OCR::/Vol_108/WLURG39_RTP_20050516/WLURG39_RTP_20050516_001.2.txt 7.. THE RING=’I‘UM I WASHINGTON AND UNIVERSITY PHI. 1/,’ I MONDAY, MAY 16, 2005 BY THE STUDENTS AND FOR THE STUDENTS SINCE 1897 /all VOLUME CIX, NUMBER 1 WHAT’S INSIDE I Women’s tennis heads to nationals! See “Tennis” on page 2 for more details. HOT TICKET Shaking up Shakespeare The W&L stage gives a salute to the days of “The Taming of the Shrew” by performing its hilarious sequel, “The Tamer Tamed” at 8:00 p.m. on Fri. May 20 and Sat. May 21 and at 2:00 p.m. on Sun. May 22. For more details, see page 4 of our Arts&Life section. Boatload of laughs ‘Bill Murray, Owen Wilson, and a full ensemble cast guarantee laughs in the quirky comedy “The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou” which will run in the Commons theater on Fri. May 20 and Sat. May 21 at_7:3O p.m. SAVE THE DATE V The advanced class French 342 — “Surrealism and the Avant—garde” will present a delightful and suprising arrangement of surrealist and absurdist plays by Fernando Arrabal and Eugene Ionesco, under the direction of Domnica Radulescu, Professor of Romance Languages. The show, titled “Le J ardin de delices” (The Garden of Delights) will transport you in a world of fantasies, dreams, unusual metamorphoses and hilarious events, illustrating theatrically, the aesthetics of surrealism. Although performed in the original French, the show is riveting with stage action, music, dance, and stage imagery and will delight any audiences, irrespective of their knowledge of the language. Just walk into The Garden of Delights and you won’t regret it, ' SIMPLE LIFE Summer and graduation are only 2 weeks away. Don ’t forget to take care of these last minute details before you head out of town. I Take your favorite senior out to dinner. In just 2 more weeks, you may not see them again! And don’t forget a graduation present. I Take advantage of Lexington while you still can. Do what you love doing and can’t do anywhere else. I Go ahead and make a trip to the storage unit to get the things you don’t need every day out of your way. I Start culling out everything you want to throw or give away and make that trip to Goodwill. I ' If you’re going into a storage unit with a group of people, buy different _colored Sharpies, labels, or bins, so come fall, when you have to sort out what belongs to whom, everyone’s things are color-coded and easy to distribute. I Buy boxes now! Lowe’s runs out quickly. I Get white toothpaste so you can start filling up nail holes in your walls. But we wouldn’t recommend taking all your pictures and posters down quite yet - empty walls are so depressing. I Living with new roommates or suitemates next year? Iron out as many arrangements as you can while you still have them here in person. Color—schemes and such are far too difficult to negociate long—distance. IFC, Panhel make progress Board impressed with headway that students have made in the alcohol policy By Katherine Shell ASSISTANT NEWS EDITOR On May 6, Vishal Sapra ’06 and Karlyn Gold ’06, heads of IFC and Panhel, respectively, met with the Board of Trustees. “The primary focus was to update the Campus Life Committee on the Gap Analysis,” says Gold. The Gap Analysis resulted after a charge from the Board to “find the ‘gaps’ between risk management policy and actual practice on this campus.” Both Sapra and Gold presented PowerPoints related to the current progress made towards actualization of Greek national policies. Gold concluded her presentation with a “Vision for the Future” slide that promoted a Stronger Panhellenic Spirit, Extension, Reviewing of Risk Management Policies, Cooperation with IFC, and Greek Summit and Leadership Retreat in early Fall. Several of these are currently in place, with the process of Extension beginning next week. Alumni return for I‘Cl1I110l1S By Shelley Orman STAFF WRITER "" " Washington and Lee’s alumni will assemble back at school this Thursday through Saturday for the school’s annual Reunion ,Weekend. The reunion will commence Thursday evening with an assembly in Lee Chapel, where President Burish will deliver the keynote address. The ODK Spring Initiation will also take place at this assembly. Classes in attendance will be those who graduated in years ending in zero and five, starting with the class of 1955 and ending with the class of 2000. Every year the Alumni Office chooses two classes to honor. This year the school will honor the 25“‘ reunion of the class of 1980 and the 50”‘ reunion of the class of 1955. While the weekend’s events are focused on this year’s specific reunion classes, all alumni are invited to attend. The Alumni House is expecting over 1500 alumni to attend this weekend, according to Jill Straub the office’s administrative assistant. “We’ve been booked for over a month,” she said. The Alumni House takes care of all the weekend’s details by arranging meals, lodging, and transportation to and from all of the events. They have reserved rooms with all of the surrounding hotels and _ encourage alurrmi to stay with their fellow classmates by designating specific hotels for each class. The Alumni Office and several departments and organizations have scheduled a variety of activities for alumni. “We’ve arranged a combination of fun things to do here in Lexington,” Straub said. Among the many activities that alumni will have the opportunity to participate in are taking a campus tour, going on a hike, listening to presentations given by current students, faculty and alumni, and attending department’s open houses and receptions. Alumni are also encouraged to participate in the current Strategic Planning process. They are invited to attend two sessions, one law and one undergraduate, where they can discuss their opinions and offer ideas for the process. The weekend’s events will culminate Saturday night with the Alumni Celebration on the front lawn. Alumni will enjoy dinner and music from several bands, including W & L- music groups Southern Comfort, Jubilee and General Admission. The current senior class is invited to attend the celebration. “Students started to realize that if we didn’t take charge, the decisions would be made for us.” —V|SHAL SAPRA, HEAD OF THE INTERFRATERNITY COUNCIL Similarly to the Panhel Presentation, Sapra’s PowerPoint detailed the changes made this year in enforcement and the current environment on campus. Sapra stated that he was “happy with the way the Board responded,” and that he thought they were supportive of the current steps being taken. Both presentations were forwarded to every Board of Trustees member to ensure that all of the Board understands what has gone on and what is being done. The presentation was made to the Campus Life Committee of the Board, which is the direct line between student leaders and the Board. ‘ The presentation from the IFC went on to suggest future plans which will be By Katherine Shell ASSISTANT NEWS EDITOR This past weekend, members of the W&L community gathered at Zollman’s Pavilion for Buffalo Creek Music Festival. Despite questions of changes due to financial needs, ‘‘I think that it was successful, and Saturday afternoon was a lot of fun,” says Ashley Cassels 07, who attended Buffalo Creek approved by every fraternity before they go into action. Sapra stated that the IFC “needed to do something,” but that a major problem was the fact that they were “dealing with an environment that is resistant to change.” The current enforcement of the alcohol policy was a result of the IFC being charged with fixing the problem last fall. Sapra stated that “chapter officers were askedwhat they would be willing to do,” and that they were “honest about the gaps to the Boar .” The Board intentionally left the alcohol portion of the recommendation vague so as to allow for student involvement in every part of the process. “Students started to realize that if we Students enjoy the music and the atmosphere despite the rain at Zollman’s Pavilion. Buffalo Creek does well despite concerns last year. Security was available at the gate for anyone who had problems, and despite concerns