OCR::/Vol_095_096/WLURG39_RTP_19960329/WLURG39_RTP_19960329_001.2.txt d is V JAMES: i.sv!3i.i.:=.~.« wAsHws.roN 2. LEE Lfixlbfiw, an ex/oo./re’ (D CIHZEI1 KTUDD: Mixed drinks: boon or boomioggle? (9 hi: Etna um Ifllti WASHINGTON AND LEE UNIVERSITY Courtesy of Lesbian Dolphinsglric. Inha1e...exhale Radical PCW leader Greta Von Braun leads demonstrators and others in an exercise to allow them to feel the pain and the anguish of being a lesbian dolphin. Troika denies ad to group LEXINGTON, VIRGINIA MARCH 29, 1996 W&L demonstrates for lesbian dolphins BY LITTLE WElNER Enrroa Warrior for the Politically Correct The Washington and Lee chapter of the Politically Correct Warriors, also known as PCW, held a demonstration on the Front Lawn on Tuesday afternoon in support of saving lesbian baby dolphins. This is the third demon- stration the PCW has held in the last month. “The slaughter of lesbian baby dolphins has been completely ignored by the mainstream press,” said PCW President Owen “Tree-Licker” Labegia-Rodriguez. “Feel their pain, God dammit!” Labegia-Rodriguez, a junior majoring in Feminist Studies, has also led other campus demonstrations calling for the banishment of Western studies and the return of Sexpert Suzi Landolphi. PCW distributed informational literature aimed at raising awareness of the plight of lesbian baby dolphins. According to one mate- rial, Flipper’s wayward daughter, an acknowl- edged homosexual, was caught and drowned in a French fishing net. ~ The French skipper was report_e~d_to have said, “No nukes, no tuna, no'mon'ey — I don’t care which side that dolphin’s bread is buttered on as long as I can spread tuna on that bread.” University officials refused to comment on the group’s message, but did object to the widespread use of mushrooms by the demon- strators. “Why can’t these kids get high in their frat houses,” complained Dean of Greek Affairs Buddy Atkins. “We wouldn’t bust them there — especially if they had a special predisposi— tion for lions.” The crowd began to disperse in the early afternoon, but returned shortly thereafter with kegs of beer plastered with “Buchanan for Presi- dent” bumper stickers. When asked about the seeming contradic- tion, Labegia-Rodriguez informed the media some members of PCW had beat up some Mock Con people on their way to a party and stole their kegs. The main attraction came when the Indigo Girls, a popular folk music duo, traveling through Lexington on way to a gig in Charlottesville, stopped by campus and partici- pated in the demonstration. They played for two hours punctuating their performance with calls for tolerance of minority groups. “I’m not sure I’d sleep with a dolphin, but they should be free to do in their bedrooms what other dolphins do. Wait, dolphins don’t have bedrooms, do they? Well, they can frolic in the coral reefs then. But what if the coral reefs are all extinct...” Indigo Girl Amy Ray pondered. The event was finally broken up after dark when patrolmen from the Lexington Police Department began ticketing those who were carrying open containers. ‘‘I think the event was a success,” said Labegia-Rodriguez. “If we saved just one lesbian baby dolphin today, then it’s all been worth it.” The Troika’s office) NMQ: Oh. Okay. So, ah, why didn’t you BY NELSON M_QU,RKE Chrisford Holewick: What in the holy run it? O _ _ Phi staff writer fuc*ing f*ck do you want? CH: It was inappropriate subject matter. We Flyers appeared Cadaver Society-like across campus this week as The Troika, the quasi- independent leech newspaper of Washington and Lee, was reprimanded by the Washington and Lee Racquetball Union for not running their ad providing information about how to join and participate in the new group. The flyers claim that “The Troika sold our group space for (a somewhat larger version of) this ad in this issue, knowing which organiza- ' tion was purchasing it. At the last moment before going to press, they informed us that they would not run it because of its ‘subject matter.”’ I The reprinted ad contained basic contact information and a logo consisting of pictures of George Washington and Robert E. Lee with the heading, “Washington and Lee Racquetball Union.” This reporter conducted an interview with Chrisford Holewick, one of the co-editors and the business manager of The Troika, yesterday. It is reprinted here in full: Nelson M. Quirke: Hello? (through door of NMQ: Uh...here for the interview? CH: Oh, sorry. What do you want to know? NMQ: Are you going to open the door? CH: What are you now, the f*c*i*g Gestapo? NMQ: Like I said, I’m the reporter. CH: Oh yeah. Sorry. What do you want to know? NMQ: Are you going to open the door, then? CH: This door is not going to be opened! If you have a question, you would be doing your- self a favor if you’d ask it! NMQ: Okay! Why wouldn’t you run the Racquetball Union ad last week? CH: We lost it. Unidentified female voice from inside: lt’s right here! NMQ: Uh, so did you lose it? Unidentified female voice from inside: lt’s right here! (Sounds of a short scuffle.) CH: Yeah, we lost it. NMQ: But the girl just said it was right there. CH: That’s just your paranoid schizophre- nia talking. lost the ad. We don’t have to run anything; we’re independent. It was clearly implying that General Washington and General Lee had been racquetball players. NMQ: Excuse me? CH: Pick one. NMQ: Actually, that was the point of me asking you. CH: Well, tough s*it. NMQ: But how do you mean, it im- plied that Washington and Lee were racquetball players? Why exactly would that worry you? CH: Sure, we should just let them use our paper to imply that our founders were a couple of racquetsuckers. R-A-C—Q-U-E-T-B-A—L-L. Notice anything? Like a ‘Q’? Take my hint, Q- U-I-R-K~E? Now why don’t you just back away from the door? Git. NMQ: Oh, ah...oh. Okay. Just one last question? CH: What, g**dammit? NMQ: What exactly is the air like on your planet? CH: lt’s good old Troika air. Racquetball I ain’t the only thing we don’t like. _.un$eling services; .- 'the.gbehg§vior _. Gop WATCH Editor’s Note: GOP Watch is a regular election. season feature designed to warn you should Pat Buchanan decide to come to town so you can hide your valuables. Buchanan saves U.S. from the Canadians Although Pat Buchanan has absolutely no chance of winning the Republican presidential nomination, he is continuing with his campaign in order to influence the party’s platform. Along with his isolationist economic policies, Buchanan is advocating building a “really big wall” to “keep those damn Canadians” out of the United States as well as the revocation of all driver’s licenses for women. Samoa to leave GOP Pago Pago—After being entirely ignored during the race for the Republican presidential nomination, the Republican Party of American Samoa is threatening to secede and forge its own party. The Republican National Committee responded to this late-breaking development with profuse giggling, smokers and jeers. BEYOND THE BLUE RIDGE After extensive studies, researchers have concluded that the world beyond the Shenandoah Valley no longer exists. The search for more extensive information surround- ing this phenomenon continues. Experts speculate that the cuas could have been anything from a nuclear disas- terto natural selection finally eliminating all but the most perfect members of the human race. Officials do agree however, that, as there is nothing Beyond the Blue Ridge, this column is obsolete. Photo by Elsbeth Von Wasser Flags at hflalf-mast Rebel Confederate forces surrendered to government forces this week in Lee Chapel, admitting they were really just a bunch of old, middle class white people. OCR::/Vol_095_096/WLURG39_RTP_19960329/WLURG39_RTP_19960329_002.2.txt Page 2 w&life REAL LENA P. KRUMPWEILLER PHI SPECIAL FEATURES CORRESPONDENT This is the story of seven students picked to live in a house together. "Real World", MTV’s hit documentary has come to Lexington. They recently revealed that since they couldn’t get the Rock the Vote Van down here for Mock Convention weekend that Lexington would be the site of Real World VI. When MTV announced the new site location and, in addition, the show would include a new change in the fact that all participants would be chosen from the town of Lexington. Auditions were set, and the selection process began. Now you can meet the seven students (and a townie) whose lives you will get to live vicariously for the next six months. First from down-home Georgia, John Davis Jefferson Lee, Junior. He is currently a senior Economics major and his favorite pastimes include drinking beer and listening to Dave, (you know, the guy who sings that Ants marching son . I%)ext we have Mary Lou Virginia from Texas. She is proud of her hometown heritage, and hopes to