OCR::/Vol_107/WLURG39_RTP_20050328/WLURG39_RTP_20050328_001.2.txt -A-.~.-.\~.-. ..a-.u—.m. :. .1 »«r..,-»- - :22“ v - - .. . -. ».v— ..- ~—.-. 1-. -.,... --_;, -- I .. », — . —- . »,-.. .- -» v , V —. 7'ra*."rA-re h . .;. e 373. 755 *‘R552 , ' WASHINGTON AND LEE UNIVERSITY THE RING=TUM PHI. BY TH_E STUDENTS AND FOR THE STUDENTS SINCE 1897 47 26 - MONDAY, MARCH 28,2005 voLuMEgaII,NuMBEn2€ _ HOT TICKET Acting out Opening night has come and gone and the One Acts have proved to be a raving success. But you haven’t missed your chance to catch a show in the Johnson theater! Come Monday and Wednesday, March 28 and 29. at 8:00 p.m. and see “The Night No One Died,” “The Bone Violin,” and “Porcelain and Pink.” Or show for an outrageous night on Tuesday, March 29, at 9:00 p.m. and watch “Bunnies,” “American Tropical,” and “Intervention.” Focking hilarious Ready for a laugh? “Meet the Fockers” will run in the Commons theater at 7 p.m. on Mon. March 28, and at 9:30 p.m. on Tues. March 29 and Thurs. March 31. WHAT’S INSIDE P Phi Phizzles Notice some sarcasm and lies in this week’s news? lt’s that time of year where we include a special feature section devoted to April Fool’s Day. We took our name this year from a 1923 Calyx reference to the Phi, calling us The Ring—Tum Phizzle. Just remember, it’s all in good fun! President Burish. Dean Watkins, Burr Datz, and all of our hundreds of lovely vice presidents, please don't sue for libel! See page 3-4. SIMPLE LIFE Don ’t let exam week sneak up on you! Follow our simple tips so you can make arr easy getaway the minute your last exam is over Stock up on blue books if you’ll need them for exams. You’ll have unneeded stress ‘if you’re running like a maniac to the bookstore in the last three minutes before your politics exam. Do laundry. You don’t want to have to worry about making sure you have enough clean clothes in the middle of stressful finals. Refrigerator‘ getting low? Time to restock on good healthy brain foods before things get more hectic! If you’re hungry and running out the door, you can grab an energy bar and an orange juice, and you’ll be good to go. Pack light. Make your packing list way ahead of time if you’re heading out so you can just throw things in the suitcase and haul it when your last exam is over. And be sure to double-check the weather conditions where you’re going so some unexpected cold front doesn’t ruin your fun. Confirm your travel details. Check- with your ride to the airport, get online and make sure you have a flight reservation and seat assignment, call the hotel in Destin and make sure you do indeed have that room with a view of the beach under your name. Prep your room. Take out the trash, make babysitting arrangements for your goldfish, wash the dishes. Road trip! Gas up the car, get oil checked, and clean out the trunk because you’re about to attempt the impossible: packing your suitcase and those of your three best friends in that tiny little space. Stay healthy! Keep those pockets full of Halls Defense supplement drops with Vitamin C. The last thing you need is to be sick for exams. Softer lines in store for trident By Katherine Shell ASSIST ANT NEWS EDITOR January’s Strategic Planning report stated that one of the University’s goals would be to reevaluate the trident as a symbol and look into the possibility of altering the symbol to avoid misrepresenting what the trident stands for. Tim Kolly, Vice President of Public Affairs and Communication, said that this is a response to numerous people feeling that the trident “looked harsh, looked ominous, or reminded them of the swastika.” The trident was created in the early 1900s by a student, and later adopted by the University as a symbol. Today, the trident remains recognizable as a symbol of the W&L community, a symbol not changed for over seventy—five years. However, Kolly said that he felt the symbol would have originally been created differently had the 1930s been a question. “People have commented on it for as least “We create traditions all the time. ” —- TIM KOLLY, VICE PRESIDENT FOR PUBLIC AFFAIRS as long as I have been here,” said Kolly, who has been part of the W&L Communications department for eight months. Though the controversy surrounding the trident is usually limited to people who do not know the history of the symbol or W&L, it is clear that the University is concerned about outsider perceptions of W&L’s symbols. “If we’re getting substantial