of alcohol crackdowns, everyone was able to have fun. Bands included Jacob’s Ladder, Jason White w/ Jack Silverman, The Breakfast, Jackass Flats, Wrinkle Neck Mules, DJ Williams Projekt, and Tea Leaf Green. Bands played Friday night, Saturday afternoon, and Saturday night, didn’t take charge, the decisions would be made for us,” said Sapra. The wristbands used sine Parents’ Weekend last fall are a solution the IFC used to attempt to keep more with national policies and liability issues. The Board was encouraged the weekend of May 6 to get out and see how the new enforcement actually worked, and more than one Board member was seen at fraternity parties that weekend. The Board was very pleased with Sapra’s presentation, saying that it was “the first progress they have seen in eighteen months.” ' In response to questions as to whether the enforcement had actually changed things on campus or made situations worse, Sapra stated that “we are not close to where we need to be on any of the three issues: alcohol, sexual assault, and hazing,” but that the issue is more about “balancing the level of enforcement with keeping things on campus.” He also said that students should not fear next Fall being different from this Winter. KELLY BOSS / STAFF PHOTOGRAPHER with a shuttle running from Zollman’s to the freshman quad until three. Cameron Wick 06, head of the Buffalo Creek Committee, stated that “the producers of the festival were all very happy with everyone having a safe time and enjoying the music and the scene. We hope that the changes made‘ this year improve Buffalo Creek and look forward to doing it again next as year. In the Monday, May 2 edition of The Ring-tum Phi ran a letter to the editor signed by 41 members of the faculty entitled “Profs point to glass ceiling in W&L Administration.” This letter expressed concern about the management of the University in regards to a glass ceiling existing in Washington and Lee’s Administration. Faculty who signed this letter also expressed frustration with a lack ‘of progress and said, ‘women’s contributions to Washington and Lee are undervalued.” The letter cited the rejection of Dean Jeanine Stewart’s candidacy for Dean of the College in favor of a male Dean from Princeton as evidence of the lack of progress. The letter also cited the fact that of the 33 Board members, only three are women and that only 22% of full professors at the Law School are women while only 15.8% of full professors in the Williams‘School and the College are women. Women hold only two of the 31 endowed chairs offered within the Williams School and College. No woman has ever held an endowed chair at the Law School, nor has a woman ever held the Directorship of the Frances Lewis Law Center. Tides turned somewhat on May 13, when following the May meeting of the Washington and Lee University Board of Trustees, Dean David Partlett announced a number of new Law School appointments. Dorothy Brown was chosen to succeed Blake Morant as the next Director of the Frances Lewis Law Faculty letter causes a stir on campus Faculty, students, and alums engage in discussion By Erin Julius EDITOR-IN-CHIEF Center in May 2006, which was cited as a “prestigious” position in the signed faculty letter. Subsequent campus discussion following the signed faculty ‘letter included letters from Allen Gillespie ’95 and Richard Hoover ’61 in the Trident, and an article by Kaylee Hartung in the May 4 edition of the Trident. ' “Rather than blindly seeking and celebrating diversity, as it appears the faculty and administration are pre- disposed to do, we should strive for unity, for it is the commonality of values, ideas, goals, and purpose that give rise to a community and a culture,” Gillespie said in his letter to the Trident. The Ring-tum Phi encourages debate and discussion of such issues so relevant to this campus; for more student input see Opinions page 4. OCR::/Vol_108/WLURG39_RTP_20050516/WLURG39_RTP_20050516_002.2.txt ; it 2 - THE RING-TUM PHI, SI10IlS MONDAY. MAY 16, 2005 THIS WEEK - W_EII‘IAY,MAY18 - -Women’s Tennis vs Dennison 9:30 THJ%DAY,MAY19 -Women’s Tennis at NCAA’s TBA FRlDAY,MAYZ) -Women’s Tennis at NCAA’s TBA SATlI:IDAY,MAY21 IWomen’s Tennis at NCAA’s TBA -Men’s Tennis at NCAA’s TBA SI.NDAY,MAY22 -Women’s Tennis at NCAA’s TBA -Men’s Tennis at NCAA’s TBA ‘ SPORTS BRIEFS W&LWomen’sLacrosseFa||sto Top-Ranked SaIisbury,15-4(5/15) Top-ranked Salisbury University raced out to a 5-0 lead and never looked back in defeating 13th-ranked »Washington and Lee, 15-4, in the NCAA Women’s Lacrosse W&LWomen’sTennistoPIay Denison in NCAA Quarterfinals (5710) The third-ranked Washington and Lee women’s tennis team will play eighth- ranked Denison in the quarterfinals of the NCAA Division III Tournament held on the campus of Kalamazoo College. The match will be played on Wed., May 18 at 9:30 am. TwoGeneralsSelectedtoNCAA Men’s Tennis Individual Field (5/10) Washington and Lee senior Paul McClure (Memphis, Tenn./Memphis University School) and junior David Shay (Martinez, Ga./Augusta Prep) have been selected to participate in the NCAA Division III Individual Championships held May 21-23 at the University of California Santa Cruz. W&L’s.lohnsonCompelnsat JamesMadisonLastChanoe |nvil:alional(5I8) Washington and Lee senior Nathan Johnson (Lexington, Va./Rockbridge County) competed in the James Madison Last Chance Invitational on Sunday afternoon. III]; lllig . I ll. _ I 954* Orchardside. Yarn Shop Knitting Specialty Shop 273 Raphine Road Raphine, VA 24472 540-348-5220 ' 1-877-NIT-YARN Knitting cottage nestled along the creek which carries a fabulous selection of basic and novelty yams, kits, needles and accessories. Customer service from start to finish with your projects. Mail order and lntemet accessibility made easy. Call for workshop & class information. Halfway between lexington and Slaunmn On [-81 / I-64 at exit 205. Raphine. 4mile: west on Route 606. Raphine Rm.’ /flrzl/*1/fir a working farm that offers "I/~PlCK" oppornmities for fresh ' fmit when in season. "lites - Sat 10:00 - 5:00, Wed until 8:00 www.(_)y§yarg§hon,§gm SPRING ERM SPORTS «'2 Mb Philippe Bartholin enjoys some time away from class by throwing the frisbee. Frisbee has always been a popular spring activity. Tennis at NCAA’s Women, select men prepare for NCAA ’s Sports Release SPORTS INFORMATION The third-ranked Washington and Lee women’s tennis team will play eighth- ranked Denison in the quarterfinals of the NCAA Division III Tournament held on the campus of Kalamazoo College. The match will be played on Wed., May 18 at 9:30 am. Additionally, senior Lindsay Hagerman (Wichita Falls, Texas/Highland Park) and sophomores’ Emily Applegate (Charleston, S.C./Porter—Gaud) and Kristin McClung (Charleston, W.Va./ Charleston Catholic) will participate in the NCAA Singles Championship. In the NCAA Doubles Championship, Hagerman will partner with sophomore Ginny Wortham (Richmond, Va./ Collegiate), while Applegate will pair with McClung. The Generals (20-0) advanced to play Denison (20-2) after defeating 25th- ranked Swarthmore and 15th-ranked Carnegie Mellon by identical 5-0 scores in the first two rounds of the tournament. The winner of the W&L/Denison match will play the winner of the match between fourth-ranked Gustavus Adolphus (30-2) and seventh-ranked Middlebury (14-2) in the first NCAA Semifinal on Thu., May 19 at 9:30 am. The first and second rounds of NCAA singles play and first round of NCAA doubles action will take place on Sat., May 21. Hagerman, the top seed with a 29-1 singles record, will face off against ‘Tara Houlihan of Gustavus Adolphus in ‘the first round. Applegate, who is a perfect 14-0 in singles action, will play Liz Bondi of DePauw, while McClung (16-1) will oppose Elizabeth Maclellan of Wheaton (Ill.). ’ In doubles, Hagerman and Wortham, the number one seed with a 13- 1 record, will square off against the duo of Sara Hughes and Allison Dunn of Colby in the first round. Applegate and McClung (10-1) will play Abby Lerner and Colleen Donnelly of Brandeis Meanwhile, Washington and Lee senior Paul McClure (Memphis, Tenn./ Memphis University School) and junior David Shay (Martinez, Ga./Augusta Prep) have been selected to participate in the NCAA Division III Individual Championshfps held May 21-23 at the University of California Santa Cruz. McClure will participate in the NCAA Singles Championship after earning All—America honors a year ago. Shay, who also earned All-America honors in the NCAA Singles competition last year, will not participate in the singles this year, but will team with McClure in the NCAA Doubles Championship. McClure has posted a 15-8 overall record at No. 1 singles for W&L this season and the duo of McClure and Shay has gone 12-9 at No. 1 doubles. Washington and Lee had its team season end on Sunday as it fell to second- ranked Emory University, 4-0, in the NCAA Division III Second Round. The Generals finished with a 16-6 overall record and a No. 13 national ranking. 