 10:30 a.m. on the Liberty Hall Fields and the football game against Davidson at 1:30 p.m. on Wil- son Field. Hooks receives research grant Linda Hooks, associate professor of economics at Washington and Lee University, received a grant from the AAUW Educational Foundation to work on a research project called "The Impact of Banks on Economic Growth: Historical Evidence from Texas." The project will investi- gate the importance of banks to growth in the rural U.S. A in the early 1990s. The primary purpose of the AAUW Educational Foun- dation American postdoctoral research fellowships is to increase the number of women in tenure-track faculty po- sitions and promote equity for women in higher educa- tion. The foundation is one of the nation's largest sources of private funding for educational programs that directly benefits women and girls, and it provides fellowships and grants to more than 300 women around the world. Hooksjoined the W&L faculty in 1993, and her fields of research include monetary economics and banking. She teaches undergraduate courses in money and bank- ing and a seminar on the European monetary union. Prior tojoining W&L, Hooks was an economist in the financial industry studies department at the Federal Reserve Bank of Dallas. She received her MA. and Ph.D. from the Uni- versity of California at Los Angeles. W&L hosts 8th annual Writer's Harvest Washington and Lee's contribution to the eighth an- nual Writer's Harvest will take place in duPont Audito- rium at 7 p.m. on Tuesday, Oct. 12. The Writer's Harvest, the nation's largest literary benefit to fight hunger and poverty, boasts readings by more than 2,000 writers in i 600 locations nationwide each year. While in years past, writers have shared both poetry and prose nationwide on the same night, this year's readings are being held in accordance with local needs. Reading this year are Charlotte Morgan, Michael McClure and R.T. Smith; student readers include Jennifer Quail, David Hanson and Anna Baker, all poets. "Through Writer's Harvest we can add to the great gifts of literature affords us: an opportunity to feed the hungry," says 1999 national chair Alice McDermott. "We can transform what might be called the writer's spiritual work of mercy-the sharing of the written word-into a cor- poreal work of mercy as well." The benefit has raised more than $750,000 since 1992 to fight hunger and pov- erty. One hundred percent of the event proceeds go di- rectly to statewide anti-hunger and anti-poverty efforts. Charlotte Morgan, a local novelist, is the author of One August Day, nominated by the Library of Virginia for its 1999 Fiction Award. Her stories have been published in Potomac Review and Phoebe. Morgan is also a recipi- ent of the Sherwood Anderson Prize for short fiction and the Virginia Highlands Prize for her novel. Smith, editor of W&L's literary quarterly, Shenandoah, and author of Split the Lark, will read poems by Irish writers. McClure is a visiting professor in the W&L English department. Quail, a senior, hails from Trenton, Mich., and is an archeology/anthropology major. Hanson, also a senior, lives in Smyrna, Ga., and is double majoring in English and geology. Baker, from Baton Rouge, La., is ajunior and plans to major in English and Joumalism/Mass Com- munications. For more information, please call R.T. Smith at 463- -3908.. 1 ».~ .r.. ..n RAAXX99C79 Capital One® Capital One...One of the 100 Best Companies to Work ".¥—F0rturze®(1/11/99) Capital One recognized as one of the25 champs of strong growth ~=-"—F0rbe$ (4/21/98) on—campus events! WE’RE GROWING LIKE NEVER BEFORE! 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GREAT BENEFITS P OCR::/Vol_102/WLURG39_RTP_19991004/WLURG39_RTP_19991004_003.2.txt OCTOBER 4, 1999 Gay remarks not appreciated Is it really any of your business if Jeff Cook is gay? That’s right. Jeff Cook — excellent student, frat guy, student leader and all-around nice guy. Yeah. He’s gay. He’s out of the closet. How does this affect you or the majority of the student body? The reality is that Cook’s sexuality doesn’t affect anyone but him and whoever he is dating — just like the rest of us on campus. There has been a recent flurry of anti-gay remarks on campus. A student running for junior president promises