make it home this year for her coming—out party. This is her second year at W&L, and although her mamma went to Sweet Briar, her father and his father and way back when have all been graduates of the good ole Generals. She is an English major and hopes to someday marry well, practice law. Virginia Military Institute in a landmark Supreme Court decision decided to allow one if its students, Bud “Big” Arms, to live off—campus for the six-month filming process. Bill hopes to enter the Marines as an officer in two years, and is thankful once again that his rat year is over and he can now start bossing around the new recruits. When asked about living with Washington and Lee students, Bud replied, “Wimmen, did you say I will be living with wimmen?” I The Ring-tum Phi, Marcia 29, 1996 John Davis is concerned that “some of the animosity sponsored by them there boys in uniform will cross over to the living conditions, I wouldn’t want to have ta throw no one out.” The fourth roommate actually lives in Rockbridge County He graduated from Rockbridge High in 1984, and is named after his uncle, Bo Duke. His interests include riding around town in his 1979 Dodge pick-up truck with a gun rack on top (no gun) and leering at anything with long hair two legs, and no Adam's apple. “I think all those W&L wimmen are just snobs, nice-looking snobs, but snobs. I don’t know about living with them, but the SEM chick, she should be fun,” said Duke. The SEM chick he is referring to is none other than Elizabeth (Lizze) Lane. She hails from Floyd, Virginia, and after flunking out of community college her parents sent her to the SEM in the hopes that she could marry a Washington and Lee student. “I’m looking forward to living with all those people, ljust can’t imagine what we are going to do about the bathrooms. I have always had my own bathroom and I don’t know what I would do if I had to share one,” said Lane. An exchange student, Jean—Luc Peeair, will be living with them also. His native home is blocks away from the Eiffel Tower and although he is used to living with his...ummm...“friend,” he feels that the small province of Lexington might be a little lonely. The Frenchman notes that “Americans have quite a rugged appeal.” The seventh member of the house is actually a dog. Rex has appeared in such cool commercials as Purina, the better chow, and Kibbles and Bits and Bits. His trainer, a professor of politics at Washington and Lee, feels the exposure he will gain on MTV may launch him into a starring role in a Pauly Shore film. The crew of seven strangers will move into the newly refurbished house on Washington Street at the beginning of September, 1996. MTV crews will spend all summer installing cameras around the house, and crews will be following the students to class, and B0 on his trips to Stop-In. We’ll have to see how the lives of these seven individuals change in the next six months. Inside sources say the Jean—Luc will reveal a painful secret, and John Davis and Rex will become very “close.” Natural Light Beer commercial FLOWER SPRING PHI WRITER Washington and Lee University was chosen as the new location for the filming of the latest Natural Light Beer commercial. The company first heard about Washington and Lee by watching the Mock Convention on C—SPAN. One of the top level advertising executives realized that the strongest supporters of Pat Buchanan were also drinkers of Natural Light, and from the looks of the delegates, heavy drinkers. He felt that the school could perhaps provide the new image Natural Light is looking for. They no longer want to be known as “that cheap beer,” and instead want to cultivate a reputation as a beer of choice among fraternities. Natural Light sent four representatives to “feel” out the possibility of filming a commercial on the campus. The reputation of Washington and Lee’s students as “intellectual” was at first a detriment to the executives, but they soon changed their minds. The advertising executives were swayed by arguments from the IFC council president, who felt that the idea of intellec- tuals could be worked into the new advertising campaign. New slogans--such as, “Drink Natty Light, you’ll be smarter in school, and drunker at night”-- helped to sway the executives’ minds. during Fancy Dress Although the administration was at first reluctant to allow the Washington and Lee name tobe used in conjuction with a major beer label, they soon relented after an anonymous ten million dollar contribution was given to the school. Student reactions vary, but most concur that it is a cool way to advertise beer. Lorilee Snout, a senior, is looking forward to viewing the commercial. “I feel like now when I tell people I go to Washington and Lee the response will be more positive. More along the lines of, 'Ohhhh, the one in the beer commercial."’ The filming took place over Fancy Dress Weekend, and many students are featured as extras in the commercial. Actors were hired for the main parts of Handsome Fraternity Boy #1, and Sexy Hollins Girl. J .D. Lancaster was excited to be cast as Handsome Fraternity Boy #2, and he feels that the role will add much to his resume, not to mention his sex appeal. “I was so excited when they called and told me I would be playing a guy in the commercial who drinks beer, and bobs his head to Dave. It was like a dream come true, and then they said they would pay me with beer, something like 25 free cases. I mean free. Wow.” The commercial will air in May, 1996. The students plan on getting together to watch the beer commercial that will celebrate the spirit of Washington and Lee. In fact, most of the students will be drinking all the free beer provided by Natural Light. After all, it is the beer of choice among college students, and it makes you 7 Lo Spring Break Horosocope O0O0COCOOOOOOAOmEsOOOOOOOOOOOOOO (MAR 2 l To APRIL I 9) Drink of the week: Strawberry Daiquiri. The zodiac's usually very upbeat pepper is at an all time low. This is the week to drink until you forget your name, or at least that significant other's name. You may not make it to tropical love paradise, but sometimes a week of home town loving can cure all your ails. Heck, if you can't find it at home come back for Spring Term TAURUS (APRIL 20 TO MAY 20) Drink of the week: Fuzzy Navel. The hull is in full force, knocking down walls and trampling those too slow to keep up with your fast paced life. Spring break will give you the output for all the restless energy you've been feeling lately. Start early, shotgun those finals and get the hell out of Lexington. Anywhere with a building over five stories high will be enough outlet for you raging personality. GEMINI (MAY 2| To JUNE 2|) Drink of the week: Gin Tonic (and make it a double). Twin's personalities have been pulling in separate directions. But this is the week your social self and responsible studious self come together. It is time to give those books a rest and think about the beauty of spring term, if you are registered for two classes forget it, drop one as soon as you sober up from the week long bender you'll be on. CANCER (JUNE 22 To JULY 22) Drink of the week: Mai Tai. The crab as usual is going at everything sideways, only this time it will pay off. That special someone you've been tailing will finally come around to your side as soon as he/she pulls herself out of the dredges of finals week. In fact find that person and propose a post finals pre spring break celebration in your room. Use some cheesy line and pray that it works. Remem- ber people are weak after high periods of stress. Then head off to break happy as a clam and send them a postcard for Pete's sake. The End of Racism has many logical conclusions to debate ASKIA BARAKA PHI BOOK REvIEwER The debate over the issue of race has continuously been contaminated by lies and illusions, full of name— calling and labeling. Neither side seems to contemplate thoughtfully the ques- tion of race; instead, they hurl epithets with no hope of understanding each other. Dinesh D’Souza has brilliantly cleared away the intellectual manure and paved a new conception of race in his fervently argued book, The End of Racism. In this book, D’Souza knocks down the politically correct theories of racial ideology that have dominated the de- bate. Many historians incorrectly con- clude that slavery was a racist institu- tion. He points out that slavery occurred throughout human history-even in Greece and Rome. In fact, Africans owned slaves. In all three cases, how- ever, slaves maintained some human- ity and eventually became a part of that particular community or tribe. Still, slavery existed. Why is sla- very in the Americas, especially in the South, always condemned as some- thing unique? Sure, in the Americas, the slaves happened