feedback,” said Kolly,.the University should look into what the trident represents to the public. However. though looking into changing the trident is a possibility in the near future, the time-honored symbol will remain part of the school. “Nobody is suggesting that we replace it. People like the trident as a symbol. Suggestions have been to soften the lines of it,” said Kolly. Changes could possibly include straightening the lines of the prongs to separate from the Nazi swastika. The trident will remain no matter the outcome of the task force’s reports, but may no longer be recognizable as the past trident. Should W&L students be concerned that one of W&L’s favored traditions may be sinking into the past? No, said Kolly, “we create traditions all the time.” Students can look forward to a modernized trident to replace the one that has been used since the early twentieth century. However, Kolly also added that “nothing has been decided.” Students and the W&L community are invited to share their opinions about the trident and the . ' L other issues up for discussing in the Strategic Planning sessions continuing through the summer. There is an online drop—box that provides questions with answer space. It does not, however, leave room for specific ideas that the contributor feels needs to be focused on. If a student or faculty member has opinions that do not fit into the space available online, please contact members of the individual task forces. Kolly stated that it is “important for students to weigh in and give our opinions,” and students should share those with the task forces during the current comment period, which will last until summer. For more information, students and faculty should feel free to email Provost ‘Williams at williamsh@wlu.edu or Tim Kolly at kollyt@wlu.edu. W&L im By Chris Laudemman EDITOR-|N—CHIEF The search for the new Dean of the College is complete and the new dean, believing the university is in “very good shape”-, does not feel the need to “shake things up.” Washington and Lee hired Hank Dobin, Associate Dean of the College at Princeton, to fill the post currently held by Interim Dean Jeanine Stewart last week. Dobin said the biggest challenge to coming to a new institution is understanding the culture. “You really have to go in with the expectation you have a lot to learn; that’s the key challenge,” Dobin said. Provost Thomas Williams said that the applicant pool was very strong and the search committee was “comparing strengths to strengths.” Dobin began his teaching career at University of Maryland—College Park after graduating from Stanford. He taught for 13 years and was Associate I Chairman of the English Department, which had 70 members. He was elected chair of the College Park Senate and two years later he became the Associate Dean of the College at Princeton. He has served in that capacity for the last nine years. Williams, who had the final call in who was hired, said that Dobin brought significant administrative skills with an undergraduate emphasis to the table. While at Princeton, he structured General Education requirements, ran the undergraduate writing program and freshman seminar program, guided Princeton through its reaccredidation process, and was an award winning teacher. Dobin said he ended up at Princeton because of the attention they show undergraduates combined with the strengths of large research university. “I wanted to be at a school where everyone agreed undergraduate education is the top priority,” said Dobin. “W&L is among the best and I immediately jumped.” Dobin acknowledged that there is much planning occurring on campus. He said that he needs to find his place, but to do that he needs to sit back, listen, and learn much in the beginning. “[Dobin] is wise enough to know that W&L is different from Princeton,” Williams said. His ideas, “in very broad terms,” include working closely with college faculty to strengthen the breadth and depth of the curriculum, developing new areas and strengthening current departments, and creating new programs for the freshman year and new interdisciplinary ports longtime Ivy Dean programs. “It would be foolish to be specific at this point,” Dobin said. “I won’t be shy once I get to campus and realize how things are going.” . While visiting W&L, he did not see anything that he believed required immediate change. That sentiment includes the current Associate Deans. He said that he liked them