OCR::/Vol_106/WLURG39_RTP_20040329/WLURG39_RTP_20040329_001.2.txt Students ready for t inaugural Habitat Blitz Build BY KATHERINE SHELL SENIOR STAFF WRITER Habitat for Humanity will hold a Blitz Build for the first time, in Lexington from ’ April 3 to April 6, 2004 . The build will be at 123 Preston Street. Washington and Lee’s chapter, the Rockbridge Area Habitat, VMI, Youth United, 1;’ and Southern Virginia Univer- sity have raised money for the build, and over a hundred vol- unteers are expected each day. “We are expecting 120 "’ to 150 volunteers at the site each day,” said Rockbridge .. 92. :.« ‘ | I ° ii fl . . ' Dakota. Applicants are chosen after an interview process which includes a review of current liv- ing conditions, ability to pay mortgage, and agreement to put in at least three hundred hours on the build. Since 1989, Habi- tat for Humanity has built 21 houses for citizens of Rockbridge County. The April 3 build will be the first blitz build for the chapter. Most Habitat homes are built within three to four months. Bryant’s house will be constructed in four days with volunteers from all parts of the Rockbridge community. Area Habitat The house Director - willhaveits Dan Walz. Rockblldgé Area _ grand open- “Come and Volunteering in Profile in g on help us roam: orHumuni Tuesdaw build or f ly I April 6, watch the 2004, but all construction activities.” Vol- unteers will include W&L students and staff; all are welcome to participate. “I’m looking forward to taking a break from studying for finals and using my en- ergy towards working on the house,” says Beth Lidinsky, ’O7, who worked with Habi- tat during Pre-Orientation to build a house. “It is always impressive how quickly the house can progress with our help and I leave with the » amazing feeling that we have helped create a new home for a family.” The house will be built for Rogenia Bryant, a Mohawk Carpet employee, and her son, are welcome to come see the house at any point during its build. For additional informa- tion, contact Dan Walz, Ex- ecutive Director, at 463-3770 or habitat@rockbridge.net, or Katie Henderson, Habitat for Humanity publicity chair of Washington and Lee Chapter, at (540) 463-3901 or hendersonk@wlu.edu. Habitat for Humanity is a fairly young charitable orga- nization that works to provide. housing for the needy. Volun- teers work together to con- struct homes fromfimaterials that are either donated directly or purchased with donated funds. E-mail news briefs to phi@wlu.edu G-TUM lire student voice of Washington and Lee Unioersizysince 1897 R WASHINGTON AND LElE UNIVERSITY E . PHI I" W W W W W W "T '"'”‘ "1 i April Fools i I SECTION INSIDE I ‘" "' ”“ '“ "” “7ro"” '72:»? MONDAY, MARCH29, 2004 Renowned writers visit campus Wolfe recalls college, career in occlusive BY PATRICIA BALLANTYNE SENIOR STAFF WRIIER Tom Wolfe visited Washington and Lee last weekend for his lecture series. And he also came to see old friends. Wolfe stayed with one of his friends from his Phi Kappa Sigma pledge class that graduated in 1951. Another friend came to visit. The three men in their sevendes laughed, joked, and teased one another like they had more than forty years ago. In the midst of an excited yet casual conver- sation about fraternities parties and changes to W&L, his two friends chatted with “Tom” about some of his famous highlights. “What was your favorite book,” asked one. “Probably Radical Chic” answered Wolfe, who added that of all of his books it most closely followed his original plan for the subject. Wolfe, the author of renowned books such as A Man in Full and The Bonfire of the Vanities, might be the most famous alumni to graduate from Washington and Lee. But in his early days at W&L as a St. Chiistopher’s kid, Wolfe resembled a typical, socially concerned freshmen. “-You felt if you didn’t get into a fraternity in your first week of school, your life was over,” said Wolfe. Wolfe got into Princeton and W&L, but he chose W&L because it was closer and less complicated. “In those days college was sim- pler,” said Wolfe. “If you had the tuition you could go to any University you wanted.” Wolfe played baseball for three years, be- fore playing two years for a senii-professional team. Wolfe had a greater desire to play baseball than to write at that time. “If I had been offered a ‘ contract class D, I would have taken it,” said Wolfe. “It’s the American male dream.” Wolfe was one of three student edi- tors on the first Shenandoah staff, which was “a brainchild of the young faculty,” accord- ing to Wolfe, who liked the literary magazine because “I got my stories published.” Although Shenandoah represented an*op“‘ " portunity to write and create a magazine, Wolfe and the other students had different visions of UVA troupe teaches men compassion for rape victims PHOTO BY CORBIN g GOOD OLD DAYS. Wolfe donned his ever- recognizable white suit for his alma mater. the end product than the professors. Wolfe wanted the first issue to picture an overdosed Heroin addict, but the teachers rejected the idea Wolfe thinks students at W&L should take advantage of the liberal arts courses sur- rounding them. “I think you do better taking more history, literature, and social sciences.” While he is a legendary jouirialist, Wolfe doesn’t understand going to Journalism school, except for the aid it might provide with job hunts. “Everyone interested in writing at W&L should take a couple steps back and analyze the socialsituatioriespeciallysocialcliquesaiidtheword coo said Wolfe. “It’s a fascinating word, cool.” Wolfe’s new novel addresses the social scenes at colleges across America. To write his new book, I am Charlotte Simmons, he visited schools such as Chapel Hill, Michi- g'ari, University of Florida, and Stanford. “I stayed away from W&L because I want safe harbors,” said Wolfe. Bergman opens Ethics Institute with keynote on ‘End of News’ Lowell Bergman, the television jour- nalist whose relationship with “60 Min- utes” inspired the film “The Insider,” delivered the keynote Washington and Lee University’s 37th Institute on the Eth- ics of Journalism this Fri- day in Lee Chapel. Bergman is consid- ered one of the best jour- nalists in the country and founded the Center for Investigative Reporting and is a New York Times contributor. His keynote speech, “The End of News” detailed the commercialization of news in a market-driven economy. Bergman is currently a teaching fellow at UC- Berkeley’s Graduate School of Journalism. Wolfe actually examined students’ lives by attending fraternity parties and other so- cial events. In a small effort to blend in more, he opted not to wear his trademark white suit at these parties, choosing a more traditional navy blazer instead. Wolfe actually started wearing his fa- mous white suit everyday because of an ac- cidental purchase. When he reached New York as a young reporter, he needed suits for the dress code. In June he decided to buy a white suit, which is not original for his home town of Richmond, Va. But “the silk tweed was too hot to wear in the sum- mer,” according to Wolfe. So he started wear- ing it in colder weather. White made a lot of people angry,” said Wolfe. “Suddenly it was fiin to get dressed in the moming.” That was over forty years ago. Sitting in Lee Chapel, Wolfe could have talked for hours about his intimate bond with Washington and Lee. “W&L is so different than other places,” said Wolfe. “Here you get to know so many people; it’s a fimction of the size.” THE Exrcuni/E Connmrr Helen Hughes ‘04 Prezdoit Anne johtmsen ‘O5 VoePr5zdent Cullen Carter ‘04 VOLUME GVll,~Ne-31‘ Nominate 2004’s Convocation speaker The Student Affairs Committee seeks your input regarding the University’s Convocation speaker for Fall 2004. Please take a few moments to nominate someone whom you believe can speak to the values of the University community or can address a major current issue relevant to the Washington and Lee University community for the coming academic year. We are particularly interested in someone related to the University community (for example, an alum, someone from the faculty, staff or a student, a parent of a student, a friend to the University, etc.). We also welcome your suggestions for issues of interest if you have no speaker to nominate. Please send your nomi- nations by April 30 to Dawn Watkins, Dean of Students, 242 Univer- sity Commons or dwatkins@wlu.edu. Biology professor wins grant Biology Professor E. William Hamilton IH of Washington and Lee University has been awarded a National Science Foundation grant to study how rising carbon dioxide (CO2) levels in the atmosphere are endangering plant life and whether this growing global problem ulti- rnately could impact the productivity of agricultural crops. The $131,000 NSF grant will allow Hamilton, the project’s principal investigator, to conduct field and laboratory research with his W&L biology students into how different types of plants are affected by climatic extremes. STAFF WRITER Thursday evening, a traveling organization from UVA put on a pro- gram for the men of Washington and Lee. The program was entitled “How to help a sexual assault survivor: What men can do.” Their aim was to educate males what they can do to help women who have been raped. The organization, named after the number of college aged women who have been sexually assaulted since age 14, is an offshoot of the National Orga- nization of Men’s Outreach for Rape Education, or NO MORE. 1 in 4 was started at