11 a.m.-2 p.m. Eat in or take out Home-cooked vegetarian fare Lax finished jWomen’s team drops game to Salisbury Sports Release SPORTS INFORMATION Top-ranked Salisbury University raced out to a 5-0 lead and never looked back in defeating 13th-ranked Washington and Lee, 15-4. in the NCAA Women’s Lacrosse Tournament Quarterfinals on Sunday afternoon in Salisbury, Md. Sea Gull (16-0) junior attacker Kate Scott started the game-opening five-goal flurry just 33 seconds into the game when she found the net unassisted. W&L sliced the lead to 5-2 with 12:28 left in the first half on a pair of unassisted tallys by junior attacker Amanda Strickler (Lexington, Va./ Rockbridge County), but Salisbury closed the half with six straight goals for an 11-2 halftime lead. The Generals cut the SU advantage to 11-4 with 21:19 remaining in the game on unassisted goals by senior midfielder Natalya Hookchaak (Barrington, Ill./ Loyola Academy) and junior defender Louisa Feve (Bethesda, Md./Winston Churchill), but the Sea Gulls closed with four straight goals for the 11-goal win. Washington and Lee could not overcome 28 turnovers which led to a 36- 19 advantage in shots for Salisbury. Stickler led the W&L offense with two goals, while freshman Sarah Tilbor (West Siinsbury, Conn./Simsbury) notched 12 saves between the pipes. Senior midfielder Linda Ackerman paced the Sea Gulls with three goals, while Scott posted two goals and two assists. Junior attacker Amanda Tack added two goals and one assist, and junior Ali Goetz recorded 10 saves in goal. With the loss, the Generals’ season ends with a 15-4 overall record, tying the school record for victories in a season. Salisbury advances to the NCAA Division IH Final Four held at The College of New Jersey next weekend. SPORTS INFORMATION lizfa? yuczru find it. greater >I.“:DI't.'lr1SB2- _ . i:~le+::1io:::a.1te::1 team "this: &I at Caxnp Easter Seats "Virrg:i.ix1ria in. IGouri;t.3r. job for ho-rue-back riding, sports rm-are)-. axrud providad. cztcaxntaaclt I3-ah-czrah ]Z}war1§::' at IEi.fi11i&fk@V?i§-$<&‘Bi&I.S7$»&}E.C'IDXK1 C.:rs.=..-.a.ir_ing .-aasc:n~lt‘u.itiic:ar"x..-5*. ;I£i:.xe::a-.- swmman GAME? JCIBS Lt»-akizag 1801." the beat aatxnurnerr of 'y‘r:uur IE.-aiatter sealer can halip Wé axes -ccanumitte-cl. tn ea.-1:7: _]r.»i:n_ »c:aur caaznp lveiaadm-rs rxttzsi-c:., Ra-ores, .F’or ‘C369.’ 3! (‘S403 88d.——5‘.'.i‘.‘5«’0. V131-I. our ~wseeht3ite In Ieaxn how makes a diflerence-. mr4vnvar..va.ea;9.terraeaJ;Ea.c.o1:u Kl. OCR::/Vol_108/WLURG39_RTP_20050516/WLURG39_RTP_20050516_003.2.txt 1 A MONDAY,MAY ‘I6, 2005 A ,/ IIIIIIIIIIIIS THE RING-TUM PHI 0 3 20 years... We applaud recent events in the faculty promotion process which show definite progress in regards to the alleged glass ceiling referred to in the May 2 signed faculty letter. The law school appointments just announced list Dorothy Brown as the newest Director of the Frances Lewis Law Center. We know that the faculty hsted this position as being one of the more prestigious positions on campus and bemoaned the fact that no woman had ever been appointed. It seems that the Board answered the faculty’s call to “show leadership immediately and address this crisis.” Now that these positive steps are being made towards the future, it is time to turn our attention to all of the contributions women have made during the twenty years of coeducation on Washington and Lee’s campus. Since the next academic year marks the twentieth year that women have contributed to undergraduate life on this campus, we believe that this occasion should be celebrated. We urge campus women’s groups such as KEWL and the womens studies faculty and students to use this year to highlight notable Washington and Lee women. University Administrators and the Executive Committee should lend these campus groups their full support in this endavor. Ideas for celebration include: bring in successful female alumnae to speak to the current generation of W&L women. Make T-shirts, throw a party, talk to long—time female faculty members about the progress women have made, start discussion about what room is left for improvement when it comes to gender relations on campus. Whatever we do, we must mark this noteworthy occassion. UPS 8: DOWNS Opinions Editor Caley Anderson takes a break from the Spring Term high life long enough to hand down the rise and fall of a whole lot of stuff 0 Nader Campus still talking about this remarkable speaker, despite the fact that most of us would have thought him a nut before his appearence. Defends his ‘00 and ‘04 runs, delivers an eloquent critique of modern politics left and right. Definitely worth $17,000, excellent job by Contact. 0 Library I mean, I know it’s the worst building on campus, but does anyone else think that it smells like licorice in the stairwells? I can’t get over this. Oliolating D.C. airspace mles I’d give you 50,000:l odds on the Cessna beating the two F-16s. O Filibuster Beware, either party, of killing off the increased majority rule for ending frlibusters, lest you lose power some time in the future. The Republicans live in glass houses, and are contemplating a rather big stone. 0 Kellen Winslow, Jr. Cleveland Browns- “Eventually, we’d like you to, you know, play some games for us.” ORegistration Gotta love e-registering. Suggestion- software that shows us the times of the classes while registering, so it’s harder to accidentally run into timing conflicts? O Profs for Women See how many female department chairs you can name off the top of your head. Now see how many male ' departrnerirchadirs you can name. Eloquent letter should be acted upon. ,4’ 0 Boxing Bill in senate provides for greater boxer health safeguards. Still, what about all the utter promoter corruption? A unified national ByMaryChilds IT’S NOT YOU, IT'S ME I can honestly say that I’m shocked at how little time is left before summer vacation. Endings naturally bring about reflections on the past, even for those of us who are not graduating. My best friend is one of those people who constantly reminds me and everyone around us what has been accomplished in the past year. She. filled pages and pages of my yearbook at the end of every year recounting every adventure that we’ve had. One page was always devoted to “The Warm-Fuzzy Memory List,” which she filled with every memory she could think of. When I look back at these lists, I realize just how much every year pushes us on to the future that awaits us. Each year, something happens that closes some doors and opens others. Even though we may not realize it at the time, there is some significant decision now that determines what happens in the future. I think that these events are not specific to individuals, but also happen in the history of institutions as well and W&L. is no different. Lots of changes have happened here this year. Some students, myself included, are clinging to the traditional symbol of the trident. When I first read that it might be changed, I sincerely hoped that it was an April Fool’s joke. I love the trident as it is, but I love what it symbolizes even more. It’s the tradition of the university. When I lay out on the front lawn, I feel like I could be a student at any time in history. I know that buildings