both very much and that if they wanted to stay, they would be on his staff. Provost Williams said that both Associate Deans, Dean Bent and Dean Mayock, are completing their appointments. Interim Dean Stewart is a tenured member of the faculty and can return to her post in the Psychology Department. Dobin said that he would like to teach as early as his second year in the English Department. His specialty is Shakespeare. Settle wins major award By Katherine Shell ASSIST ANT NEWS EDITOR On March 17, 2005, Professor Frank Settle was awarded the Calvin Giddings Award for Excellence in Education. Settle will be given the award at the national meeting of the American Chemical Society next fall in D.C. Out of the fifty to sixty thousand chemists in America, Settle was chosen for this award based on his continuing contributions to chemistry in the classroom and research as a whole. According to the W&L Press Release, “With over forty publications to his name, including the best-selling textbook “Instrumental Methods of Analysis (6th edition), numerous awards for both teaching and research, a record of classroom innovation and an impressive roster of former students who are now respected chemists, Settle exemplifies the qualities looked for in recipients of the 1. Calvin Giddins Award.” Settle has been a professor at W&L since 1998, and worked at VMI for twenty—eight years before that. The J. Calvin Giddins Award is given to the person best exemplifying various qualities, including “authorship of influential books or courses; creation and use of innovative techniques in teaching analytical chemistry; encouraging student’s pursuits of professional careers in chemistry through research, mentorship or teaching and designing improved lab equipment,” stated the March 23 Press Release. At VMI, Settle received three faculty awards and was selected as an outstanding faculty by the Virginia Council of Higher Education. I According to the Press Release, Settle’s response to the award was to say that “one of the most gratifying aspects of my career has been the opportunity to work with bright, interested students for 28 years at VMI and most recently, six years at W&L. It has been rewarding to follow their careers in industry, business and academics.” ASOULFUL VOICE . KELLV BOSS / STAFF PHOTOGRAPHER Soulful Sounds heard Tuesday nigncgnefrom Evans Hall where the Harlem Gospel Choir performed. . Law students win mediation competition Press Release WASHINGTON 8. LEE Tim McKeen and Chris Bullard, both second~year students at Washington and Lee University’s School of Law, have ' won first place in the 2005 American Bar Association (ABA) Regional Mediation Competition held at Regent University School of Law in Virginia Beach, Va., on Feb. 26-27. As regional champions, McKeen and Bullard will go on to represent Washington and Lee at the ABA National Mediation Competition on April 13-14 in Los Angeles. The competition will be held in conjunction with the armual meeting of the association’s Section of Dispute Resolution. Their win also gives W&L" the opportunity to host the 2006 regional competition. Also representing Washington and Lee at the regional competition were Brian Wilberg and Kelly Behre, both third-year . law students. The Washington and Lee Mediation Competition is an ABA Section of Dispute Resolution-sponsored forum offered to help develop practical legal skills. The f competition, in which law students act as advocates and clients in a mediation setting, measures how well students model appropriate preparation for and representation of a client in mediation, and ._ . provides students valuable experience in the mediation process. OCR::/Vol_107/WLURG39_RTP_20050328/WLURG39_RTP_20050328_002.2.txt s. l.§é:7‘¢‘&%§.}f—l;N Llttrms *vAsH!Nmr;:N a LE.-‘E !Jl'\l»’V'E"c-».StT\ Lt“? 3*" 2 . . as THE RING-TUM PHI 0 2 V 2 '1'-S0 MG\lDAY,MARCl-|28,& THIS WEEK TLESDAY, MARC!-I29 lMen’s Tennis at Roanoke 3:00 Y, MARC!