that he’ll be “STRAIGHT” with you. Another student paro- dies Cook on his radio show, mainly because Cook is gay, yet without any legitimate provocation. Put yourself in this situ- ation. What if someone started talking about you over the air, by name, about your drunken hijinks from last w e e k e n d . Chances are, you’d be ticked off, and you would be entitled to your anger. But because Cook is openly gay, somehow he’s supposed to suck it up and floveon. _, Gay jokes are really funny around this campus. Tell a gay joke and you get a laugh. Insert any other racial/ ethnic slur into that joke, and suddenly, it’s not that funny. Someone might even tell you that you’re not funny at all. On most campuses, someone would tell you to shut up because you’re racist, or in this case, homophobic. While W&L may have a small racial and ethnic minor- ity population, gay populations are about the same wher- ever you go. A study once approximated that 10% of the overall population is gay. Now just because someone is gay doesn’t mean that they’re open about it. There are gays all over this campus and you don’t know. It’s the one rumor that hasn’t made it all over the incestuous little circle of W&L — ”Hey...so-and-so is gay!” Maybe being from outside of Washington, D.C., I’m used to a mixture of people. I went to high school with homosexuals, I work with homosexuals, I’m friends with homosexuals. Folks, WAKE UP. It’s not a big deal. Your sex life is no one’s business but your own; the same atti- tude should be applied to those whose sexual tastes are different from yours. For some reason, society has stated that homosexuals are weird and different and odd. If you feel that way, that’s your business. But the only difference quite honestly is that sex is a bit different for them. It doesn’t affect work ethic, personality, personal ethics, etc.It’s just another little part that makes up a person’s description. It’s not something to base your campaign on, or make fun of, or to talk about incessantly. Grow up, folks. In the real world, you’ll be working with all sorts of people. Being racist, homophobic, or just a exclusive snob in general isn’t going to get you anywhere. W&L fosters this behavior simply because we encourage conformity. Don’t speak up, don’t speak out, don’t cause a stir. Well I disagree. It’s time to speak up, speak out and cause one hell of a ruckus. Quit focusing on the little stuff that doesn’t matter and focus on the issues. If you need a campaign platform, choose a posi- tion on white book refonn, or the 95 theses or something that affects the entire campus. If you need something to talk about on the radio, talk about something that’s pertinent to you and the campus. Somebody’s sexuality doesn’t count. Homosexual isn’t a dirty word. It’ s a descriptive word, like heterosexual. I’m not saying you have to approve of homo- sexuality, but whatever Cook or any other person (gay or not) does behind closed doors is their business and only their business. You don’t have to like it or not like it, be- cause in the end —— it’s none of your business. _ Coffee Talk l Heather McDonald 01 @112 fling-tum {flirt Polly Doig Hollister Hovey Michael Crittenden Stephanie Bianco Ginger Phillips Elianna Marziani Frances Groberg Steele Cooper Kevin McManemin Heather McDonald Emily Barnes Executive Editor Associate Editor News Editor Opinions Editor W&Life Editors Sports Editors Last Word Editor Copy Editor Photo Editor Assistant Photo Editor Lisa Lin Online Editor Ali Soydan Layout Editor Neal Willetts Circulation Director Leo Brown The Ring-tum Phi is published Mondays during the undergraduate school year at Washington and Lee University, Lexington, VA. Funding for The Ring-tum Phi comes primarily from advertising and subscription revenues. The Washington and Lee Publications Board elects the Executive Editor, but The Ring-tum Phi is otherwise independent. The Ring-tum Phi welcomes all responsible submissions and letters. All submissions must be in the Phi office, room 208 of the University Center, by noon on Friday to appear in that week’s edition. The Ring- tum Phi reserves the right to edit submissions for content and length. Letters and columns do not reflect the opinion of The Ring-tum Phi Editorial Board. Advertising