have been added, rebuilt, remodeled and torn down, but when I glimpse the steeple of Lee Chapel or the statue of George Washington atop Washington Hall against the clear blue sky, I feel a deep connection to the students who have walked through the columns since their original construction. And I want to feel like I’ll have that same connection to the students that will find themselves and their futures here in the next 100 years. ~ However, with all the changes that have come about in the past few years, I’m not sure that they’ll be attending the same W&L as I am now. Changes continue We are in control of changes at W&L I know that this really doesn’t have anything to do with softening the edges of the trident, but, nonetheless, it makes me wonder what changes will keep the university modern while preserving its wonderful, traditional feel. I think the biggest priority is to keep the tradition of academic excellence while maintaining an environment in keeping with southern hospitality. As long as the lovable essence isn’t lost, I can accept that changes are necessary and important. I truly believe that one of these changes was recently expressed by concerned staff members. Next year marks the 20th anniversary of the admission of women students. But it certainly doesn’t feel like it has been this long and the percentage of female faculty clearly doesn’t come close to the percentage of female students. Of my two favorite professors, one is male and the other is female. I’ve had both male and female professors ‘that I've really liked, and both male and female professors that I didn’t like. Both sexes clearly make great professors, but, for some reason, females are underrepresented here. I’m not sure if this is due to lack of applicants, a smaller percentage of women who have become professors, or discrimination. While women may make up half the population and cannot be considered a minority in this respect, the letter to President Burish, Membersof the Board of Trustees, and the community shows that there is still work to do before women are equal to men on this campus. As the feminist Charlotte Whitton once said “Whatever women do they must do twice as well as men to be thought half as good.” I hope every student here feels like they can do something to contribute and to urge the administration to hire more women. After all, working for women’s equality is not an issue that contradicts the rights of men. Being pro-woman does not lead to being anti—man. I feel like many instances of under-representation are accidental, and I certainly hope that that is the case here. Whatever the reason for a lack of women faculty now, I hope it can change in the future. We decide today what the future holds tomorrow. WASHINGTON AND LEE UNIVERSITY THE RING-TUM PHI. EDITOR-IN-CHIEF MANAGING EDITOR ASST. NEWS EDITOR OPINIONS EDITOR ASST. OPINIONS EDITOR ASST. UFEEDITOR PHOTO EDITOR LAYOUT EDITOR BUSINESS IVIANAGER CIRCULATION DIRECTORS COPY EDITORS governing body? Nothing yet. ERIN ELIZABETH JULIUS‘ MARSHALL RULE KATHERINE SHELL CALEY ANDERSON ANNE FINLEY BREE MELTON STEVEN MARINOS EMILY HULEN DAVID SEIFERT YINYAN LI ROHAN POOJARA WOODROW FRIEND DAN MCMENAMIN AMANDA THOLKE VANESSA ARNESS 77ieRhg~amH1isptbiS‘1edNkmaysdimgmeu1dergrachatesdndyear atwashington and Lee University, Lexington, Vugnia flief%g4zmPfrisama113erot1l1eNedaBoard,Mid1<‘.anberead1edat meciaboard@vv1u.ed.1,bulisotherw'sehdeperxierit Theflhg-tunPhiweIoomesaI Allsubmissiorsmustbee-maiIedtophi@wIu.eduorinIheUriveisiIyCenterrnai:>oxby5p.m. Fndaytoappearimiweiolkwi/irig\AIeeI(sedfior1. fl1eFihg~arnPffireseNeSfl1erigmtoedtsumissiasbrwmemar1d|engm. LeflesamodmnrsdormmoessaiwmfledteophbndflBFfi7gtmPHEdmrialBoam. Advertisingdoesnotreflectmeopinionsoflheflhg-amPHoritsstafi. Thisriewspaperobseweswrrentowndefirifimsofibelanddnsoerity. 7heFI‘ng-amPh’ UriversityComrmrsRoom.341 WasI“ngu3rrar1dLeeUriversity Lex'ngton,Wg‘ia24450 Telephone: (540)458-4060 Fa)c(540)458-4059 Emai:pI*i@wu.ed.r Sa.bsa'ptionrate$40 Research distracts profs By Chris Lauderman CONTRIBUTING EDITOR Professors should not be pushed to publish. Don’t get me wrong, I am in favornof some research. Its strength lies in the fact that it keeps professors fresh and up to date in their fields. However, when it means that my professor has to choose whether or not he is going to teach me one—on-one so I can grasp the material or tell me that he can’t see me because his research comes first, I am no longer a supporter. I believe most upperclassmen would agree with me that W&L now is not the institution that we matriculated into three or four years ago. This fact scares me. I have never really bought into the argument that W&L is forgoing its mission because of its drive to be declared a top ten liberal arts college by US News & World Report. However, I believe that we are treading on very dangerous waters. Teaching and student learning should be our school’s number one focus. That is what makes us great. I am very glad that I chose to attend W&L over a research university. I would never want to go to a school where office hours means visiting a TA instead of talking with a professor. Every week when I give a tour, I tell prospective students about how my professors are not ashamed of the label “teacher” and that they would gladly take time out of their extremely busy days to help me with whatever I have needed. I have been blessed with amazing professors who have never turned me away. But I don’t see how this can be the case much longer. If we embark on a quest to rise to the top of completely arbitrary rankings, our professors will apparently have to be famous for our peer institutions to respect us, regardless of whether they are good teachers or not. The fact that professors are even willing to have paren— teacher conferences over Parent’s Weekend is astounding. What other university in the country has a faculty so heavily engaged in student’s lives that they would take the time to meet and explain college life to parents? I think that if we are going to rise in the rankings, we need to build from what makes us the wonderful institution we already are — a great faculty, deans who interact with students, a large array of course offerings, no TAs, and small class sizes. The list can go on and on. Over my past three years here, I have come to love Washington and Lee and what it stands for — honor, integrity, and gentlemanly conduct. But what I love most about W&L is what I have loved most from the beginning: excellent teaching. Ironically, if we take for granted our calling to be a teaching university, we will not only lose our niche, but also take a dive in the coveted US News rankings. OCR::/Vol_108/WLURG39_RTP_20050516/WLURG39_RTP_20050516_004.2.txt 4 0 THE RING-TUM PHI MONDAY, MAY 16, 2005 “A lot of kids say, ‘I want to be a CSI because I like what they do on the show, and then you tell them, ‘Well, you have to take four years of chemistry. ’And they say, ‘Oh. I don’t wanna do that. ”’ — QUOTE OFTHE WEEKJoseA|mimI,HondahrI Univ. Forensicssciemeeadmnesnuesnieaor Contact Response to Phi Staff Editorial The staff editorial published in the May 9"‘ issue of the Ring Tum Phi raised several issues that the Contact Committee would like to address. The Phi editorial pointed out that Contact’s mission statement is to “appeal to as many segments of the student body as possible.” Contact has attempted to do this throughout the past year. This year alone, Contact brought or helped to bring seventeen speakers to campus including 2 outdoor adventurers, 2 speakers from opposite ends of the abortion debate, a noted conservative television show host, a universally recognized left wing speaker and former presidential candidate, a biographer of George Washington, several non—partisan speakers addressing the 2004 election, a noted left leaning poverty lobbyistl advocate, a speaker who discussed racial issues, and a highly regarded defense and homeland security expert. This year the Committee sought to balance the speaker lineup with various topics and viewpoints; unfortunately, a woman was not on the