the Univer- sity of Maryland, and chapters have been starting up rather quickly at other college campuses. Support at this past week seemed good and the prospect of a chapter starting here seems likely. BY JORDAN ANDERSON There were about 8 members of the group here, all of different backgrounds, from fraternity president to varsity soccer player. Some had experience helping women with rape; others just wanted to make a difference. At UVA, 1 in 4 has about 30 members total that tour colleges and educate people about sexual abuse. . The program did an excellent job illustrating for the audience what the emotional and physical stress of rape is like, a subject that many men cannot fathom. In addition to presenting informa- tive statistics, the group emphasized di- rect ways that one can assist a rape vic- tim move on and receive help. Members of the audience de- scribed the event as “absolutely won- derful, and an excellent representation of the school.” Blair Crunk, ‘07, said that it was “Enlightening to see the difference we can make if we pay just a little more at- tention to victimized women.” For information about rape or 1 in 4 visit I the website http:// www.nomorerape.org. Production director Christopher Lauderman contributed to this article. Panel initiates discussion regarding diversity, quotas BY CATHERINE SWAN SERNIOR STAFF WRITER Washington and Lee University’s NAACP Chapter held an open forum in Northen Audi- torium last Tuesday night. “Affirmative Action at Washington and Lee: Did you fill a quota?” was designed to start a dialogue about race and admissions. Dean Jeanine Stewart and Dean Tammy Futrell were present at the forum, as well as ad- missions representative Erin Hutchinson. Ap- proximately 10 ' students were in attendance, many of whom were members of NAACP. Late publicity as well as other conflicting campus events contributed to the low turnout. Hutchinson explained the admissions pro- cess as it relates to minorities. There are no quo- tas for minorities, only goals set by the trust- ees. These goals are based on a study of diver- sity profiles at small, private institutions such as W&L. The trustees seek to introduce more diversity to campus without sacrificing aca- demic standards or exceeding the financial aid budget. Hutchinson explained that while reading applications, admissions always has applicants with extraordinary qualities who will automati- cally be accepted regardless of race. There are also applications that are rejected during a first read through. It is when considering the leftover appli- cations that race and other issues of diversity become a factor. In these cases, when two stu- dents with equal qualifications seek admission, admissions officers take into account diversity and the goals of the trustees. Hutchinson also explained that even when the admissions office accepts diverse students, not all of them enroll. She said that admissions is very aggressive in recruiting minority stu- dents, because they are less likely to have heard of W&L. M The W&L NAACP chapter decided to host the forum because they were concerned that mem- bers of the student body had the wrong impres- sion about minority students on campus. They sought to dispel rumors that minority students gained acceptance to the university on lower standards, and that many minority students were here on financial aid, or came to the univer- sity because financial aid was offered to them. The forum opened up dialogue on why these false perceptions exist, and what could be done to inform students that the rumors were not true. Setretmy March 1, 2004 A member of the Student Body has de- cided to withdraw after being found guilty of committing an Honor Violation in an Execu- tive Committee Hearing. The student submit- ted work that was not his/her own on a paper. The student’s paper contained multiple pas- sages that matched or closely paraphrased passages from the assigned book and mul- tiple intemet sites. The student did not cite or otherwise attribute a majority of this work to anyone other than himself/herself. In defense, the student stated that he/ she was in a rush and did a sloppy job with citations. The student also stated that it was a poorly written paper and that he/she did not intentionally take credit for another person’s work He/she claimed that he/she did not have the book or intemet sites in front of him/her while writing the paper, and being in a rush, wrote the paper only using notes that he/she had made while reading the book and intemet sites. The student also stated that while writing the paper, he/she thought that certain passages within the notes were liis/her own work, and did not re- quire citation. During the Hearing, the student produced hand written notes and type written notes containing many of the passages that matched or resembled the book and intemet sites. The Executive Committee found, how- ever, by conclusive and credible evidence and testimony that the student had submitted work that was not his/her own for a paper. The Com- rriittee determined that throughout the hand written and type written notes the student had acknowledged tlieauthor of the passages. In addition, some passages from the paper were verbatim of intemet sites and/or the book, and not of the notes, which were claimed to be the only resource available to the student while he/she was writing the paper. Thus, the Com- mittee found that the paper submitted was in violation of the Honor System. In response to student requests, the Executive Committee has decided to renew its practice of posting student body notices in student newspapers. OCR::/Vol_106/WLURG39_RTP_20040329/WLURG39_RTP_20040329_002.2.txt PAGE 2 Siiiiiii )1TORIAL Of April Fools... Satirical humor is a hallmark of The Ring-tum Phi’s annual April Fool’s edi- tion. As always, articles written in this hu- morous spirit appear on pages three and four. We publish these stories as a light- hearted attempt to poke fun at some of our peers and administrators and highlight some of the quirks of living on W&L’s campus. Writing these stories has been a group effort meant to amuse our readers; it is not meant to single out those we tease. ...and a dwindling list of places for studying during finals week It’s nearly finals week, and where will you be studying? For more and more beleaguered Washington and Lee book- worms, the sad answer is that it’s not in a university classroom. T The pain of this classroom crunch is felt by students who find locked doors at nearly every turn, from the Science Center or the Williams School and all points in be- tween. Study groups who assume a right to convene after class are turned out by secu- rity guards on an increasingly regular basis. Two things are going on here: the school’s push for more multimedia class- rooms has made more areas off-lirnits after business hours, and departments in charge of those rooms have done a poor job of alerting students to their options. When you find out that you could have checked with a secretary and reserved a room, it’s usually too late. Thepotential of disappearing thousand- dollar multimedia equipment (see last week’s laptop theft article) and the trashing of rooms are legitimate concerns, but so should be providing adaquate study space. But students usually take their grurnblings to the guard with the lock and key, not to the department leaders who set room-locking policy. ' So, the next time you can’t find a suitable location for your last-rninute cramming, don’t complain to the secu- rity guard. Remember to tell your depart- ment that if you are willing to claim re- sponsibility, you want your rooms back. TrirRiNc~TnMl’ir (‘Au-:rANuuuoN QNONSFDIIOR andersonc@wluedu PINIONS MONDAY, MARCH 29, 2004 Pledge of Allegiance complaint has little merit The infamous “Pledge of Allegiance” case has finally gone to the Supreme Court. The com- g plainant in the case, one Michael Newdow, says that use of the phrase “under God” in the Pledge constitutes an unconstitutional establishment of religion by preferring theistic religions, or reli- gions that believe in a deity, over non-theistic religions or belief systems that do not include religious status. The 9th Circuit Court, the fed- eral judicial body that last ruled on the case, agreed with him, saying that the Pledge would have to be taken out of public schools. On ap- peal, the case is now in the Supreme Court. Technically, we should admit, there is a le- gal case here. The 1st Amendment does ban Congress from making an ille- But honestly, who does he think he’s lciddin g? Almost no one who recites this pledge honestly believes that the “under God” section of it is a religious supplication. The Pledge, these days, is taken for what it is- a simple civic affirmation. It is part of a (perhaps unfortunate) tradition in American government of deistic civicism. The phrase “In God We Trust” is on our currency, the motto “God Bless America” adorns the nation’s bumper stickers, and the Supreme Court itself opens with the phrase “God save the United States and this honorable Court.” The “God” mentioned in such a public context is not a specific being, and can even be construed as being some sort of unifying spirit rather than a deity. Even among gal establishment of religion, MODERATE’S MUSINGS our founders, such differences of and having students recite the ‘ opinion existed, and yet were set pledge in public schools does CALEY ANDERSON 06 aside. Jefferson himself, who mean that