to be black, but D’Souza notes that this was because of economics, not race. Besides, there was a tremendous free black population, and some blacks owned slaves so how could it be racist? Nor does it help matters that most black slaveowners only purchased their relatives because they did not have the money to free them and did not want to risk them from going down South. He also attacks the absurd notion that segregation and Jim Crow hurt African-Americans and were inherently racist. D’Souza accurately points out that these laws were set up to help blacks. Blacks had neither the educa- tion nor the mental fortitude to survive in a white patriarchal capitalistic soci- ety. Besides, segregation served as a way for blacks to operate in America without antagonizing the white popu- lation with its presence. It served as a sensible solution to the race problem, and blacks and whites enjoyed an incredible intimacy. Black women working in the white man’s kitchen bonded with the white women they worked for. They laughed and cried together while the black women cleaned the toilets of the white women. Things simply fell apart, D’Souza argues, when Martin Luther King, Jr., and other black activists fought for their rights as American citizens. Of course, blacks had a moral high ground in the argument, but they went too far in passing the Civil Rights Act of 1964 and the Voting Rights Act of 1965. Both laws had the effect of vio- lating the 10th amendment of the Bill of Rights in the U.S. Constitution that guarantees states’ rights. Massive re- sistance after the horrible Brown v. Board of Education was a reasonable protest against the federal govemment’s intrusion on the states’ rights to govern themselves. Separate butequal worked, and ever since segregation has ended, blacks have not progressed but regressed. Since the Civil Rights Movement, wel- fare, crime, illegitimacy, single-mother households-all of these things have increased, and blacks’ position in this country has not improved. D’Souza, with an impressive cata- log of evidence, proves that black peoples’ problems in this country are not the cause of racism. America has not been racist, and liberals’ conten- tion that it is only hurts black people- not help them. Blacks must realize that it is their culture that is the problem and not their race. Black culture implicitly approves ofviolence, rampant sexuality, illegiti- macy, and dependence on welfare. In other words, black culture has at its base a number of pathologies like jazz that cause these problems. Liberal arguments about discrimi- nation and racism are based on hog- wash. None of these arguments ex- plain why Asian Americans and other immigrants have surpassed blacks in gettingjobs and owning businesses. Of course, the majority of CEO’s in this country are white males, but that is besides the point. Europeans knew what they were talkingaboutwhenthey cameintocon- tact with Africans. They were simply reacting to the primitive cultures of these dark-skinned peoples. How would you react if you came into contact with a people who had politically sophisti- cated civilizations such as the Asante Empire, Mali, Songhay, Ghana and others? Obviously, these people had inferior religions compared to the Eu- ropean conception of God. And they seemed to these whites, coming from a Victorian perspective, to act like apes or uglier animals. More importantly, Africans certainly could not win any contest when compared to Western Civilization. Only Western Civilization had the intellectual and technological prowess to contribute literature and philosophy while at the same time making con- quests of Africa, Asia, and Latin- America. It was only fitting that Eu- rope share its gifts of civilization to these continents, forcing Christianity on these peoples of color and disempowering their political and eco- nomic systems. Furthermore, D’Souza argues quite persuasively that rational discrimina- tion is justified. Of course, white women should be afraid of black men, despite the fact that the majority of crimes committed against white people are committed by white people. It makes sense even if it goes against every concept of American democracy. In the end, D’Souza writes exquis- itely with prose that makes the heart sing with each elongated sentence. He provides us with a refreshing perspec- tive of race in America that goes be- yond