does not reflect the opinions of The Ring-tum Phi or its staff. This newspaper observes current court definitions of libel and obscenity. The Ring-turn Phi 208 University Center Washington and Lee University Lexington, VA 24450 Telephone: (540) 462-4060 Advertising Office: (540) 462-4049 Fax: (540) 462-4059 E-mail: phi@wIu.edu http://wIu.edu/~phi Annual subsription rate: 830 : ifling-tum ifllii To those who are friends, thanks for “being there” I watched Wayne Gretzky’s jersey be retired on Fri- day night, which I admit is not very consequential, but as a hockey fan I did find it rather interesting to watch one of the greatest athletes of all time say good—bye. However, what stays with me now is not the picture of the famous #99 being lifted into the rafters, but rather the picture of three of Gretzky’s former teammates who made the long trip to Edmonton to pay trib- ute to the Great One. Though not a huge sacrifice for a retired pro athlete, it still made me think about those around me who have been there for me, and the Washington and Lee community itself. I won’t say I’ve always had it the easiest here in good old Lexington; not that it has been especially bad, but we all have our times at the bottom of the barrel. This is the nature of man though, so I guess I can’t complain too much. We are always seeking more; more happiness, more satisfaction, more material gain. Unfortunately, these ideals of more, more, more are always growing, with us always out of reach. Even if we did get what we want, I have no doubt that all but the most virtuous of us would turn around and try to get the next best thing. This inability to stay in a state of happiness leads us to occasionally come down with a case of the blues. Luckily, Nature has also provided us with a cure, and that is friendship. As Aristotle says in the Politics, “there must be a union of those who .-'~». % I’ I \\ _, uote of the Week: ‘#4., I don’t know where I am. I’m in a small, dark room with really close walls next to naked girl and I think it’ s in a brick building. —— W&L student’s friend from home (I }} TALKback... 9 .‘.'% “Anything, but homecoming at home in New York. Everyone came hammered and a few fights would break out - always.” -Andrew Liberth ’03 Bad Pope: [will not change the doctrine of the Church to make it more popular! God’s word is not a popularity con- test! Cardinal: Your Holiness, please. Our situation is desperate. The num- bers of Catholic clergy are declining worldwide. The youth are turning to atheism, Satanism, or worse ~ Presbyterianism! And that damn ls- lam thing is showing no sign ofgoing away. We’re'not asking you to change God’s word. . .just put a new spin on it. Pope: What? Cardinal: Look, l’m not a PR per- son. That’s why we’ve flown in two people to talk to you. Your Holiness, let me present Arthur James, Wash- ington, D.C. image consultant and Ken Goldstein, PR director of Big Budget studios, Hollywood. Ken: John Paul, baby! Glad to meet you. Arthur: lt’s apleasure. babe. Well, let’s get down to business. Issue one: increasing the Church’s sagging profit margins. Ken: Two words, babe: product placement. Pope: What? Arthur: Millions ofpeople attend Catholic churches around the globe. When you visit a country, pictures of the popemobile appear on every news- paper and TV station. You’re just wast- ing that ad space! Companies would pay big bucks for a banner on the popemobile or a billboard on the altar. Pope: That’s unconscionable. Arthur: You could get Pepsi and Coke into a big bidding war if you’d agree to change the communion wine to a soft drink. Pope: Absolutely not! Ken: Alright, alright, just a sugges- tion. Next issue: the Bible. No one reads anymore, baby. Pope: Please don’t address me as “baby.” “Your Holiness” will be fine. Ken: (aside) lt’s like I’m working for Spielberg again. Arthur: Look, there’s a lot of highly marketable stuffin the Bible — plenty of sex, lots of violence. Great stuff. Just super. But rather than a book, we’d like to make it into a weekly television series. Ken: And get this —- Leo Dicaprio has expressed interest in playing Jesus! Although, rather than being the immaculate Son of God we’d like to rewrite the part as just a regular guy, that would make the character easier for viewers