the government is indirectly sponsoring it. The fact that there might be a number of students in public schools to whom the “under God” phrase would not apply makes it understandable that this case has come so far. Some would even go so far as to say that the “God” mentioned in the Pledge is implicitly the Christian God, a reflection of the religious beliefs of the majority of Ameri- cans. In fact, the Pledge of Allegiance, which was written near the end of the 19th Century, did not originally include the line “under God,” which was added in 1954 after an intense cam- paign on the part of the Knights of Columbus, a religious group associated with the Catholic Church. So if we go by the letter of what’s being said here, there is, in fact, a violation of the 15‘ Amendment, because students in public schools are reciting what is effectively a “religious prayer,” according to Newdow. WAS a Deist, acknowledged that the “God” referred to by his peers was not neces- sarily their God from his point of view, and he had no Constitutional qualms. Also damning to’Newdow’s argument are the dual truths that a: no one ever forces anyone to say the pledge, and b: the Pledge doesn’t really have a set format. In public schools, students are free not to say the pledge. They can even sit down and refuse to salute or pay respect to the flag. That certainly falls under the 1st Amend- ment. Thus, no establishment is being forced when you combine this fact with the idea that the “God” being saluted is not a specific deity. Secondly, the Pledge is not understood by all as “I pledge allegiance to the flag of the United States of America, and to the Republic for which it stands, one nation, under God, indivisible, with liberty and justice for all.” Some more left-leaning individuals either recite the same pledge without “under God,” or recite a version that goes “‘I pledge allegiance to Reach out and talk to someone “This is my iceberg; it belongs to me.” — Marco Evaristti, a Danish artist who used three fire hoses, 20 helpers, and 780 gallons of red dye. to paint a Greenland-area iceberg completely red. ‘&'A<.i-m-cczoze Aw; its l,=':~n»'.:r.:m] ) Erin Julius Chris Lauderman Caley Anderson Anne Finley Megan Morgan Cody Gabbard John Hyland Chad Kiewiet de Jonge Emily Edwards Kelly Jo Larsen Vanessa Arness Managing Editor Production Director Opinions Editor Asst. Opinions Editor Arts & Life Editor Photography Editor Asst. Sports Editors Production Assistants Copy Editors Paul Seifert David Seifert Rob Rain , Leggett Kitchin Stephen Lipscomb Andrew Latimer Business Managers Circulation Director Asst. Circulation Dir Distribution Dir Editor in chief The Ring-tum Phi is published Mondays during the undergraduate school year at Washington and Lee Univer- sity, Lexington, Virginia. The Ring-tum Phi is a member of The Media Board, but is otherwise independent. The Ring-tum Phi welcomes all responsible sub- missions and letters. All submissions must be e—mailed to phi@wlu.edu or in the University Center mailbox by 5 p.m. Friday to appear in the following week’s edition. The Ring-tum Phi reserves the right to edit submissions for content and length. Letters and columns do not necessarily reflect the opinion of The Ring-tum Phi Editorial Board. Advertising does not reflect the opin- ions of The Ring-tum Phi or its staff. This newspaper observes current court definitions of libel and obscenity. The Ring-tum Phi University Commons Room. 341 Washington and lee University Lexington, Virginia 24450 Telephone: (540) 458-4060 Fax: (540) 458-4059 Email: phi@wlu.edu Subscription rate $40 Let’s talk. When was the last time you sat down and had a nice leisurely conversation with a good friend or with any- one about nothing? Outside of meals, I rarely have time to just sit down, sip a cup of coffee, and talk, especially about nothing in particular. And I’m not alone. Too often in our busy lives as students on this campus and just as people in this fast paced- world, we do not have the chance to converse just for the heck of it. We talk about schoolwork, we talk about work- work, and we talk about our various prob- TRAIN or THOUGHT TRAN KIM ‘05 Virginia to New York if you had a very fast horse and a very small load. Life was very slow-paced, the exact opposite of our lives today. But in those days, people knew the meaning and value of quality time spent with family and fiiends. They knew the value of a good conver-“V sation over tea and cookies. The only time I have the chance to sit down and just talk about anything and everything is when I go home and have nothing to do. It is then that I will meet up with my best friend for a cup of coffee at Barnes and Noble and rifle through fash- ion magazines and catch up on lerns and dilem— everything in our mas. There’s lives. But whenl alsoaproblern withtoomuch small- enter the city limits of Lexington, talk, one that I must admit I engage in much too often. It can also be called stop-and-go talk. You stop for a second, say hello, and then say goodbye. It usually lasts about 10 seconds but on good days might even last as much as one minute! Our society has advanced so much technologically and our lives have been made easier than those who lived decades before us, but are they really better? In those days, it took a week to travel from all communications are cutoff. You have the same excuses as I do, I’m sure. There’s so much work to do, so little time to do it, and so much pressure to get it done. But are we losing ourselves in our struggle for achievement? That “A” is important and could possibly make or break you. Though you may get the A and make it, you may have broken your- self in the process. Is it better to makeitbutbebrokenornottomake it and be in one piece? If you had t Home f0rSa 704 N. MAIN ST., EXINGTON, A Built circa 1880 on Institute Hill, now completely restored with modern plumbing, wiring, heating, windows and new appliances. New carpeting in all main rooms plus stenciled wood floors. 4 Bedrooms, 1 1/2 Baths, Livingroom/Diningroom, all new kitchen plus a large utility/office Room. Large third floor storage room and an attached outside storage area. ' Two large front porches and beautiful old stone walls on terraced landscaping. Easy walk to VMI, Washington and Lee or downtown shopping. Private lane access and parking. Taxes $400 yearly. Asking $229,000. (540) 464-3738 or (540)460-4718 . § to make a choice, I hope you would choose the latter. Our accomplish- ments are important but it’s impor- tant to keep in mind that life is much more than what we do. What's most important is who we are with. _At the end of the day, the PhD merely fills’ up empty spaces on our walls, but will it fill up the empty spaces in our hearts? I am not implying that we must choose between a way of life filled only by work and a way of life dominated by only leisure be- cause doing one or the either is no solution either. Rather, we must find a balance and live in the middle between these two lives. We should not neglect our academic or career health, but we should also be careful to not neglect our men- tal and spiritual health. So my advice to everyone is to take some time aside for yourself and treat yourself to a nice conversation with someone you enjoy talking to. Take some time to call up a friend you nor- mally only talk with through in- stant messaging and have a vo- cal conversation. Take some time to write a friend that you can’t call. Indeed, just take some time to explore the wonder of a good conversation. House for Rent In The Country Lease goes from June 15, 2004 to June 15, 2005 1.5 miles on Rt. 60 East “Jaws” Daytime Phone: 540-463-5383 Nighttime Phone: 540-463-5654 rrrorro oourmsv or 1 HARMLESS. Is this sentiment really unconstitutional? my Flag, and to the Republic for which it stands, one nation, indivisible, with equality, liberty and ’ justice for all.” Then you have a number of pro- life advocates that recite “‘I pledge allegiance to the Flag of the United States of America and to the Republic for which it stands, one nation under God, indivisible, with liberty and justice for all, born and unborn.” No one is preventing differ- ently-minded students from reciting an alternate pledge. ' So honestly, I really don’t think there’s a case here. I think Newdow is wasting the Court’s valuable time, and inciting needless public debate on what is essentially a non—is- sue. There are more important issues than this to address in today’s America. Letter to the editor Single sanction needs to go Dear Editor, Having read Tippins Stone’s letter of last week, I think I speakmfor a good many W&L studentswhen I say'this: Ms. Stone, you are naive. Considering the way that the Honor System is sold to freshmen at our school, your naiveté is completely understandable. I, too, sat in Lee Chapel as a freshman and felt a kind of satisfying self-righteousness upon hearing slogans like “Honor isn’t measured in degrees.” But, like many upperclassmen, I later came to see that those slogans are absolutely non- sensical. So give it some time is my advice. ‘Perhaps if you are ever forced to observe qui- etly while this Honor System ruins the lives of good people for silly reasons, you’ll want to change your tune. Because Lord knows it happens, and the wonder is that we still allow it to. Sure, honor defined as not lying, not cheating, and not stealing is certainly some- thing worth striving for. But the kind of Honor that we worship at W&L is phony and de- structive. It fails to admit what seems to me like a pretty obvious fact of human nature: everybody lies. And those people who say that they’ve never lied are lying. It’s neat that we lie so little at this school, and that lying about important matters (like academics) is nonexistent. But let’s stop al- lowing the EC to kick out our classmates for telling white lies. Letting them consider the context of honor violations when determin- ing a punishment will not demean our tradi- tion or the name of our Holy Father Robert E. Lee. A “single sanction” is pointless, and we should be reasonable enough to admit this. Sincerely, ‘ Dustin Jacobson ‘O5 4 Bedrooms 2 Baths OCR::/Vol_106/WLURG39_RTP_20040329/WLURG39_RTP_20040329_003.2.txt X E WASHINGTON AND LING-TUM LEE UNIVERSITY I. _..'