slate. The Comrrrittee also makes its selections based on contacts individual members have with speakers. For example, the biographer of George Washington was brought for a low cost because of his being family friends with a member of the Committee. One problem that Contact inevitably faces when making speaker selections is cost and most women tend to have higher speaking fees than their male counterparts. For example, a woman with as much name recognition as Ralph Nader such as Katie Couric charges $115,000 plus first class expenses whereas Ralph Nader (and Tucker Carlson) cost only _ $15,000 plus expenses. The Phi editorial made several excellent suggestions as to speakers next year. Two, Elizabeth Dole and Lorna Tychostup, were both discussed for either this year or next. Several of the Phi’s list would cost nothing but expenses due to their being elected officials. These would include Elizabeth Dole, Kay Bailey Hutchinson, Barbara Boxer, and Condoleezza Rice. The problem with selecting elected officials is that, because they are not getting paid, they do not hold to speaking engagements (that is, if you can get them to schedule a school speech) as strictly as their paid civilian counterparts. The rest of the list was also composed of excellent suggestions as reflected in their cost (keep in mind that the entire Contact budget for 2004-2005 was approximately $63,000 and the entire amount spent on our 2 keynote speakers, Ralph Nader and Tucker Carlson, was only $30,000), Maya Angelou— $53,000, Christine Todd Whitman- $20,000, Paula Zahn— $37,500, Christine Amanpour— $50,000, Katie Couric— $115,000, Alice Walker- $33,000 Jessica Lynch- $12,500 (Ms. Lynch only performs interviews though, thus her appearance would not be a practicality). , Dominique Dawes is $7,500 and Carol Moseley Braun $15,000; both are names that will receive serious consideration for next year. As can be seen, though, most of the other suggestions are utterly impossible to achieve unless the Executive Committee chose to divert perhaps $100,000 or more to Contact next year (hint hint). In conclusion, the Contact Committee would like to thank the Phi , for working to right what many consider to be an imbalance within the Contact speaker slate. The Committee promises to continue to bring the best speakers within its limited budget throughout the coming year. We as a Committee encourage anyone with suggestions for speakers to e-mail me at kronenfeldd@wlu.edu. Sincerely, David Kronenfeld ’07 Contact Vice-Chair for Publicity 2004-2005 Nader’s Lessons important to all We all can learn from Nader’s speech By Anne Finley THE BIG PICTURE So last week, with the rest of the world, I went to see Ralph Nader in Lee Chapel. And surprisingly to me, I was impressed by the well—spoken man who I had expected to be a little crazy. Granted, he might have had some more extreme ideas to express had he actually been allowed to discuss politics, but as it was I found his central message to be compelling: don’t be apathetic. Question everything around you, all the things that get under your skin but you let go because you can “never change things.” Complacency is boring — do something about it. It actually made me think (no, not I about becoming a Green Party convert, though never say never). For all of my opinions, and all of my talk in articles like these, can I really say I’ve influenced the making of important changes? Can any of us? It is so easy not to become actively involved with something you believe in. Or, if you do get involved or even reach a leadership level position, it often happens that the big ideas you’ve formed in your head of what should be done get pushed back and never fully-realized. I’m certainly guilty of this, however well- intentioned I might have been. Mr. Nader made me realize how much effort a normal person can put into something; how motivated and single- rnindedly driven you have to be to actually ‘knows at least half of it never happens. make things happen. In that way, he is kind of a hero for me. Whether or not any of us believe with his ideas or not, he is devoted to a cause and fights for it and you have to respect that on some level. He fights for the people who are too worn out from working two jobs and raising kids to have time to even question the system. Four years sounds like a long time. But two, to my ceaseless amazement, have already passed me by. Maybe it is necessary for anyone with some serious goals to accomplish in their college life to sit down and literally make a timetable. Though you always imagine all the things you’ll have time to get done over Spring Term or Winter Break, God We may not be in careers yet, but I guess we have to learn to budget our time and give ourselves deadlines if the important stuff is actually going to get done. So, if you have it in you, learn from our friendly visiting politician. Figure out what you care about most and fight for it. Don’t expect that others will get it done or the problems will magically go away. Get out of the mindset that it isn’t “my job” or “my responsibility” and take the initiative to strive for whatever kind of change you are looking for. ' Figure out what you care about most and fight for it. Don’t expect that others will get it done or the problems will magically go away. 0 ‘Z/L1“ FINE L‘lNGERIE Come See I FVhat ’s New in Town 21 W. Nelson St. 463-6963 Mon - Fri 10-5:30 Sat 10-5 “semper ubi sub ubi” 4,3" area: I -- ,4 ca "Irma 1&1 we came Brew t'}r_I:2£:i: = . . _ {§?‘§¥i’$k§¥3'8t ~3raa;a’afast Bar 7° . .. ~:3asay fiauia, eatae, is ear ‘£'1ii3;!&%-‘¥s£3P&& flame Mmls 6! ffoayimtiiyt’ A 341 iii:-are at ‘Say. days it Located at Hi TfiAVE!.. I at 3516 were bmtmema. YA facts: is 3: of W Dear Editor, Given the recent discussion of University hiring policy brought on by the recent appointment of Dr. Howard Dobin as Dean of the College, I felt compelled to write to the Phi. Being a member of the student search committee for Dean of the College, I believe I have a special insight into the issue. At first, I hesitated to speak out, but a senior I have little to lose. As both Allen Gillespie ‘95 and Richard Hoover ’61 discuss in recent letters to the Trident, there seems to be a great deal of concern that the faculty who signed the now—ir1famous letter to the Phi and Trident are basing their complaints off a simplistic and small-minded interest in numerical diversity. This view is seconded by Dr. Jaciewicz in May 5 article by Kaylee Hartung in the Trident. I want to strongly question the two assumptions that seem to be the basis of these views- I- That the person who was hired for the position was selected through a lengthy search process, so he must be the most qualified and suitable candidate. 2- That the most qualified person for a position is usually a white male, and if a woman or minority is hired, it must be because he or she fulfilled some sort of quota. I fervently believe that these are both false statements, and that something has gone seriously awry in W&L’s hiring practices. In interviewing Dr. Dobin, I found that he was the least knowledgeable of all the candidates about the culture and traditions of W&L. All of the other candidates seemed to have researched Washington and Lee and to be able to provide preliminary comments or thoughts on what the best qualities of our school are. Dr. Jeanine Stewart, on the other hand, was already an expert on the W&L experience. This was not the case with Dr. Dobin. I quote from the report I submitted at the end of the search process: “I am concerned that he [Dr. Dobin] would not fit well into the culture of W&L. For example, when he posed questions to students he was very concerned to ask us what we did not like about W&L. While I -.»