emotion. Instead, he approaches the subject from an ahistorical, rea- soned voice that convinces me that the problem of black people in this country is that they have clung to their black identity. As he argues, black people need to discard their savage black cul- ture and embrace the civilizing notions of white culture. Only then will blacks achieve the American dream. F LEO (JULY 23 To AUGUST 22) Drink of the week: Sloe Comfortable Screw Up Against a Wall. After a depressing dreary winter, spring has finally arrived. Your life has been on the up since Fancy Dress weekend. Take advantage of your friends, they know what is best for you. Besides when all else fails, they will waste hours and hours drinking with you. Spring break may not be tropical for you, but Spring Term will bring you together with one cool tropical fish. Lion and Pisces go together like. ummrnwell .you get the picture. VIRGO (AUGUST 23 TO SEPTEMBER 22) Drink of the week: Martini, shaken not stirred. Mercury is feeling a little daring, a little adventurous. This is the week to try something new, dance naked under a virgin moon, or better yet, spend all the money you don't have on things you will never need. The usually uptight Mercury will break loose this week, enjoy, and don't take any pictures you might regret in the morning. LIBRA (SEPTEMBER 23 TO OCTOBER 2 2) Drink of the week: Tom Collins. It is your week to cool down, you have been boiling over all term, and what you need to do now is calm down. You must break up with that person you've been seeing, they are cheating on you, cheating on you more than once if they are a Scorpio. So go away find someone new, someone fresh, enjoy not knowing their last name. SCORPIO (OCTOBER 23 TO NOVEMBER 2 I ) Drink of the week: Rum, any shape any form. Forget moderation, you really need to break out, become your evil twin, let loose all those morals you've kept so tightly constrained all this time. Definitely do not go home this week you do not want to be anywhere near your parents, or anywhere near any parental life forms. SAGITTARIUS (NovEMBER 22 To DECEMBER 2 I) Drink of the week: Flaming Dr. Pepper. Hot! Hot! Hot! Anything you touch is going to burst into a fiery passion this week. Only be careful, most likely any random one night stands will result in a fatal attraction situation. Avoid anyone with long fingernails, knife collections, Harleys, or multi-colored hair. Not only is that trouble but pure stupidity. And whatever happens never give your ral name think up cool a cool alias CAPRICORN (DECEMBER 2 2 TO JANUARY I 9) Drink of the week: Water. Sorry to put out your flames, but you can't handle any alcohol this week. Since you will be drinking all of finals week (Whiskey Sours) You'll need to be sober enough to talk your way out of serious punishment for flunking the entire winter term. If you do manage to escape wrath, drink in the closet, only don't get caughtl AA meetings are not that fun. AQUARIUS (JANUARY 20 To FEBRUARY l 8) Drink of the week: Sex on the Beach. Go tropical, you must get out of the cold dull spring of Lexington and into the tropical paradise of Florida, think Ft. Lauderdale. Don't worry , that psycho chick who has been bothering you will be run over by a Mack truck in the very near future. I am not saying she will die, just live out a horribly painful existence as the new "Large Marge" While you on the other hand will meet a lovely beautiful person in a skimpy bathing suit (speedo or string) and fall madly and hopelessly in lust for the week, just don't ask them to speak. PISCES (FEBRUARY I 9 To MARCH 20) Drink of the week: Beer. The fish has been flying high for the past couple of weeks, and the trend will only continue with break. Take it easy, kick back enjoy the sun, get a tan. Don't worry about finding that special someone, what you have going on right now is as close to perfection as you've been able to find all year. After all those crazy twilight episodes you've been living, you need to take this week easy. Read books on the beach build sand castles, laugh. Life is kexcellent, and it isn't getting any better. 