?‘?'_’_”j'9 Bi'T"iG Monday,lvIarch29,2004 Student Activities Organization under investigation BY Cro THELMAN HENEEDSTOFINDHISOWNBED Continuing its “crackdown on hazing” policy, the Student Activities Organization (SAO) is currently under investigation for its “new member education” program. A fresh- man came forward to Dean Watkins last week revealing precise and disturbing accusations of hazing. While the administration is not talking about the allegations, rumors of the SAO’s activities have spread around campus. Local residents were upset when members of the I SAO held up East Lex with Nerf guns in an amazing, but true, story. Potential new members were seen lined up behind the Science Center where unidentifiable frozen food was thrown at them. Upperclass- men identified the chunks as chicken cordon bleu from the old dining hall. Potential new members allegedly were also forced to play in a Halo tournament running all night causing sleep deprivation. “I knew immediately that SAO was haz- ing,” said Professor Uribe Arafranofsky. “Stu- Hook-ups banned in campus bui .dings PHOTO COURTBY OF ~ #57 HE WEARS A GRIN FROM EAR TO FAR. In light of the new campus debauchery ban, President Burish can keep on smiling. He’s a married man. BY RENE LOUAPRE HEAD or RISK MANAGHVEENT In a move described as “momentous and ex- hilarating,” W&L administrators in conjunction with SAC, the Student Health Center, and L.I.F.E. announced yesterday that non-married couples will be prohibited from engaging in any inappropriate sexual relations. Married law students, President and Mrs. Burish, and Dean Watkins will be the only people allowed to “hook-up” in campus build- ings. Thus ends Lucius Beebe’s dream of joining the Colonnade Club with Tim Smith. “Any touching between the neck and the knees poses a serious health risk for students of W&L. My job is to find these risks and eliminate them. Just look what I have accomplished with hard alcohol, beer, parties, and smoldng,” said Dr. Jane Horton. The administration also announced that Dr. J .D. Futch III, in his new role as Dean of Religious Life, will be responsible for doling out punish- ments. Dr. Futch was chosen over Burr Datz be- cause Dr. Burish had heard that Futch taught a class on the papacy. Dr. Burish added, “Any man who teaches a class on the papacy must be knowledgeable in the ways of proper decorum for unmarried couples. I mean, popes aren’t even allowed to have intercourse.” Dr. Futch live via satellite said he was shocked by his new duties and role he must fulfill. “I have never considered pre-marital sex to be of any harm to those involved in it. Why Pope Alexander VI used to have naked courtesans pick up chestnuts off the floor with their. . . .” The transmission then abruptly ended. The Administration admitted that at first they didn’t want to approve the measure but was forced to after repeated complaints from people in the Dorms. A small group of protestors led by Will Howorth, Thomas Worthy, and the entire Pi Kappa Phi fraternity denounced the decision. “What is next no more making out on the dance floor? I mean come on this isn’t a convent, it is COLLEGE,” said Whit Whitfield before ripping off his shirt, calling for his dog, and downing a Busch heavy. “You meantotellrneIcan’tgobacktothedonns and chase some tail? Why that is ludicrous, I mean what the hell? Do you want me to hook up outside. Ibet the school would be real happy if I got caught with a girl hooking up in the overly used amphitheatre. I have a political career to wony about,” added Thomas Worthy. Overall, the move has been praisedby theAdnrin— istration as a great step in finally dealing with the pesky, fraternity problem dents have been falling asleep in my exciting, exciting class.” Witnesses claim to have seen freshmen from the organization having a water balloon fight on the second floor of Leybum Library. “They deserve to be kicked off campus,” said Reference Librarian Dick Grefe. “Our government docu- ments are ruined!” - , Independents not attached to the SAO fear that their reputations will be ruined as well. “There’s no (expletive) way that we’re get- ting kicked off this (expletive) campus,” said SAO President James McKay. Many students are rejoicing in the recent events surrounding the demise of SAO. “First they took over Campus Notices, now they invade our beloved Commons day and night,” said Fratty McFratterson. “Where in the hell am I going to go get drunk now?” said Sratty Sue Simpleton. This stunning announcement comes merely six weeks after the EC officially recog- nized W&L’s newest organization. “Our lag time is getting better with every passing year,” chortled Arafranofsky before break- ing into an extended bout of hysterial laughter. CAUGH1‘ ON CAMERA! The newly-formed SAO has lasted less than a year. The W&L to declare War on VMI MARINOSI/‘Nae Blm -tum Pbzi Greek system is certainly med. BY ARHAS RAMRUY SENIOR MILITARY ANALYST In a stunning armouncement _ this morning, Washington and Lee University declared war on neigh- bor Virginia Military Institute. In his news release, President Torn Burish decried the “unforgivable af- front against a time-honored rela- tionship” between the universities. No statement has been given as to the exact nature of the insult against the University. However, a source in the office of the dean of students, who would comment only. if promised anonymity, said that an incident at a fraternity house sparked the conflict. The fraternity in ques- tion has not been named, but the source did say that the incident in- volved three cadets, two fraternity seniors, and a broken lacrosse stick. Mike Young, Director of Secu- rity, is pleased at the news. “I tried to convince John [Elrod] to take this step for years,” Young said. “But [former Dean of Students David] Howison kept whining about ‘main- taining alumni relations’ or ‘unnec- essary casualties’——it was always something with him. I’m so glad that our current president is able to see reason.” Young will be leading the ef- fort to recruit and train Washington & Lee’s army, which will be arranged into companies based on the results of the IM basketball tournament. Professors in several depart- ments have questioned the college’s readiness to go into battle. They point out that the stu- dent body, which will be doing the lion’s share of the fighting, has neither training nor equipment. Happily, Washington and Lee’s armed forces have obtained en- dorsements from North Face and POLO by Ralph Lauren. All recruits will be outfitted with three pastel polo shirts, two pairs of relaxed fit khakis, and a fleece for inclement weather.. Promotional shotglasses and T-shirts will be available for nonparticipants. When asked for comment, Dean of Students Dawn Watkins de- nied the possibility of a disadvan- tage against the military academy, which has a thriving ROTC program. “Sure, the ROTC cadets are trained to_ be professional soldiers,” Watkins admitted. “But will they have the fabulous fashions of our W&L waniors, to say nothing of the latest spring colors? I think not.” “Besides, here at the Univer- sity we have a secret military force over our own, which we’ve main- tained since the days of Lee against this sort of emergency. Naturally, the force has had to drill late at night to avoid detection,” said Watkins. “Several students have of course seen them, and rumors have circu- lated around campus. You might know them as the Cadavers.” Tentative plans to name the army “The Generals” were scrapped in the face of logistical difficulties. “No matter what Baner says, not everyone can be a gen- eral in a military unit,” said Young. Recruitment booths will be set up all week in the Commons and in front of Leyburn Library. The war’s first battle is scheduled for Saturday on VMI’s parade ground. In case of rain, the combat will be moved to Duchoissois Tennis Center. BY PR1NcEss GERTRUDE BALLER EXTRAORDINAIRE Beirut is coming. No, not the capital of Lebanon; the timeless college fraternity tradition is invading college athletics. Following an an- nouncement in Indianapolis by NCAA Commissioner Myles “McFrat” Brand, Beirut will be an official1y—sanc— tioned NCAA sport effective the 2004-2005 academic year. Brand’s announce- ment sparked much contro- versy not only around the athletic world but outside of it as well. College foot- ball coach Bobby Bowden stated that “endorsing drinking games under- mines the credibility of other legitimate college athletes.” Bowden de- clined to comment on the alleged drug problems of BY KRAZY CALEY SAN DIEGO IMPORT Sophomore Janey Everygirl thought she knew whattoexpectfromherW1nterTerrncourse with Prof. Eduardo Velasquez. But, like many other students in this