in our key demographic to relate to. Pope: ls this some sort of sick joke? Arthur: We never joke about huge marketing potential! Just imagine — Apostle action figures, “make your own miracle” magic kits. . . Ken: The movie, the video game, the Happy Meal tie-ins with McDonalds, Taco Bell, Pizza Hut. . . Why, someday the Catholic Church might even be bigger than Disney! Pope: The Catholic Church is not interested in perverting the laws of God to pander to what’s “popular.” Arthur: It’s not about pandering, it’s about putting a hip new spin on’ something very old. Ken: I mean, it’s like Puff Daddy Good ’l'iW\€,S berween areal’ +as+e berweem classes. remaking the Po1ice’s “Every Breath you Take.” Arthur: Good song. Ken: Great song. Pope: I hardly think that’s. . . look, I thank you gentlemen for coming, but I’m afraid this won’t work out. Vatican City and Hollywood were never meant to meet. Arthur: Alright, your loss. We’ve just got one more suggestion, ifyou’d like to stop the decline of young people signing up for the priesthood. Pope: What? Arthur: This whole celibacy thing has got to go. Today’s sex-crazed youth aren’t going to sign up for the priesthood if celibacy is ajob require- ment. Ken: Look at the numbers. 75 per- cent of boys and 50 percent of girls .. have had sex by age 19. 20 percent have had 6 or more sex partners. 5 per- cent were actually having sex while they took this survey. _And by the way, homosexuality is more popular than Catholicism in most ofCalifornia. Pope: Get out ofthe Vatican! lfwe let the church be run by public opin- ion, we’ll all end up in Hell! Ken: That’s another thing we wanted to bring up. Pope: What? Ken: Hell. It’s kind of hard for people to subscribe to your religion knowing that if they screw up, they spend an eternity getting tortured. Arthur: Ouch! Ken: Big ouch. Arthur: We think you should in- stitute a more believer-friendly after- life policy. I mean this Heaven thing - great concept, super idea. Couldn’t ev- eryone get into heaven? Pope: I don’t make God’s laws. Ken: We know, we know. Wejust want you to put a different spin on them. Pope: GET OUT! Ken: Fine, fine. We’ve got a meet- Friertéls , ing with the Dalai Llama to get to any- way. Pope: Wait a minute, what did you say? Arthur: The Dalai Llama. He’s very interested in appealing to the youth demographic. Buddhism is through the roof right now after Rage Against the Machine and the Beastie Boys rocked out at those Tibetan Freedom Con- certs. Pope: (under his breath) That damn Llama. Hold on, you guys. Perhaps the Catholic Church could use a fresh new image. We’re not beat that easily. *>l<*>l<**>l<**>l<*=l<****>l< VJ: Hey waddup, you watchin’ MTV’s Spring Break, yeah yeah yeah. We gots some mad fresh guests chill- ing wid us on the beach today —— Den- nis Rodman and da Pope. Waddup, guys? Pope: Yo yo, ljust be chillin’ like Bob Dylan, maxin’ and relaxin’ like Michael Jackson, you know what I’m saying? Excuse me while I drink a Coke. Yes, Coca Cola —the official soft drink ofthe Catholic Church. Drink a Coke, go to Heaven! Drink a Pepsi, BURN IN HELL! (gives thumbs up while drinking) < The scene fades to black with the faint sound of thunder and lightning rolling in from the distance. . .> lvictory of the spin doctors Complaint letter count If this week's column doesn't piss some people off, I'll be insulted. Insulted this week: —-—Spin doctors, no, not that crappy music group that you probably listened to in high school. —Some would say the Pope, but Ithink I made his character quite loveable in an endearing sort of way. ——Spielberg K V '7 o \ "\ /C4PP/l ALPHA T HE TA 00/VGRA T I/Z/-l TES T //E/R HOMECOM//VG NOMINEES.- Deirdre Cogle Sarah Ann Hardee Noelle Gamble GOOD LUCK, GIRLS!!!’ Buy a Coca-C_ola® class_ig from any specially marked on-campus vending machine and you could win a commemorative Coca-Co|a® classic/NFL T-Shirt*. ‘Specially marked packaging available in specially marked vending machines until 11/30/99 or while supplies last. No purchase necessary. Requests for free game piece must be received by 12/28/99. See specially marked vending machines for details or call 1-800-785-2653. ©1999 The Coca-Cola Company. “Coca-Cola“ and the Red Disk Icon are registered trademarks of The Coca-Cola Company. it 3