-IN . -Baseball vs. Bridgewater 3:00 'Men’s LAX vs. RMC 3:30 -Women’s LAX vs. Hollins 4:30 FiAY,APHL8 'Track at Duke TBA -Riding at Zones TBA SATURDAY, APRI.9 -Base vs. Lynchburg; 12:00 -Men’s Lax at Roanoke; 1:00 -Women’s Lax at Sweet Briar; 2:00 'Track at Duke; TBA SPORTS BRIEFS W&LWomen’sTennisDeteals Trinity (Texas), 7-2 (325) The third-ranked Washington and Lee women’s tennis team improved to a perfect 14-0 with a 7-2 victory over fifth-ranked Trinity (Texas) at the Fab Five Tournament on Friday afternoon in Pomona, Calif. W&L Men’s Tennis Defeats Mary Washington, 5-2(3/24) The 10th-ranked Washington and Lee men’s tennis team improved to 11-4 on the season with a 5-2 victory over eighth-ranked Mary Washington on Thursday afternoon in Fredericksburg, Va. W&LBaseballDefeats Bridgewaler,11-8(3/24) Junior first baseman Taylor McConnell (Vestal, N.Y./Vestal) smacked a three-run double in the fifth inning to give Washington and Lee ‘a 7-6 lead en foiite to an"11-8 victory over Bridgewater ODAC baseball action on Thursday afternoon in Bridgewater, Va. W&L GolfTIes for Fflh at Golden |slehvitational(3l20) The Washington and Lee golf team tied for fifth out of 24 teams at the Golden Isle Invitational in Jekyll Island, Ga. The Generals fired a 302- 294-303—899 overall and were led by freshman Steven Spivey (Martinsville, Va./Martinsville), who placed third overall with a 69-72-75- 216. Third Annual University ‘George Rayfsquashballtoumament ' Roderick Dowling took home men’s champion by defeating Mike Fisher, while Rachel Chisolm was able to defeat Nike Tsiknakis for the women’s championship. Orchardside Yarn Shop Knitting Specialty Shop 273 Raphine Road Raphlne, VA 24472 sm4s522o - 1-877-NIT-YARN Knitting cottage‘ nestled along the creek which carries a fabulous selection of basic . and novelty yams, kits. needles and accessories. Customer service from start to finish with your projects. Mail order and Intemet accessibility made 633!- Callforworkshowzdassinformation. Halfway between Lexington and Stauntan On [-81 / I-64 at exit 205, Rankine 4miles west on Rome Road. Located (ma Working fann that ofers "U-PICA " opp0rIUnlFl€5f0’ fmh . fruit when in season. 'lhes - Sat 10:00 - 5:00, Wed until 8:00 : Women’s ax has good week of p a BySa'd1Bloom $\K]7i STAFFWRITER Three games in one week didn’t faze the Women’s Lacrosse team. Currently undefeated in the ODAC conference, the team has charged the field with an obvious passion for the game and for victory. The Generals played a perfect game Tuesday against Bridgewater, defeating the ODAC team 18-0, but suffered a heartbreaking loss to Williams Wednesday (5-7), Twelve Generals scored in the game including Kelly Evans who led the team with three goals. Mallory Lobisser, Louisa Feve, and Megan Slosson each also added two goals. Amanda Strickler also added three assists in the game. Six other Generals’ players also tallied an assist. Junior Kate Lester pulled the Generals out of a slump to a tied game shortly before half-time, but Williams scored with only a little over a minute left in the half to give Williams a 4-3 lead. In the second half, Williams pulled intothe lead, but Lester again narrowed the gap and put the Generals back in the game. Unfortunately scores by freshman Sarah Adkins and senior Natalya Hoobchaak were not enough in the end to put the Generals back in the lead. Freshman Sarah Tilbor manned the goal for the Generals, making six saves. Freshmen additions Tilbor and Christine Bender have been essential elements to the Women’s lacrosse force. Named rookie and scholar of the week by womenslacrosse.com,. Tilbor has started as goalie for the Generals and claimed the best save record in the ODAC. Bender was named rookie of the week, having scored three crucial goals to help defeat rival Franklin and Marshall last Saturday. Bender is also and is currently ranked second on the team. The Generals continue their season next Wednesday when they take Hollins on at home. TAKE ME OUTTO THE BALL GAME CORBIN BLACKFORD / PHOTO EDITOR 111eGer|eralsbaseballtearnextendeditsreoordto214atta'defeafing Bridgewaler11-8Thursdayaltemoon. Adam Bullockgotthingsstartedoffwith A athree-run homerun intheseoond inningtotakethe lead 3-0. Afterlosingthe early lead Taylor McConne|l’s three-run double regained it in thefiflh inning. Dave Millerand Soottciosselinkeaohadded RBI singles. Mil|erwent3-5 inthe batters box,asdidteammateJordanWesley. Freshman leflydohn Parker allowedfiveearned runsoff10hils insixinnings. Thewin against Bridgewater oomesalteran extra-inningvictoryoverShenandod1onTueeday. Gosselink hitagarnevvinning RBI single inthe bottomofthethirteenlh inningtogetthe win. Gosselinkhit4-6 inthegame,and Mcconnelltalliedthreehitsoffofsixat bats. Arematohwilh Bridgewaterissetforwednosday, Marchy30athome. A $450 Group Fundraiser Scheduling Bonus 4 hours of your group's time PLUS our free (yes, free) fundraising solutions EQUALS $1, 0OO—$2, 000 