year’s edition of Politics 265, she received a rude awakening during Velasquez’s introductory lecture and class outline. “Plato’s Republic, Aristotle’s Politics,” said Everygirl, reading through the class syllabus’ reading list “Whatthecrap?”Iaskedwlu1tshewasexpectirIg toreadoverthecourse ofthetenn “I don’tknow,I figuredit’dbethe same old. This is Classical Political Philosophy, so I guess he would usually assign an ” OscarW1ldeplay,someChadesBaudelairepoetry,liner notes fromaMetallicaaIbum, andmaybethenutrition facts from a box of T1c—Tacs or something. The com- mon theme would be ‘redernption,”’ said Everygirl. Herreference wasto afamous class sessionlastyear, his star football players. Reverend Jerry Falwell warned that “allowing teenagers under 21 to willfully break the law should appeal to our moral consciousness.” more uimzsv or cup. BIG TYMERS. The addition of Beirut as an NCAA-sanctioned sport will pit the Generals against D—1 powerhouses such as the University of California. which did in fact deal with the subject of redemption and T1c—Tacs. “He noted that the Tic—Tacs in question were orange, a color associated with impetuousness and hot tempers, but that they were without any fat, sodium, pro- tein, or sugars, indwd, the Tic-Tacs lacked any sort of carbohydrates whatever. The T1c—Tacs were vessels of hollow rage, unable to act on their strong feelings because of their lack of any nutritional value,” said Everygirl. Reading assignments weren’t the only thing stu- dents were shockedabout “’Ihewayheranclassthisyear was allOl"difl°erent,” saidTor Coolguy, a senior. “He’d just gave alecture and tookafew questions. At no point didhe play music videos,referenceHan'yPotter,ormakeusrepre— sent the concept oflove using only a piece of construction paper, scissors, and a cylinder of “Look at said a visibily disturbed Coolguy, holding the syllabus in his shaking hand “it says— ‘The best way to succeed is to take copious notes. Also note that the number one indicator of success in my class is effort As long as you try your best, you’1l more than likely College fratlords responded oth- erwise. “It’s about time that the ad- ministration took notice of our true talents- the one outside of the class- room- drinking,” remarked W&L Velasquez teaches regular class, declared insane Beirut to enter sacrosanct realm of NCAA athletics fratlord Caley Anderson. “There’s a reason why Wash- ington and Lee is the number 5 party school in the Princeton Review.” Dean Watkins declined to comment on the recent development. Much to the chagrin of lightweight Division I sports en- thusiasts, Beirut will transcend di- vision boundaries. “We liberal arts colleges have a right to stand up and claim our athletic dignity. Our football teams may suck, but hey, ‘we sink ‘em, you drink ‘em”’ Anderson continued. Beirut was popularized in the 1950s when it was known as beer pong and was dis- tantly related to ping pong. In ‘ its current form today, it in- volves two teams of two people attempting to sink a ping pong ball into a triangu- lar arrangement of Solo cups laden with warm Natty Light. get an A. If you still feel a lack of confidence, feel free to apply to take this course pass/fail, and I’ll be happy to sign oif on it’” Coolguy went on to note that the syllabus was printed on only one side of a single page of paper, and contained no discourse on the nature of learning. Student concerns about Velasquez have led to his temporary committment to a mental institution. “VVIthout Professor Velasquez’s efforts, who will teach our students the non-intuitive side of politics?” asked President Burish in a recent press conference. “Who.wi1l show them that thewalls ofacademictraditioncanbeaprisontolimittheir understanding? And more importantly, who will show themthe wisdom inherentin ‘The SecretofNIMH?”’ “I really like Professor Velasquez better the other way,” said a student who is certainly not the author of this article. “He really made you work and think about what politics really is. And, you know, he was probably going to give me an A because he’s such an awesome guy.” The student then went on to ‘reiterate that he was most defi- nitely not Phi Editor Caley Anderson OCR::/Vol_106/WLURG39_RTP_20040329/WLURG39_RTP_20040329_004.2.txt PAGE 4 ‘:1. 2? w MONDAY, MARCH 29, 2004 BAHA Boy goes from mainstream to uber-preppie Shocking turn of events: Phi Delta Theta initiates first-ever public school graduate BY THE DIVERSITY DNA TSAR or THE MIDWEST Public school? Who goes to public school? That’s a question that faces fresh- man George Felton Jefferson Bradford Albert Henry Anderson XII, every day as he walks the beloved columns of Washington and Lee. Known simply as Baha to most people, he explains, “When you’re the twelfth the names have all been used already. My parents com- bined some of my initials—Bradford Albert Henry Anderson— to come up with my name, much the same way people might call a third son Tripp.” His public school image is some- thing Baha faces valiantly and strives to over- come. “It’s quite a problem,” Baha bemoans. “Rush was quite difficult. The minute anyone found out that I went to public school, well, they- looked at me differently.” He tried very hard to conquer his public school baggage and did re- ceive a bid from Phi Delta Theta earlier this win- ter. “I mean it could have been worse. I could have been from the north—-—I mean god forbid what if I was from some horrid place like Phila- delphia. Phi Delt would have never given me an- other look,” Baha explains. Thankfully though, Baha hails from the great city of Atlanta, Geor- gia. Baha has four older brothers, all of whom his father sent to boarding or prep schools across the south. “My brothers went to Episcopal and Woodberry Forest, Westminister, and McCallie. Any of them could have come here and no one would have given them a second look. My dad decided that he wanted me to have a grounding in reality though, so he sent me to public school. He thought I should be able to work with com- moners.” “High school was very hard for me. I had to overcome hurdles at every turn. I found that I constantly had to remind myself that this is not how the real world was. I mean rHo'ro OOURTESY or polawm VISIONS» OF THE PREPPIE HANDBOOK. Class of 2007 member George Felton Jefferson Bradford Albert Henry Anderson XII, discusses the angst of finding one’s place Washington and Lee Greek life. girls in Tommy Hilfiger in the heights of spring? Don’t they know that they should be wearing Lilly? And don’t even get me started on the boys. I don’t think a one of them had ever heard of Brooks Brothers, Patagonia or North Face. Occasionally I would see Polo, but they had the impression that these were dress shirts and that the col- lars were meant to be wore down!” Baha re- members. “It was a constant battle—me ver- sus them. I held strong though, "knowing that someday, somehow, I would return to the real world and there, there I would be right. I would enter a world where kids knew what I meant when I said that sunglasses should be on Croakies, flip flops should be either Reefs or Rainbows, and shorts should be either plaid or seersucker,” Baha explains. ‘fWhen I came to W&L I was delighted to finally be back among people who under- stood me. I mean at home in Atlanta, I could always go visit the kids at Westminster or at Lovett, but it wasn’t the same. I still had to attend class every day at public school. On Move-in Day I was determined to make a good impression. The day before, I went off roading in my Tahoe, just to get that great spray of dirt across the side,” Baha explains. He also ar- rived fully prepared for W&L life—including the all important frat cup. “My older brothers understood that I had a great challenge to over- come and they prepared me for it. I arrived fully stocked in frat cups and carried one on the Hill every day during the fall.” Public school can be hard for anyone to overcome, but Baha seems to be adjusting to life at W&L quite well. To his fellow students he issues this challenge: “Never judge a book by its cover. When you hear a kid is from public school, don’t just blow him off—look deeper. If you see the Rainbows, the seersuckers, and a wonderfully unkempt mane, stop and think, and realize that this kid might not be the typical pub- lic school kid. Remember that all public school kids are different, and while yes, for the major- ity, they might not be someone you wish to as- sociate with, every once in a while you happen upon a good one. Furthermore, I’d like to. thank my brothers at Phi Delt for looking past my pub- lic school background and for taking the time to give me a chance. I mean, thank god I don’t have to overcome something like being from Philadel- phia. I just have to remember, it could be worse.” Downed Kirwan kidnapped, sequestered as sweatshop slave BY C TO THE LMAN tennis shoes. This surpris- Julius, managing editor of the HE NEEDS HIS OWN BED, AGAIN The government an- nounced the capture of a 2004 Washington and Lee graduate in a statement released by the United States Navy yester- day. Brett Kirwan, 23, and three others were captured by Chinese troops when their Navy helicopter was shot down over western China last week. The other three men were rescued shortly after the crash. Kirwan, however, was not so fortunate. The statement prepared by the Secretary of the Navy released yesterday said that Kirwan was rumored to be en- slaved in a sweatshop making ing twist comes three years