*3i’&fiil~‘¥1A!tl! some of the other candidates asked a similar question of the students, I felt that he was very concerned to pick apart aspects of our school. He seemed very skeptical about the culture of W&L. While we do deserve scrutiny on some issues, I did not feel that he was wholly diplomatic in the way he went about the discussion. He was perhaps a bit imperious and he seemed to speak to us as an administrator talking down to students. While I feel that he is a creative and dynamic candidate, I am not sure that he is the right fit for W&L. I am not sure that he would be happy here and I think that he would step on toes... overall I felt that he seemed unnecessarily critical of W&L for someone who is a job candidate. Also, I think that he would turn students off—he really came off as a high- rolling Ivy League administrator.” Tell me, does this evaluation (which is dated February 23, LONG BEFORE any of the discussion in the newspapers) speak of a candidate who is well-suited to the culture of W&L? He seemed more concerned with discussing the wonders of Princeton than his excitement about working at W&L. Contrast this with what I wrote of Dr. Stewart: “In short, I found it hard to judge Dean Stewart against the other candidates. The tone of our conversation with her was much different than that with the other candidates. Because of her knowledge of W&L and of the position of Dean, I found that she was able to provide much more specific examples of certain practices and behaviors she would like to see encouraged. I was impressed that she did‘ not hesitate to be critical of the University and had a distinctive vision for the position of Dean and for the College. Further I felt that of all the candidates she was the most adamant about committing the University to more diverse hiring practices, which I thought was very appropriate. I also thought she made a fairly good case for why continuity would be good in the Dean’s Office.” Those are the good qualities I observed in her interview. That said, I find it difficult to draw comparisons—since the other candidates knew much less about Washington and Lee, I think Dean Stewart has a certain natural advantage and I do not want to “penalize” the other candidates for not having that. I would say that in this process I sought for those who seemed to have a clear “vision” for the College. The two candidates that most did that in my opinion were [a third candidate] and Dr. Stewart.” Let me say that my status as a feminist does not mean that I do not want the most qualified candidate for the position. But when I saw that Dr. Dobin had been hired, I was absolutely horrified. I think it’s highly improbable that the ’ search committee recommended Dr. Dobin. I believe instead that the search committee was overridden because hiring him would allow us to plaster “W&L Steals Princeton Administrator” all over the front page of our website. It is a fallacy, then, that Dr. Dobin was the most qualified candidate. Not only is Dr. Stewart a stronger candidate, I ranked TWO OTHER candidates above him as well. Of course, I hope that Dr. Dobin will prove me wrong and become an admirable and sensitive leader of the College. I also wish the best to Dr. Stewart, who in my opinion has been treated most unfairly. I further urge President Burish and Provost Williams to examine their decisions closely. What is more important? Having a fancy news story to put on our website? Playing in the same sandbox as Princeton and Swarthmore? I think not. In the twenty-first century, W&L should be making strides towards building its own unique identity. We should be rejecting the myth of the heroic outsider and choosing the most qualified leaders for our institution. We should be diversifying. We should be examining our traditions closely, keeping the best ones, and rooting out those that may be hurtful to our progress. Students and faculty are at the heart of what Washington and Lee is all about. And in the hiring of a new Dean of the College, their voices have been silenced by the work of a few administrators. I hope that this is not the start of a new W&L tradition. Sincerely, Susan Somers, ‘05 New Opticians Boutique Extreme Fun! Oakley Maui Jim For all your Vision needs come, to 203 N. Main Street, Lexington, VA 540-463-7440 OCR::/Vol_108/WLURG39_RTP_20050516/WLURG39_RTP_20050516_005.2.txt A 1'- 3.4 I MONDAY, MAY 16, 2005 THE RING-TUM PHI 0 5 arts&life By Bree Melton ASSISTANT LIFE EDITOR Step back with us, across the sea to 17”‘ century Venice. Here you will find Kate of Shakespeare’s The Taming of the Shrew tamed and gone leaving a self- righteous Petruchio searching for a new and more easily controlled wife. John Fletcher’s The Tamer Tamed is a hilarious, fast-paced, sexually charged account of how Petruchio is schooled by his new wife Maria in the proper way to treat a strong and independent woman. The play is staged in the classic Shakespearean theatre form that draws audiences from three sides into the play to interact with and respond to the actors as they present the story. Uproarious flowery - verse rolls over the audience laced with subtle and not-so-subtle sexual innuendos and allusions. In preparation, all of the actors participated in period movement classes from Nona Monahin of Amherst College. We learned how to bow, dance, andrwe listened to Renaissance music in order to get into character. New to W&L theatre staff, Kimberly Jew directs. Starring is senior Vicky Stanham as the intelligent and quick-witted Maria opposite freshman Charles Barbour who plays the macho and caustic Petruchio. Charlie Boisky graces the W&L P stage once more hilariously portraying old Gremio. Junior Ligia Abreu is cast as Maria’s sweet yet scheming sister Livia, and sophomore Michael Wagoner gives life to her bumbling beloved. The girls’ traditional father Petronious is played by , g sophomore Alejandro Selin. Ruth Esponda 7 leads the women of the play as the commanding and independent Bianca, younger sister to the late Kate. Act I opens during Maria and Petruchio’s wedding party. Instead of dutifully submitting to her new husband, Maria runs off and barricades herself in the house. While Petruchio is off trying to get in to his wife, three of the men make bets on how quickly Petruchio will break the will of Maria. Act I also reveals the romance between Livia and her sweetheart, - Rowland. However it’s to Gremio, Livia’s Spring production pays hilarious tribute to the Bard wealthy and ancient suitor, that Petronious would like to see his youngest daughter wed. . Much of the action in The Tamer Tamed takes place in the upper level of the beautiful set. In the first balcony scene in the play, Bianca encourages Maria to defy her husband and keep him from her bed until he promises to treat her with equal respect. In the second act, Livia joins with Bianca and Maria’s cause to stave off her imminent marriage to Gremio, mockingly scorning Rowland in the process. Rowland mistakes the ruse for actual disdain, but the gentleman Tranio sees through it. ‘Also in Act II, the rest of the city and country women join Bianca, Maria and Livia in a very unladylike display. Their rebellious actions frighten and anger the men, but Petruchio agrees to accept Maria’s conditions if she admits him to the house thinking he will placate her now and break her later. But Act HI proves Maria is not so ’ easily taken. The first scene shows Tranio making a bet with Rowland that not only will he soon be in love with Livia again, but that he, Tranio, will himself reconcile the supposed rift between them. It turns out that Tranio is working with Livia and Bianca to prevent the marriage between Gremio and_Livia and bring about the union of Livia and Rowland. When Maria, Petruchio and his friend Hortensio take the stage again, Maria does her best to anger Petruchio and prove to him that he will not control her. She flirts with Hortensio and grants him a boon. In response, Petruchio feigns sickness to try and gain sympathy from Maria. She responds by acting as if he has the plague and will die, locking him in the house and removing all their STEVEN MARINOS / PHOTO EDITOR ‘ ‘Tamer’ opens May 20 belongings. Busting out of the house after everyone has run off in fear of catching his illness, Petruchio roars that once more Maria has gotten the better of him. Act IV opens with Petronious and Gremio agreeing on a marriage contract. Maria and Petruchio confront each‘ other once more, he graciously offers to forgive her because he does truly love her. She endures his yelling, but when he threatens to hit her, Maria will not stand for it. Tranio, Bianca, and Livia are found plotting still. This time Bianca coaches Livia to pretend to be ill and accept the marriage with Grerriio, promising that all will work out in the end. Hortensio tries to help Maria and Petruchio reconcile as he can tell that they still love each other, but neither is willing to compromise with the other. In the final act, Bianca provides the marriage contracts that are supposedly for Gremio and Livia, but Rowland and Petronious also sign as witnesses. Rowland is distraught thinking he is witnessing his love being turned over to old Grerriio. But Tranio announces that Rowland has lost his bet with him and bids him examine the marriage contract he signed. Thus Rowland discovers that it is he who is married to Livia, not Grerriio. As Petruchio’s servants prepare to set sail with him, Hortensio enters armouncing that all the fighting with Maria has killed their master. All enter mourning over Petruchio’s body, but Maria does not repent the way she treated him, only is sad that it had to end like it did. Hearing this, Petruchio leaps up as he was only feigning death. He begs Maria to explain to him why she treated him so poorly. To which she responds, “I have done my worst, and have my end: I’ve tarn’d ye, And now am vow’d your servant.” Thus the play ends: everything as it should be. So much work and care has been put into this production, and it should prove to be a very exciting ride. It opens Thursday night at 8 in the Johnson theatre. Of the play Charles Barbour says, “I am stoked!!!” Performances run May 20, 21, 23, 24 at 8 pm and May 22 at 2 pm. For tickets, call the box office (x8000). Cheer wench! Lexington and sushi Never the two shall mix well? By Marshall Rule MANAGING EDITOR There are many words in the English dictionary that are fine on their own but should never go together. “Warm” and “natty” should not go _ together. “Rain” and “Buffalo Creek” is not a good combination. “W&L basketball” and “win” do not go well together. . “Lexington” and “sushi” fall under this category. Lexington, on its own, is a fine thing. While the town is quite boring at times, it is also filled with beautiful scenery. And when it comes down to it, there are plenty of things to do if you are creative enough to look for them. Sushi, on its own, is a brilliant thing. Possibly the best food ever invented by man (if you don’t think about what you are eating), sushi has a special place in my heart. However, Lexington and sushi are not things that should mix. Many people living in Rockbridge County moved here from bigger cities in order to escape to the quiet country life. Many of these people probably know good sushi and have eaten it on many occasions. However, for some reason, I am a little skeptical about sushi prepared in Lexington. Raw meat is not something that should be played around with, especially by a 16 year old in aWizards basketball jersey who prepared my sushi when I went to Lexington’s lone sushi restaurant the other day. I don’t think 16 year old kids from Lexington make veiy authentic sushi. While the sushi was fairly good, especially considering the source, you could still never pay me enough money to eat the sushi that the co-op sells on select days for lunch. Something about day old sushi from Lexington makes me a little nauseous. I can’t eat the food in the Dining Hall without needing my stomach pumped, much less am I going to try the sushi. But the real problem about my sushi outing the other day was the quality of service. This seems to be a reoccurring theme in Lexington restaurants, but I have never had worse service anywhere than I did at the sushi place on Saturday night. It took us at least five minutes to even be acknowledged, and another five to get our menus. After finally ordering four waters and a Pepsi, we had to go up to remind them about the drinks 10 minutes later. After 20 minutes, we still weren’t even asked what we wanted to eat. After 35 minutes in the restaurant, we were finally able to order, but of course, to continue with the theme of the outing, the food took forever to arrive. At first we thought we were just unlucky. Maybe the “waiter that wanted to be an actor” just kept forgetting about our table. But then we realized that we were actually getting the best service of any one in the place. The group of three guys that had ordered before we had even arrived got their food ten minutes after ours. It’s kind of sad to think that restaurants are able to treat customers like pet dogs just because we don’t have any alternative places to eat. Any Lexington restaurant would not be able to survive in any bigger city. This attitude towards customers (especially college students), is quite annoying to me. I like to think that Washington and Lee helps the town as much as the town helps us, but I think that the relationship is a little one sided. Business skyrockets for local stores and restaurants during Parents’ Weekend and Graduation. In the sushi restaurant the other day, there were about six tables occupied, five of those tables were taken by W&L students, and the other by a Keydet and his family. I am not looking for special attention, just some common decency. LIFEGUARDS/POOL MANAGERS Now hiring for summer 2005 NoVa areas! Competitive Pay! Call now or visit website! www.premier41 1 .com 1 877 SEE POOL Body Frosf/kg! Sfress /ldin 1'5! 6'/roco/a fe Bando/'ds/ K/c/(/15$ Popcorn.’ wvvvv- funfoodsforyou.con1 I=lJl\I FCDCDDS 6/‘ff: cf Snacks For All Gccas/‘o/7.5 Treat’ a friend or yourself’ 6 E- VVashington St (‘Next to Stonewall Jackson I-louse) 464-4433 .7777! Beatn BBQ Sauce! Love Po f/‘on /\/o- 9! 6'/woco/a re 6"/_’gor:»:/ Tequ/'/a Salsa! FIJI: Foocls & Accessories l:\I.c’)I 1 «liq-ti) 11)!!!) Warning If you are under 30 or otherwise suffer from severe Mass Media Syndrome DO NOT read Bob Fussell’s (W&L class of ‘64) MY GREAT LIFE www.mygreatlife.net without approval of your mental health provider OCR::/Vol_108/WLURG39_RTP_20050516/WLURG39_RTP_20050516_006.2.txt THE RING-TUM PHI word MONDAY, MAY 16, 2005 A How—to on Spring Term Breka explains the do’s of Spring By Bree Melton and Eka Akpakip BREKA This campus has got spring fever and the only prescription is MORE COWBELL! ! But no, seriously. . .people are breaking up, hooking up, and then shacking up, but to what end? There are only two weeks left in school so now is the time to figure out your summer plans. Eka is completely of the school of thought that: Who needs spring flings? It’s time for summer flings! Going away for the summer is usually the perfect time to meet that special-for-just—three— months someone. Real relationships can wait. So one way to look at spring flings is: hit up the seniors! If they’re not already in a serious relationship that will lead to marriage, all they want is to get a little action before branching out into the “real world.” And all you want is a guy that’s 21. Sooooo convenient. The prime choice is that senior who just broke up with his long time girlfriend in anticipation of graduation. He’s alone, maybe just a little sad, and definitely in need of some spring lovin’. He also probably doesn’t want to start anything serious, but then neither do you! With a lighter spring term load, you definitely have time for this. And considering the serious lack of parties this past term, you really don’t have too much of an opportunity to meet a ton of random hook—ups. , Let’s face it - having a consistent one is just easier and most economically efficient. Yeah, that’s right, we paid attention in 101. I So we also know the meaning of opportunity cost. That guy you met at Buffalo Creek? Say something to him! You never know what could happen. If you don’t exchange phone numbers or don’t ask him on a date, you could miss out on initiating something you could come back to in the fall. Plant the seed in his head now, so when he returns next semester he’s had you on his mind all summer! Breka’s advice for the remainder of the term is to seize your opportunities. The beautiful weather giving you that added energy, how can you wait? Be frisky, be daring, take the chance! What do you have to lose? Going away for the summer is usually . the perfect time to meet that special—for- just—three—months someone. Pet peeves galore By Kristine Early THE MILK AND CHEESE G|RL You sleep through your alarm and miss English class- for the fourth time in a row. You get a test back in Calculus, and needless to say, you didn’t do quite as well as you expected. You manage to spill your » drink all over your brand new outfit at lunch. You almost trip up the stairs in the Commons. Give up. It’s just one of those days. Maybe it’s just one of those weeks. Don’t fight it. Be bitter. Find the bad in everything. Vent your frustrations at the minutiae in life, like: 1) Tortilla chips without salsa. It’s like pie without ice cream, completely sacrilegious. 