in earnings for your group. Call 'I'C)DAY for a $450 bonus when you schedule your non—sales fundraiser with CarnpusFundraiser. Contact Can*pusFundraiser, (888) JON ROGERS I STAFF PHOTOGR ' ER TheWoma1’slaxtearnhopestokeepfl'eMnninggdngmmeer1doffl1eseasorI Tennis teams still rolling Bymashunue . ll/lANM§\G$lU"l 1. Lindsay Hagerman (W&L) def. Jackie Mendillo (TU) 6-2, 6-0 2. Emily Applegate (W&L) def. . Alicia Hunt (TU) 6-2, 4-6, 6-3 3. Ginny Wortham (W&L) def. Laura Steinmetz (TU) 3-6, 7-5, 6-4 4. Kristen McClung (W&L) def. Megan Suarez (TU) 6-1, 6-0 5. Leah Weston (W &L) def. Christy Austin (TU) 4-6, 6-0, 7-5 6. Katie Kingsbury (W&L) def. Leigh Pankonien (TU) 6-1, 6-1 The Men’s and Women’s tennis teams continued to roll last week with two wins. The tenth ranked Men’s team defeated eighth ranked Mary Washington 5-2 last Thursday, losing only one singles match. 1. Paul McClure (W&L) def. Paul Bristow (UMW) 6-1, 6-2 2. Jon Clair (UMW) def. David Shay (W&L) 2-6, 6-1, 7-5 . 3. Jon Malooly (W&L) def. Matt Rogers (UMW) 6-3, 7-6 In doubles competition Trinity was able to win two of the three matches. 1. Christy Austin/Laura Steinmetz 4. Jeff Lusk (W&L) def. Nate (TU) def. Lindsay Hagerman/Ginny Hathaway (UMW) 6-2, 6-2 Wortham (W &L) 9-8 (7-4) 5. Jordan Eichenberger (W &L) def. 2. Emily Apple gate/Kristen Jon Pollak (UMW) 6-2, 6-4 McClung (W&L) def. Jackie Mendillol 6. Charles Anderson (W&L) def. Megan Suarez (TU) 8-1 Erik Thorell (UMW) 6-3, 6-1 3. Leigh Pankonien/Alicia Hunt (TU) def. Lora Farris/Leah Weston (W &L) Meanwhile, the Women’s team (#3) 8-5 defeated Trinity (Texas, #5) 7-2 winning all of its singles competitions on Friday afternoon. remain undefeated at 14-0. Position Announcement: Possible Opening for an Undergraduate Admissions Counselor The Washingtonand Lee Undergraduate Office of Admissions Wishes to announce a possible opening for an Admissions Counselor. Responsibilities include extensive recruitment travel, conducting student interviews and group information sessions, and evaluating applications. Strong communication skills and demonstrated organizational abilities are expected. The successful candidate will be willing and able to work as part of a highly successful admissions team, yet will be capable of creative self-direction. Some evening and weekend work is necessary. Candidates should be willing to commit to two years in the position. Bachelor’s degree is required, as is a ‘valid driver’s license. All interested candidates should submit a cover letter and resume, including two references, no later than Friday, April 1st. All materials should be sent to: Jonathan Webster Associate Dean of Admissions Office of Admissions Lexington, VA 24450 92-3-3238 . 1999 Audi A4 lluattro xu radio. 12 on oliantler. uoodicontlition. $11,500. 9alI261-5598. LIFEGUARDS/POOL MANAGERS Now hiring for summer 2005 NoVa areas! Competitive Pay! Call now or visit website! www.premier41 1 .com 1 877 SEE POOL With the win, the Generals women I OCR::/Vol_107/WLURG39_RTP_20050328/WLURG39_RTP_20050328_003.2.txt WASHINGTON AND LEE UNIVERSITY No -IIUM PHIZZLE. BY THE Afli5Ei*€lSl"RA"l'lON ANDHFOR THE STUDENTS SINCE 2002 I School Ends Its Co- ‘1 Educational Years, feminazis take over The “Good Ole Boy Network” is in jeopardy. What would Bobby Lee say aboutan all—female campus? ByKhssyKomeria1 bestlitllelmteeverm For the last twenty years, Washington and Lee University has admitted both male and female students to its undergraduate liberal arts college. However, the school was entirely male during the years prior, from 1749 to 1985. Since becoming co-ed, the male to female ratio has finally reached a near-perfect balance. Recent statistics on the incoming class of 2009 confirm this ratio. While some may think equality between male and female students has been achieved, administrators and the board of trustees realize the women are at a 236-year disadvantage. To recompense, they have decided to stop admitting male students, beginning with the class of 2010, and allow the school to convert to an all-female school through the year 2246. “We owe this to an entire gender,” said Philip Norwood, Rector of the Board of Trustees. “Washington and Lee defines itself with honor and integrity. It is impossible to continue to uphold those things while ignoring this massive injustice to the female population.” The Board has set out several goals for its women-only period. These include: taking hundreds of black