after Kirwan wrote an article entitled “Sweatshops make cents” in the Ring-tum Phi condoning the practices of sweatshops. “Sweatshops aren’t nearly as bad as they’re made out to be. In fact, sweat- shops, and the opportunity they provide, are an important step in a nation’s develop- ment,” said Kirwan in his ar- ticle. “Sweatshops were a part of America’s journey to prosperity.” The atmosphere on campus is one of shock. Campus reaction to Kirwan’s capture is mixed. “I never got the chance to tell Brett how much I loved him,” said Erin Phi in a shocking revelation. “Brett is finally getting what he deserves,” said Jer- emy Mims, former roommate of Kirwan and current Editor in Chief of Guise magazine. “Now he gets to see how the little children of China suffer for his pro-Republican crass commercialism agenda!” “I just can’t understand. Ijust can’t. . .” said Andrew Latimer, Kirwan’s fraternity little brother and confidant. President Bush, six months after winning reelec- tion in a landslide, said in a press conference yesterday that the country will do ev- erything it can to locate Kirwan and bring him home as soon as possible. WHAT ABOUT QUICKHITS? Somewhere Brett Kirwan endures menial sweatshop Work. If only he could be back in hex demonstrating his illustrious wit and wisdom. An ode to the C-Sc/Jool BY THE UNCLOTHED MUSE ECONOMICS GURU It sets us apart from the other top 25 liberal arts colleges in the nation. It is home to the concentrations of roughly one—third of undergraduate students. And it is the most Edenic building on campus. That’s right, I’m talkin’ about the C-school. For all my criticisms and complaints about the students in par- ticular here at W&L, I know there is always one place I can go to enjoy the splendors of human interaction, or the peacefulness of quiet study. Always pleasant. Never inconsiderate. Ahhh, the c—school. The inhabitants of other academic buildings on campus can- not even hold a candle to the utopian ideals upheld by those fortu- nate enough to be members of the elite country club that consists of C—school majors. I challenge you to search the science building for a greater abundance of knowledge; to search DuPont for a more cultured and intriguing group of people; you can even search Payne for more eloquent, intelligible speakers and writers. You will not find any. The C-school represents the pinnacle of W&L’s educa- tional system, and there is no greater building or grouping of ma- jors. Where else on campus do students write grammatically per- fect essays? Where else do students vocally participate in class in such intelligent and articulate manners so as to stimulate the most thought-provoking, educational discussions possible? Nowhere. And it is not merely this general intelligence that character- izes the mien of the beloved Commerce building. It is the students themselves. Such a diverse, yet homogenously polite and courte- ous, group of people exists no where else. It is an atmosphere still governed by conservative gentlemanly and gentlewomanly behav- ior. The thought of bringing a cell phone, or other modern day sources or rudeness, to class or even to a study session in the computer lab is unheard of, let alone someone allowing their cell phone to ring loudly and incessantly while others are trying dili- gently to get their work done. And, of course, people never have loud private conversations on their cell phones in either the com- puter lab or the reading room, since that would be excessively impo- lite and cause a disruption to others. Such behaviors are simply not to be found in the C—school. Also, despite the fact that everyone has a constant flow of papers to write or computer projects to work on, no one ever self- ishly hogs the computers. Certainly, egocentric behavior such as leaving stacks of books on the desks and preventing others from using the computers even when you’re not there working, or play- ing mindless computer games when the lab is full, forcing others to stand and wait to get their real work done is plainly not a problem or a concern there, since it does not happen. As far as classroom etiquette goes, students in other majors would do well to follow the example set by the kind and diligent c- schoolers. One would be hard-pressed to find students asleep in these classes! The mentally stimulating conversations, in addition to the shear enjoyment of one another’s company keeps these students awake and enthused throughout the school day, especially during an 8a.m. Intermediate Accounting, or an 8a.m. Tax class. And you thought W&L didn’t offer a class on how to have fun.. Well, you thought wrong. Just ask these studious pupils. Always well prepared, wide awake, and consistently presentable, C—school students are in-a class by themselves (literally, for most of the classes contain the same mix of students over and over again with very few new faces). . ‘ While it may be too late for juniors and seniors, freshmen and sophomores may want to reconsider their choice of majors. If you have not already come over to the darkside...er...I mean C- school...then perhaps you need to re—evaluate what it is you want out of your W&L experience. With what sorts of people do you want to associate? The experience of higher education is invalu- able, and it would be shameful to suffer through this experience inefficiently, getting less than the maximum benefit out of it. Many of your fellow students spend the majority of their academic time in this pseudo—paradise...where do you do your homework? UnsungGeneral BY PRINCESS GERTRUDE BALLER EXTRAORDINAIRE In a ceremony last week in Lee Chapel, the Celebrating Student Success committee named Brian Castleberry ’O4 this year’s Unsung General. Castleberry is the current president of the In- terfraternity Council (IFC) and has worked valiantly to bring about the demise of the University’s Greek System. “Brian is the epitome of a Washington and Lee student,” said Dean of Students Dawn Watkins. “Without his efforts, we may not have had seven extra fraternity houses at our disposal for next year.” The IFC went from frat-friend to f1at—fiend this year, thanks to new regulations that virtually elimi- nated all hazing, ehem, new member education pro- grams during Winter Term. An incensed Thomas Worthy could hardly contain himself following the ceremony. “This is an outrage. What is wrong with feeding your pledges crazy consumable concoctions and forc- ing them to make 2a.m. runs to Roanoke? I fail to see the harm in that.” Castleberry overheard Worthy’s comments and responded as follows, “Mr. Worthy, the proper phrase is ‘new members,’. not the ‘p-word.’ We at Washington and Lee do not use such lan- guage-” Security officers Baner and Rexrode were forced to escort Worthy away from Lee Chapel. It is uncertain whether he will remain on next year’s Executive Committee.- OCR::/Vol_106/WLURG39_RTP_20040329/WLURG39_RTP_20040329_005.2.txt . ASSITANFSPORTSEDITOR hylaiid;l3@Wluedu MONDAY, MARCH 29, 2004 Ti-ERN3-TUMPHT PORTS Womens’ tennis rolls 19-1 BY JANE BEALL . STAFF WRITER ‘This past Wednesday marked the beginning of the Fab Five Tournament, one of the highlights of the Washington and Lee’s women’s tennis sea- son. W&L invites and hosts the nation’s top teams to compete in the week-long tournament. This year’s participating teams include top—ranked Emory, Wil- L liams, Rhodes, University of the Redlands, DePauw, - ' and UC Santa Cruz. The Generals first faced the nineteenth ranked Fighting Banana Slugs from Santa Cruz. The unde- feated doubles team of Lindsay Hagerrnan and Ginny . ‘ Wortham brought their opponents down 9-7, set- ting the tone for the team’s 9-0 victory over the Slugs. This win marked the 300th career win for head coach Cinda Rankin, who took the Generals to the national tournament finals last year. She’s led her squad to thirteen ODAC championships and ten straight NCAA D'—HI top eight finishes, earning the conference coach of the year award ten times along the way. “We’re all really excited for Cinda,” Wortham said. “We’re proud we could be the team to bring her the 300th win.” Coach Cinda Rankin hits lucky number 300 Rankin’s teams extended her overall record to 302-50 with the decisive 9-0 defeats of seventh- ranked DePauw on Thursday and thirteenth-ranked University of the Redlands on Saturday. All but one General defeated their opponents in only two sets, Freshman Kristen McC1ung fought back after losing her first set to Claire Ellis 4-6, winning the next two 6-1, 6-2. The rest of the Generals handled the Tigers easily, each taking only two sets to take . down DePauw. Saturday’s match brought another shut-out against the Redlands Bulldogs. Freshman Katie Kingsbury, playing in the number sixth slot, won a nail-biter against Tania Talaid, taking the victory in a tiebreaker, 6-3, 3-6, (10-4). Freshman Amanda Haines observed that, “A lot of teams are out to beat us, but our doubles teams have succeeded in creating the momentum needed for singles, and everyone has done a great job of battling and clos- ing out the matches.” The Generals have a tough schedule this week, hosting tenth-ranked Rhodes on Sunday and eightli-ranked Williams Tuesday at 3:30 to conclude WINNER. The womens’ tennis team continues to win. the Fab Five tournament. Mens’ lax starts ODAC season on a winning note ‘C)NTl-IEA'I'I‘ACK. AttackmanMattFinkgoesforthe goal. (‘Finding itself down in tough stretch, BY CAMERON GARNER SENIOR STAFF WRITER Men’s lacrosse proved their worth