2) PDAs. Unless the Milk and Cheese Girl is personally involved. 3) People who wear spandex to the gym. It doesn’t look good on anyone. In fact, it should be outlawed. 4) Having to wait in line to get to the keg. We need our beer, and the clock is ticking. 5) People who cut in line at the keg. We need our beer, and the clock is ticking. 6) Glassketchup bottles. Seriously, they’re way too much work. , 7) Purple and green ketchup. Sometimes companies get a little too creative. 8) Country music. It should be outlawed right along with spandex. 9) The death of the speaking tradition. Really, how hard is it to smile and say “hi”? 10) People that have long conversations on their cell phones in public. , 11) Over-attentive waiters. When my glass is ten—elevenths full, I really don’t need any more to drink. 12) Under—attentive waiters. (Can you really win with me?) 13) People who take life too seriously. 14) Unfinished to-do lists. 15) People who block the aisles at Wal—Mart with their carts or their girth. 16) When all the elliptical machines are in use at the gym. 17) Unidentified meat at the Marketplace. Is that pork or beef? 18) Pop~up ads. I’m sure you already have a fine porn collection. 19) Being woken up from a nap. It’s my personal ultimate pet peeve. -.x/' 20) Spam. Actually, if you met the type of person who would buy Rogaine or ehem.. enhancement products on- line, you’d probably feel a bit better about your own life. 21) Telemarketers. 22) People who forget to put away messages up. Okay, call me a voyeur, but even “Away” leaves me more satisfied the “Idle.” 23) Cold coffee. It may be worse I than warm beer. 24) People that make comments throughout the entire movie. Okay, that’s me. But I try to be discreet. Throw popcorn at me and I’ll shut up. 25) When your teacher says something to the likeness of: “Well, I don’t think we’re going to have time to discuss Precipitate Effects on the Mechanical Behavior of Aluminum Copper/llloys, so you don’t have to read it if you didn’t get a chance to last night.” Hey, if you had to suffer through that thirty—page masterpiece, so should everyone. 26) Leaving a restaurant and smelling like smoke for the rest of the night. ‘ 27) Lugging all your laundry (two months worth) down three flights of stairs only to discover that all the washers are full. 28) Realizing right after the door closes that you left your key card on top of your desk. 29) Overbooked airplane flights. 30) Weather that goes from reasonably warm to freezing cold to scorching hot all within a three—hour time span. Hmrnrn...I wonder where that happens? 31) Having to limit your thoughts to five pages, double-spaced. Or having ‘ to expand your thoughts to five pages, double-spaced. Being resentful isn’t easy. Whenever you are tempted to think- “Wow, look at how beautiful the world is! The sun is shining. I’m in good health. I have lots of caring supportive friends and a loving family. I’m at one of the best schools in the entire country.” — you need to suck it up and resist. Refer to my list for a little help. After all, being melancholy and depressed is so hot right now. Be bitter. Find the bad in everything. Vent your frustrations/at the minutiae in life, like Tortilla chips without! salsa. It’s like pie without ice cream, /completely sacrilegious. ’ Hugh’s soul: Irate: Paris Hilton Paris and The Fisherman were meant to be together By Hugh Trout THE FISHERMAN It is rare in life that one finds their soul mate, a person that truly understands you on the most basic and intimate level. I am lucky enough to have found that person and her name is Paris Hilton. While we may not look all that much alike (the common theme is that we are both attractive and classy), we are truly the same soul in two different bodies. I can only give the overwhelming evidence that supports my claim. Allow me to explain. First, we both enjoy the nightlife. Yes, there may be others who would claim the same, but no one is as brazenly dismissive of responsibility in everyday life as we are in our mutual devotion to “living the dream.” She enjoys rocking it straight street, I define it. She enjoys being dismissive of common problems that we all must deal with, I am about to fail out because of that. She has a sex tape that has been released, mine comes out next week. She enjoys living in a large city, and I. . .ok. . .maybe we are a little different. For example, she is sort of into that whole “I’m a rich blonde whorish princess” look where as I rock the “I’m an irresponsible frat boy in need of a haircut who thinks Salemo’s is a luxurious meal and a 30—pack of Bud Light should be considered fine wine.” That is more of a taste thing, but we really are the same at heart. She displays a glorious rejection of anything that could be recognized as a goal, dream, or thought. Anyone who could so brazenly dismiss the common responsibilities that we all are expected to assume is a friend of mine. But anyone who could so effectively do nothing, and I mean nothing, is a soul mate of mine. ‘ I’m pretty sure it was Gandhi that said “accomplishing things is for suckers.” Actually, I may have dreamed that, but it seems like something Gandhi would have said if he had thought of it. If there is one thing that I have learned in this life, it’s that if you stop worrying about things, either they go away or someone else will step up for you and take care of it. This is what many like to call “working the system.” If you want to be more like me and Paris, you need to change the way you live your life, but that’s actually a much simpler thing to do than one might think. All you have to do is get up in the morning (when you feel like it, alarm clocks are only a smaller form of torture), and stand in front of a mirror and say the following: “I am a good looking person and I deserve to get what I want from everyone else because I’m me and no one else. is.” I There may be those who get in your face with “hey, that’s not fair” or “you are horribly irresponsible and need to grow up and recognize that you must do things for people other than yourself,” but all you need to do is, in the words of one of my good friends, “Brush your shoulders off.” We can even see Presidents exhibiting such behavior. The most obvious example is our current Republican wonder-hero. W has needless to say brushed off many people who have claimed he has misled us or has been irresponsible. Clinton lived more of a party life in the Oval Office than the Red Hot Chili Peppers, and he still has tons of fans to this day. So remember, the next time someone asks you to do something, say, “is this what Paris Hilton would do?”. Anyone who could so brazenly dismiss the common responsibilities that we all are expected to assume is a friend of mine. SOBRIETY CHECKPOINTf - _ AHEAD EMILY HULEN / STAFF ILLUSTRATION The Lexington police wanted to catch a few DUls the night of Buffalo Creek, but instead of putting up a sobriety checkpoint on the road to - ZolIman’s, they did so by the entrance of Hull’s Drive-in Movie Theater, which was showing Vin Diesel in “The Pacifier,” which is, yes, a family feature. What exactly were they thinking?