4 OCR::/Vol_095_096/WLURG39_RTP_19960329/WLURG39_RTP_19960329_003.2.txt PAGE 3 @112 iking-tum lfllti The Student Voice of Washington and Lee Founded September 18, 1897 V Our favorite Phi quotes “We could use a little sexual harassment in this place.” —Dan Odenwald, warrior for the Politically Correct Emily: Do you guys want to hear the worst thing I did? Betsy: Does it involve a boy? Emily: A baby boy. Christine: If you’ll excuse me, I have to push an editorial page editor out of the window. Michael: No! Wait! I need him! “You can always get more from a chick face to face.” —Darcey Dan: Do you know what pyromania means? Christine: FUN! _ “I read Betsy and I read Rich Weaver. Not because it’s funny, just because I do.” -—Hillary, who better hope she still has some columnists next week “I like stretch class. You just sit there on the floor for an hour. And sometimes you move your legs around. But I do that in bed anyway...” —Dan Odenwald, warrior for moving his legs around “He owes me $40. No, no, I mean for the night I went out and bought the Polaroid.” -—Emily, star of the stage and screen “I’m just a cheese person. I’m a boring guy.” —Keith Grant, W&L ’95 and boring guy Dan: Nobody’s allowed to play with my hair because I’m trying to train it. Christine: Are you going to lay down paperon the floor for it too? “I didn’t quite want him. I want songs from him. I want songs, not sex.” —Emily, music fan “I just get the fu*kers done and forget about it.” ——Anne, dedicated Advertising Composition - Artist " : Christine: That’s what the news editor does—— _t she sits in Dan’s lap. Anne: That’s why I quit. _ “One. Two. Three. Four. Get your road 3 cheese on the floor.” —Alex, getting in the Coolio } mood " : v E @112 itting-tum lflhi Executive Editors Puck ’' Associate Editor Rachel News Editor Mnhamrned Editorial Page Fdilnr Corie Sports Editor Pam Assistant Sports Editor Judd ‘ Features Editor Pedro, Cher Horowitz Photography Editor Dion from Silverspoon Editorial Cartoonists Elton, Al Roker Business Manager I-Iugh Jass Assistant Business Manager Iran-Luc Piquard ,4 Advertising Manager Jeff Shaw Advertisement Composition Artist I-‘Isa Klensch The Ring-tum Phi is published Fridays during the undergraduate school year at Washington and Lee University, Lexington, Virginia. Funding for The Ring-tum Phi H contes primarily from advertising and subscription revenues. The Washington and Lee Publications Board elects the executive editor and business manager, but The Ring-tum Phi is otherwise independent. Letters and other submissions must be in the Phi office, roont 208 of the University Center, by noon on Tuesday to appear in that week's edition. Letters, columns, and “My 47 Views” do not reflect the opinions of The Ring-rum Phi Editorial Board. Advertising does not reflect the opinions of The Ring-tum Phi or its staff. This newspaper observes current court definitions of libel and obscenity. The Ring-tum Phi 7 Post Office Box 899 Lexington, Virginia 24450 Telephone (540)462-4059 Fax (540) 462-4060 E-mail phi@wlu.edu OPINION GI:ulnA'rron Lax The Ring-tum Phi, March 31, 1996 .‘ 4 -‘\I\'§.‘.*,:u \ 3 g. s F. . Pteswenlr ELROP. ms UNION ms 1'09. 5&6 ME‘ HERE To sEE t-bu. I’ll show you mine if you show me... GREEN LAND Betsy Green The Phi office. Thursday night. Richard Weaver, who describes him- self asastarof stage, television, music, screen, and paper joined me and a couple bottles of Andre, the official champagne of humor columnists try- ing to interview each other. Me: What’s in your CD player? RW: The Jacksons’ Victory al- bum, Tina Tumer’s What ’s Love Got toDo with It, Willie Nelson’s Greatest Hits, David Hasselhoff, and Dave Matthews. Me: I think that’s a graduation requirement. Speaking of which, what PE class was your favorite? RW: Ice skating, with the evil nymph Millie. That woman... her fa- vorite expression was, “You kids are crap. You make me work. You come out here, you skate like an idiot, I’ve been out here all day. My feet hurt, etc... ” Millie’s a bitter woman. Me: She may have a point, though. RW: I can definitely understand about her feet hurting. Me: Those skates can’t be comfort- able. So, urn, what’s your footwear of choice? (Swigs some Andre) RW: Black boots, like the kind Johnny Cash wears. While drinking bourbon and singing about women who’ve dumped him. Me: What, are you gonna cry? RW: NO. Shut up. Me: So, urn you’re a senior. What was your best W&L experience? RW: When I met Selma, the Queen of Sweet Briar. Me: Tell the people about Selma. RW: It’s a little-known fact that her actual name is J_en. We call her Selma because it saves us time when people want to know what