and silenced some doubts generated by their mod- est 4-3 record to date, as they ral- lied from a 3 goal deficit late in the game to beat #12 Lynchburg yesterday. In their first ODAC test, the Generals responded by scoring the final 5 goals in a garnethat, in all of junior goalie Pat Casey illus- trious lax career here and at high school lacrosse “power” Georgetown Prep, “was the great- est game I’ve ever been a part 0 Senior midfielder Dustin Martin’s unassisted score a mere 28 seconds into the second half gave the Generals a 6-4 lead, but the Hornets responded with a 5- goal spurt that put them ahead 9- 6. Junior attackman Jack “don’t quote me anymore” Murray ig- nited the General’s garne-winning run with an unassisted score with 9:07 left in the fourth. Less than a minute later, Senior attack Matt Fink scored — one of his four goals on the day — off a feed from senior niiddie Mark McLewee. McLewee would tie the game at 9 off a feed from jun- ior attack Gavin Molinelli with 5: 16 remaining. Another minute later, Fink had netted the game—win- ning goal. But the Generals weren’t done scoring...not by a long shot. Sophomore midfielder and professional hair model Perrin “ soul glow” Monroe decided one goal was simply not enough of a lead. The ‘fro got the ball a mere 23 seconds after Fink’s tally, and ripped a behind-the-back laser from the restraining line to cap the General’s scoring at 11. The Generals dominated every category: shots (38-22), baseball team drops first ODAC game, 8-4 BY JOHN HYLAND _ Ass1sTANT SPORTS EDITOR The W&L baseball team had opened its ODAC season a perfect 7-0 but last week faced its toughest competition of the ; season playing three road games ‘against perennial ODAC power- . houses, Bridgewater and Virginia I ‘Wesleyan. The Generals traveled to ‘Bridgewater on Wednesday. While the Eagles had been only mediocre in the early season with an 11-11 record, they were still {picked to finish 2nd in the ODAC preseason poll. W&L got off to a i quick start, with two first inning J runs on senior Bryan Mulhem’s ; RBI single and sophomore first baseman Taylor McConnell’s sacrifice fly. The Generals main- tained their lead heading into the fourth but the Eagles rallied to _score a combined seven runs in the third, fourth and fifth innings to take a comfortable 7-2 lead. McConnell doubled home Mulhem in the seventh and later scored on an error but it was the closest the Generals would get and suffered an 8-4 loss. Mulhem, W&L’s starting pitcher, did his best to help his own cause at the plate, going 2 for 5 with two runs and an RBI but it was not enough as he surrendered six runs in 5 2/3 innings to even his record to 1-1 on the year. In the loss, sophomore centerfielder Dave MacKenzie and junior catcher Zach Bausch each re- corded three hits. W&L traveled to Virginia Beach on Saturday to face Vir- ginia Wesleyan, the first place team in the ODAC. The team ar- rived home too late for many of the statistics to be available but the Generals split the double- Student Discounts header. W&L dropped the opener 9-5 with staff ace Peter Dean suffering his first loss of the season to drop his record to 6-1 on the year. The Generals came back in the second game, however, to defeat the Marlins 8- 6. Senior righthander, Dan Kagey, battled back from some early in- ning struggles to continue his impressive season and keep his record a perfect 5-0 on the year. Freshman third baseman Clayton Edwards was the hero offen- sively for the Generals recording eight RBIs in the two games. The Generals face another tough week ahead of them. They play Bridgewater again on Wednes- day at home and then travel to Lynchburg for a doubleheader on Saturday. The Hornets have emerged as on of the ODAC’s top clubs this season, boasting an im- pressive 16-4 record. groundballs (36-24) and faceoffs (13-11). Junior midfielders Adam Chesbrough and Mike Barracco gave the team the possessions that they needed out of the face—offs, go- ing 6-for-8 at the end of the game against a very good face- off man, and putting their team in position to pull off the come- from—behind victory. In a tight game, the face- offs were the key. Senior goalie Ansel Sanders made some huge stops in the late stages of the game to support the run. Fink paced the Generals with 4 goals, McLewee had 2 goals and 2 assists, Molinelli notched 2 and 1, while Martin had 1 and 1. The Generals look to keep momentum up as they travel to Randolf-Macon on Wednesday, a 4 pm contest, and come home to face Roanoke at 1:30 on Saturday. URTESY PORTS RMATION IT’s ON. Steven Chambers runs to a second place finish in the 1500 meter run in the Bridgewater Invitational. PAGE 5 37 goals propel womens’ lax BY SARAH BLOOM STAFF WRITER Wednesday afternoon was a day of celebra- tion for the Women’s Lacrosse team. The women slaughtered Bridgewater with a final victorious score of 19-1. Sophomore Amanda Strickler claimed two goal and two assists to lead the Generals. Freshman Avery Lovejoy took the ball to the net three times; senior Lee Wheeler and sophomore Kate Lester each made one goal and one assist. “Going in to the Bridgewater game we knew that we were going to have to play ‘our game’ and keep up intensity,” said freshman Aver Lovejoy of the General’s extreme win. “Every game is an op- poitunity to improve ourselves in many areas on the field.” Saturday’s competition, Catholic University, provided a greater challenge to the women. Though the Generals outscored the Cardi- nals with a final score of 18-7, the Generals lead by a mere goal going in to half-time. Senior Lee Wheeler pulled the Generals in to a one point lead with 3:55 left on the clock before half-time. “It was close and that was expected,” said sophomore Amanda Strickler. “Although Catholic is not ranked, they are in a very tough conference with at least 4 teams ranked in the top ten. The most important thing we did at halftime was realize that just because a team isn’t ranked doesn’t mean that we can roll over them.” The Generals came back to the field ready to cement the win, however, outscoring the Cardinals by 10 points in the second half. Senior Kelly Taffe lead the Generals with 5 goals and junior Kitt Murphy followed closely behind with four goals and one assist. Senior Joanna Perini made nine saves at the net. “The win yesterday was huge,” said Taffe. “It says a lot when a team can totally turn in on after half time. Our defense had an incredible sec- ond half and didn’t let in a single goal. Sara Jurkowsky played exceptionally well and led the defense to a shut-out in the second half.” . The two victories helped the womengain momentum going in to a tough week of competi- tion. The Generals next face 6th ranked Williams. “The two victories were two chances for us to prove ourselves and continue playing as a unit,” said Lovejoy. “They are proof that we can raise our level of play every time we step on the field.” Track teams compete in invitational W&L SPORTS RELEASE The Washington and Lee men’s and women’s track teams were in action at the Bridgewater Invi- tational on Saturday in Bridgewater, Va. There were no team scores kept as only indi- vidual efforts were tracked. On the women’s side, freshman Sara Behmerwohld (San Juan Capistrano, Calif./Dana Hills) led the Generals with a second-place fmish in the 400 meter hurdles (1:12.12) and a fourth-place time of 17.75 in the 100 meter hurdles. Junior Emily Barker (Clifton, Va./Mount Vernon) placed fourth in the shot put (36’0.50”), junior Meredith Walker (Travelers Rest, S.C./Christ Church Episcopal) placed fifth in the 200 meter dash (28.17) and fresh- man Huntley Rodes (Nashville, TennJHarpeth Hall) placed fifth in the 400 meter dash (1 :05.8 1). On the men’s side, junior Steve Chambers (Christiana, Pa./Octorara Area) was W&L’s top fm- isher, taking second place in the 1500 meter run with a time of 4: 10.68. Junior Nathan Johnson (Lex- ington, Va./Rockbridge County) took third posi- tion in the 1500 meter run with a time of 4:11.00, while sophomore Hugo Ledesma Diaz (Zapopan, Mexico/Amer. School at Guadalajara) placed third in the 400 meter hurdles with a time of 1:01.34. Your ad could be here! Contact phi-business@wlu.edu to place an ad! ALL AUTO SERVICES Brakes - Exhaust - Tune-up A/C Services - Oil Change - Engine & Transmission Replacement/Rebuild General Service & Repair Car Wash In/Out & Detailing U-Haul Truck & Trailer Rentals 10% STUDENT DISCO tJNT!! federated Blue Ridge Auto Center 1973 Magnolia Ave. Buena Vista, VA 24416 (540)261-9377 OPEN Mon-Fri. 8 - 5pm Sat. 8 --Noon iarns—3:00 TUESDAY MARCH 30 0 Baseball vs. Bn'dgewater—3 :00 - M Tennis vs. Roanoke, W111- ° WTennis vs. EMU--4:00 -WLacrosse vs. Williams—4:00i This Week WEDNESDAY MARCH 3 1 - M Lacrosse at Randolph- Macon--4:00 Gr.c>aaa LAWRENCE RANGEL Pru>.rD3.'AttxANoeR Memos Fliklffi 540-461-3447 309 N. min St. Lexirigton, VA 24450 OCR::/Vol_106/WLURG39_RTP_20040329/WLURG39_RTP_20040329_006.2.txt PAGE 6 THE 'tH£R1Nc-TUMPHI AST WORD Mt.