and white photos of smiling female students to hang in buildings on campus, establishing exclusive, feminine traditions, and perhaps finding a matriarch to work integrally with the school, so that her name be added to the official name (which was changed often in the its early years, but has remained Washington and Lee since 1871). The “de—coeducationization” of the University is not anticipated to effect the quality of education at W & L, although the effects on campus social life are inevitable. ' With an al1—female student body, the school will be able to refurbish all men’s fraternity houses into sorority houses, expanding Greek opportunities for new generations of Generals. “I’d say it’s a good thing,” said Kristin Powell, adviser of Panhellenic. “Ideally, over the next 200-years, W & L should be able to obtain chapters of each of the 26 national sororities.” Current female students also support the idea. “V1rginia’s got a bunch of liberal arts colleges for women. We’ll just be another one of them, the best of them,” said freshman Amy Roberson. “I -guess it will disappoint boys who consider Washington and Lee in the future, but not too much. They can always revel in the all- male history of the school and nearly every other school in the country.” During the time when the school admits only women, it will still accept, and expect, donations from all alumni, male I and female. A committee has been formed to strategically plan changes in campus buildings and programs to better suit the new, solely female generation, and they require funding. , For more information about the University’s plans or to make a contribution, please contact Dean Dawn Watkins. Greek Bust ClaiI Ins another Victim In its quest to‘ rise in the rankings, has the school gone too far? ByZORBA neverbeenlrmrrizsd The university administration took another giant step towards erasing any doubt that their ultimate goal is to destroy the Greek System on the W&L campus. Despite repeated claims that “we want to make the system strong” and “we have no intention in erasing the Greek culture,” the latest move by those in the rarified air (apparently all-too—rarified) of Washington Hall second floor seems a direct indication of their true motive. Gamma of Virginia chapter of Phi Beta Kappa has been put on the severest form of social probation: after their tear- night celebration of two weeks ago, the chapter will not be allowed to sponsor any functions, social or otherwise, for the next twelve months. “This came out of nowhere,” said chapter president Brian Richardson. “We had made our plans for the initiation evening, then University Catering stepped in and the next thing I know the only options for the evening were regular or de-caf.” “I pressed for reasons,” indicated Richardson, “and the only reply I got was something about debauchery at a similar event at the College of William and Mary in 1776.” “It is well known that W&L Phi Beta Kappas can hold their booze far better than their colleagues to the east,” lamented Richardson, “so it is beyond me ByBIeeN|uray laaeperessdtrnegunhom In a not-unforeseen move, the science—oriented academic departments seceded from Washington and Lee University Saturday, declaring themselves to constitute a separate and independent university. The departments involved- Physics, Biology, Psychology, Computer Science, Chemistry, Geology and Neuroscience—will remain in the Science Center. For these departments, the secession is seen as an escape from the overbearing presence of Washington Hall. Science professors have long condemned irksome University regulations of semester credit maximums, hiring autonomy, and corporal punishment. President Thomas G. Burish issued a passionate statement from Lee House Sunday afternoon, warning that “a university divided cannot hope to increase its endowment.” He went on to say that he sincerely hoped that the science center would fully cooperate with the university’s attempts to make amends. Some read the statement as an honest effort for conciliation from an administration; others saw it as a clear threat and a sign of impending conflict. “I don’t know how they think they’re going to survive,” said affable, caring member of the . how they can clamp down on us for behavior over which we had no control.” Other sources, who prefer to remain anonymous, point to a series of celebrations far into the night after the end of the formal ceremonies held Thursday