=oANMoRoAN AR”lS&l.IPEEDll‘OR morganmb@wlu.edu MONDAY, MARCH 29, 2004 Spring’s approach causes old rivals to bury the hatchet and Lexington to fall in love with itself all over again Spring is in the air, and you know what that means — that crafty little Cupid is floating around, shooting his amorous arrows into everything he sees. A wave of love has taken hold of W&L, to a de- gree never before seen. All over the place, people are putting away their criticisms and forgetting their rivalries, and replac- ing them with kind words ' underbelly and expose the Greeks for the social menace that we all know them to .truly be. 2) Saks and Fox produce W&L’s first Workout Video. The original Fitness Cen- ter Odd Couple have de- cided to workout their dif- ferences for and see what it’s like on “the other side.” Now, spring term courses are available with Prof Porter teaching “Money and Banking of the Ottoman Empire,” and Prof Gold- smith holding a seminar in “Macroeco- nomic Theory—the Shakespearean Approach.” Finally, the faculty will agree on the and lots of hugs. It truly ABSQLUTFRATLORD the benefit of Spring Term brings tears of joy to my ‘ the entire W&L question, eyes, just like at the end of TIMSMITH 04 fitness commu- since this Babe when that magnificent pig gets a perfect score in the sheep dog trials. What—can’t the Frat Lord be a little emotional for once? (Ed.—no.) Anyway, this cloud of love has changed our campus forever, with bitter rivals being transformed into close friends. Here are just a few examples of the wonderful metamorphosis that’s tak- ing place in Lex Vegas: 1) Shipman and McQuigg have joined forces with W&L Security. With their gin bucketing days long behind them, Luke and Zach have decided to put away their fratty facade and join forces with their long-time nemesis. Inspired by Rexrode’s recent thwarting of dishonorable laptop stealing outsiders, the duo have been knighted by Mike Young into “junior se- curity guard” status. With a job descrip- tion reminiscent of Johnny Depp in 21 Jump Street, Shipman and McQuigg work zealously to infiltrate the dark fraternity nity. By pool- ing their knowledge and re- sources, the have released the smash success video, “Warner Center Workout,” currently available at the bookstore. In the video, Saks gives weight—lifting lessons, while Fox adds helpful fitness fashion tips for those who still can’t fig- ure out what to wear while working out. The video also feature cam- eos by Chris Caramore as the Tae-Bo in- structor and Joe Cutler as the protein shake diet advisor. 3) C-School and Humanities Departments announce faculty exchange program. In a revolutionary new plan to save W&L money and broaden our liberal arts educa- tion, faculty members of Williams Com- merce School and other departments on campus have decided to switch buildings new curricu- lar approach will foster compromise between the “old guard,” the “new guard” and the all those in between. PI-{UFO COURTESY OF HOMEPAGl'3.PARADlSE.NE'l‘.I-l'lML 4) W&L fraternities announce new profit-shar- ing plan. Realizing that we all share the same fratty common bond, the IFC has unveiled a plan in which all frat boys pay dues to a single source, essentially com- bining all fraternities into one. This amazing development has resulted in peace and harmony never before experi- enced. Friendships which were thought to be previously impossible are blossom- ing across campus. Chesborough and Fechtel have been seen sipping mint ju- leps on the Colonnade. Kirwan and Gazica are seen sharing a pitcher at the ' Palms. And the increasingly volatile situ- ation between Turer and Bracewell is solved over a game of thumb-wrestling. 5) The Phi and Trident combine to usurp USA Today as the national Mc-Paper of choice. Finally realizing that people at the Phi are just too lazy and uncreative to fall into a campus-paper-mudslinging match, the Trident masters have extended the olive branch to the Phi, which has readily accepted. By combining the Phz"s boredom and the Trident’s (ahem) “unique student appeal,” the new Tri-Tum Phi has formed a journalistic juggernaut, featuring top notch news and sports re- porting with witty, insightful'social com- mentary from yours truly, and of course, the Intellectuals themselves. Denbow is even allowed on the back page again, as he promises to never again write a col- umn which mentions UK Wildcat basket- ball. As you can see, things are sugar and spice here in Lexington. Except not — April Fools, suckers. Things on cam- pus are feistier than ever, with rising temperature going along with rising tem- pers. But (Huge Cliché Warning) can’t we all just get along? This is a tough time of year — spring term is almost within our grasp, yet with pending exams, it still seems so far away. Let’s all try to make it there in one piece. iph@wIu.edufv} Q The Phiought to be investigated. for hazing by sleep deprivation. A ~ A. « - Q When I was playing poker the other day, A funniest thing happened. More more chips I had, the more the girls started to like me. Weird. , Q No one cared when Jeb Brooks was edi- tor in chief , and we care even less that he isn’t any more. Do you not have anything better to write about? Q There should only be one paper at W&L. It should be on—line, come out daily and be called “The Campus Notice.” Q No smoking in the freshman dorms? Isn't it ironic that the campus has become so anti—tobacco since Burish also become President of the Ameri- can Cancer Society? Q Did anyone else see that girl at the I—House rave with the glowstick earrings? Where can I get a pair? Q Heuoubes: Amazing but true. Q Hey EC, if you have a problem with the Tri- dent, don’t go crying to the Phi about it. Q [ I’m_ mad because I do on a Saturday night is disparage others who write funny things in the Ring tum-Phi and Phi Kaps who are not a GDI like A my coolself. Q Silly freshman, it’s an honor system, not an , honor. code. Know what you are trying to defend W before you write to the Phi about it. Q If hate Spring Term, transfer to a school A that has two 15 week terms instead of complain- ing about something that so many students cher- ish and that makes W&L the unique institution that it is. Q Whoever wrote last week’s Quick Hit about the “two” fraternitites completing pledgeship is completely wrong. Sigma Chi and Kappa Sig were also able to legitimately stick it out without com- plaining. Q If there was a “Big Four” earlier this year, there clearly isn’t one now. Can some srat girls please write an updated article (or Quick Hit) de- claring a new Big (Two/Three/Four)? Q So who’s been ripping the Lexington Police report out of The Rockbridge Weekly at the J- School? DUI maybe? Q Sam Wilmoth is the most sought-after bach- elor on campus, not Tye Haeberle. I mean, have you seen how many hot girls surround Sam in the D—Hall? They’re on him like white on rice! Way to go, Sam! ' Q The state of Missouri named a stretch of highwayadopted by the Ku Klux Klan (K) the “Rosa Parks Highway." , . If the Iraq War was about oil, why is gas nearly’ $2.00 a gallon? I swear, the next liberal that whines the war was about oil is buying my next 8 tank of gas. The J—School sh‘ould"‘really cater to the converative student body with Fox News on the TVs instead of CNN. Q Dining Services has gone mad with power. Q Eternal vigilance is the price of . . . ooh, look! A butterfly! Q Today in Justice: Charles Manson was given the death penalty and Lt. William Calley was given life in prison for the My Lai massacre, both in 1971. Q Have you seen “Gothika?” I don’t like Halle Berry with hair. It creeps me out. Q Chances are the French are responsible for April Fool’s Day. Q More: How about this for April Fools? April 1, 1789 marked the first day the US House of Repre- sentatives had a quorum and began business by electing Frederick Muhlenberg speaker. Q When is Kelly Jo going to stop writing ar- ticles about her friends? Q Best of luck to all the students studying abroad in Spain. Q If you ever get hope they avoid your face, because It you’re cute. Q "Aces! ~ Q,.. , ,Boys,’ Life, damned magazine that money can buy. Qt Since when has it been possible to be fratty and watch the Cartoon Network? You just can’t. Q I happen to be the most amusing person that 3 I know, and I figured that you ought to be aware of ‘ that. Q So, after correctly predicting 28 of the first round games, Imight have one Final Four team, if Duke wins. Whoo-hoo, March Madness is soo'o much f11n! ‘ Q The gentlemen of Kappa Alpha Order sure ‘I do know how to show the ladies a good time. Q How inconvenient is The Jefferson’s new ‘ location? More parking, sure, but you can’t walk there. Where am I going to get my corsages? Q Bill is going to win “The Apprentice.” Or maybe Troy, but definitely not Nick; he’s terrible. Q E—mail your anonymous Quick Hits and tales ‘ . of Spring Term debauchery to phi @wlu.edu. FORALL OF YOUR DRY CLEANING NEEDS: University Cleaners 7 North Jefferson Street L463—3622 dry cleaning, laundry, alterations Send your engagement- announcements to the phi@w|u.edu I-800-68-4889 I www.ststnrvcl.tom Celebrate Spring Time Brides ~ Graduation witha Relaxing Massage by Kelly Harris Q (540)264-0063 Gift Certificates, Packages Speaking Engagements 13 Years Experience Mother’s Day ~ Father’s Day Certified through VA Board of Nursing Tom James Company Interviews? Internship? Special occasion? Let us help you look and feel your best! ! Custom and Ready Made Suits and Sports Coats Shirts, pants, shoes and all accessories Student Packages & Gift Certificates Available Fraternities -- Sororities Clubs -- Student Groups Earn $1,000—$2,000 this semester with a proven CampusFundraiser 3 hourfundraising event. Our free programs make fundraising easy with no risks. Fundraising dates are filling quickly, so get with the program! It works. Contact CampusFundraiser at (888) 923-3238, or visit Contact Adam Williams for an appointment or with questions 540-8154557 Adam.WilliaIns@ tomjamesretail.com