evening, March 3, involving numerous new initiates. These events were reported to have taken place in a student lounge in the Chemistry Department, in the reference room in Leybum Library, and at the Liberty Hall Ruins. This latter event involved a variety of small implements — trowels and paintbrushes, for example — used for purposes about which it would be unwise to speculate. A As a result of each of these gatherings, several students were taken to student health by security. Due to the “safe haven” policy, it was not possible to learn from officials the nature of the injuries treated, but a source in a position to know said that there were a series of dislocated fingers treated that evening. “Something about a secret handshake” said the source. “This is not good news for Greek organizations on campus,” said chapter secretary—treasurer Marcia France. “In my opinion, we have always behaved in an exemplary fashion, and this kind of interference in the privilege of young adults to create their own social life suggests a dark side to the current university trajectory.” “I should have known something was afoot when we had to go so long_ without a chapter house.” Classics department head and Professor of Greek Kevin Crotty indicated “we are keeping a close eye on this development.” “Should the severe pressure on Greek organizations on campus continue, we will be forced to take drastic action.” Teaching Greek in translation, or substituting Aramaic in place of Greek in the curriculum are among the possibilities under discussion, indicated Crotty “It is well known that W&L Phi Beta Kappas can hold their booze far better than their col- leagues to the east,so it is beyond me how they can clamp down on us for behavior over which we had no control.” BhIMiu&I'I,PflB&KqpaH£hi Richard Worthington ’07, an Economics and Management double major. “I mean, they don’t have a bookstore or a dining hall or anything. “On the other hand,” Worthington mused, “now that the rest of the school is all-women, they might have an advantage. I wish someone had sent out a Campus Notice about that. I mean, do I have to go to class today?” All communication is to be cut off between the science center and the university. The science departments will cease using all facilities outside the science center, and there will be no correspondence between members of either group. The only exception will be LIFE head Jan Kaufman, who has announced that she will continue her missionary work of distributing vats of condoms to students in need everywhere. ' Estrangement between the science departments and the liberal arts departments is nothing new. Science students have always been somewhat isolated from the rest of the university, due to excessive hours spent in the science library. Many students from other departments do not quite understand what goes on there, since the science students never actually interact with other parts of the campus. Misunderstandings often result. “My roommate was pre—med freshman year,” said Donna Michaelson ’08, who is thinking of pursuing a degree in broadcast journalism. “She was really weird. She would disappear for like five hours at a time and be like, ‘I was at class.’ I was like, yeah, right. Nobody’s in class for that long. She the science library. Estrangement between the science depart- ments and the liberal arts departments is nothing new. Science students have always been somewhat isolated from the rest of the university, due to excessive hours spent in . 4- _-;__‘_*w .- 7.. “A .; _: _.__;‘._...'_' ._.,n. -.:.e..-..__. 2. 422-,“ .~...*_.-~-45::-*.-_«-..~:._n.l;-_._-"-- ;:.‘.-.~_.-__ .*;....._- ._.;.. 9—.‘.lfilA£:)I(4>.£-u— .;_-.m...._.._ Science Center departments to secede from ’l‘he,Col1ege After a breakdown in negotiations, Burish worries for admissions numbers. must have been doing drugs or something.” But here and there, you see former science students walking around in Newcomb, Tucker, or Huntley Hall. Their numbers are small; their escapes were difficult. These rare few tell ghastly tales of oppression, pain, and privation. Twenty-hour days of studying are commonplace. Professors have free rein to make unreasonable demands and give harsh punishments for mistakes on tests and quizzes, with no recourse to advisers, administrators, or caring parents. Students are often separated for long periods of time from family and, friends. Sara Duckworth ’06 is no exception. Raised in a family of doctors, Duckworth came toe Washington and Lee with the intention of preparing for medical school. But after two years of hard labor in the stacks of the science library, she made a break for freedom. “I never thought I was going to get out, she confessed. “When I first stepped into DuPont Hall, I had tears in my eyes. It seemed too good to be true.” “I’m just lucky that I’m not one of the poor kids left behind,” Duckworth said. Another reason for the rift may be the science students’ strange attachment to their advisers and professors. With some difficulty, this reporter tracked n down one of the elusive bunch to ‘ comment on the science lifestyle. “We’re all doing fine,” she said, despite her haggard appearance. “Professor France loves us. That’s why she makes us work so hard. It’s for our own good. Sorry, what? My name? I don’t remember.” Meanwhile, tensions build as students and faculty alike await the clash of the two colleges. “Let Burish \ threaten all he wants,” Dr. Larry Hurd, ‘head of the Biology Department, said at a Parmly Hall rally earlier today. “We are committed to our scientific heritage and we will not back down! We’re going to the Williams School and DuPont and Robinson and then we're going to Washington Hall to take back the school! Yiiiiiaaaaarrrrgh!” - .4. _;.4.;s-‘..«.'a_.;..,....:_‘_.~... OCR::/Vol_107/WLURG39_RTP_20050328/WLURG39_RTP_20050328_004.2.txt Wewannabean Ivy VICE Pf€Sl to-student ratio now 1:1 Bycbtheunm I-Et‘El3T‘OFI\Dt-ISONNBE3 Vice Presidents #1760 and #1761 were hired earlier this week allowing Washington and Lee to finally achieve its one to one vice president to student ratio. But the big surprise of the day was the fight over the Beta and SPE houses. Provost Thomas Williams armounced that Peter Prodigy, Vice President for Early North Dakotan Recruitment, will be living A in the SPE house while Sam Silla, Vice President for Fraternity Dining Room Chair Violations, will be moving into Beta. “We are very excited and pleased with our two newest employees,” said Williams. Peter Prodigy, age 8, comes to Washington and Lee from a remote elementary school in North Dakota. Peter was hired to figure out how to recruit students from the only state not represented at W&L. “Peter will bring much to the table,” William Hartog, Dean of Admissions and Financial Aid, said. “We have been trying to crack into North Dakota for years.” But Peter acknowledges that W&L is going to have a hard time recruiting in North Dakota. “It’s going to be a huge challenge,” Peter said. “We plan on using all kinds of cool strategies to bring lots of geographic diversity to the school like pizza parties for the gifted classes and free trident belts to students across the state.” Silla was previously employed by the Lexington police department where he wrote parking tickets for a living. “There are so many ways to get a violation,” Silla said. “I can’t wait to start writing up fines.” Fraternities who move a chair onto their porch, into another room, or more than a foot from where it is supposed to be will be fined. “This is an outrage!” Fratty McFratterson, President of Kappa Epsilon Gamma said. “How are we supposed to sit around as a brotherhood and talk? Is the school going to buy us more chairs for our porch?” The school said it cannot afford to buy more chairs as a result of hiring the last two Vice Presidents. “We have drained the most recent capital campaign and tuition, room, and board will all be increasing by at least 40 percent per year,” Steve McAllister, Vice President for Finance, said. “Of course, these tuition raises are only to keep up with our peer institutions.” “Dean Watkins gets Stonewall Jackson’s house, even the Dean of Freshman gets a house,” Joe Grasso, Vice President for Administration said. “Why can’t Ihave a house?” Tim Kolly, Vice President of Public Affairs, echoed Grasso’s comment. “I have spent months spinning the Greek news to the alums so that Beta could not have the support to return to campus,” Kolly said. “I think I deserve that house more than anyone.” The Vice President for University Advancement Dennis Cross and Associate Provost George Carras are expected to duel over who will residence in the Morris House next week. Admission is free with student ID. , ' “I have spent months spinning the Greek news to the alums so that Beta could not have the support to return to campus. 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