her name is and where she’s from. She has her own BMW, pearl party jewelry, a pewter flask, and a I-Iollins sweatshirt that she wears as a disguise. Me: Sounds like a hell of a woman. I think the two of you would be very happy together. RW: Selma can scream the lyrics to “Sweet Home Alabama” louder than any band playing it, so we would prob- ably have really loud children. Woo- Hooo! Me: What’s the best thing about living in Lexington? RW: The local economy exists on the fines from arresting students and then towing theircars. Makes me want to be mayor. Me: So, did Coolio kick your ass? I would have kicked your as if I were Coolio. RW: When I had my picture taken with him, he kind of glared at me, but I think he was just blinded by my whiteness. Me: Do you feel you have more rhythm than the average W&L stu- dent? RW: Yes. You can’t listen to Whitney Houston without wanting to dance, dance, dance. Me: So what did you think of my brother from Harvard when he came to visit? RW: I was impressed that he wanted to meet me and Paducah Joe Framptom. Me: Um, he was just being polite. RW: Oh, about Paducah Joe? Me: Okay. So, what J acksons’ song best sums up your life? RW: “You’re Gonna Get Rocked” by La Toya Jackson, because she re- ally means it. Me: Matching your own sincerity. So, I know you’re a material boy and like it when you get merchandise from various W&L and road school events. What’s the best merchadise you ever got? RW: I got a plastic laurel from a Hollins formal that made me look like Ceaser when I wore it. » Me: Who is your favorite Triden columnist? RW: I don’t want to get into that. I feel I now have a certain detente with the Trident reminiscent of Soviet- American relations in the late 1970’s. Me: I guess that about wraps things up. Wannna go smash these empty bottles against the Trident office? RW: Shut up, let’s not ruin a good thing. DREAM LAND Richard Weaver She’s the chick in the flak jacket with the camera you see on campus: Betsy Green. An inhabitor of local coffee shops, Betsy makes no secret of her affections. In the past year she’s picked out Christmas gifts for people she hates, discussed Barbie, and pro- posed that we use old Mock Con deco- ration for FD. Now she is interviewed by the man who’s typing this: Richard Weaver. Q: So, I hear coffee causes cancer... A: Actually, a study has shown that women who drink two or more cups of coffee a day are considerably less likely to commit suicide; I’ve been told that’s because they can’t hold the gun steady. Regardless, I drink mine black, like my soul. Q: What’s in your CD player now? A: Alanis Morrissette; she’s so an- gry. Also, the Velvet Underground box set, because I like to listen to the song “Heroin” before I go to class every morning. It inspires me. Q: You can help with questions, too. What should I ask you? A: Maybe you should drink some more champagne. Q: So, I understand you’re living in sin... A: That is true. I won’t deny that. This summer whenever I was living in sin in Seattle, my fellow sinner, Steve, and I walked by a religious guy giving out pamphlets. We wanted to come up to him and ask ‘We’re living in sin, and we wondered what you would think about that?’ Q: What about Washington and Lee would you change? A: 8 a.m. classes should really be 8 p.m. classes, and Fucking Zollman’s would be banned. Q: Have you had a bad Zollman’s experience? Did you not bring your own toilet paper? A: I always bring my own toilet paper, but I think a Fucking ZolIman’s experience is by definition bad. I al- ways end up thinking I could be at home having a bad time, and then I wouldn’t have to worry about getting a ride home. Q: So, the Subaru you drive is a real machine, huh? A: I would highly recommend the 1985 Subaru GL to anyone. lt’s red, it has a tape deck, it gets kick-ass gas mileage, and it makes that cool grind- ing sound when you accelerate. Subaru: It’s what to drive. Q: Kind of like “Beef: It’s what’s for dinner.” A: I like beef because it’s high in fat and I like to live dangerously. Q: Who is your favorite road school , girl? A: I have several: Ashley from Hollins, because she frightened Lamar Villere with the simple words “I’m from Hollins;” Jen from Randolph- Macon because she’s actually married and she brings her husband to parties, Selma from Sweet Briar, ’nuff said; and Patrick from Sem, because he’s not actually a girl. Q: How did you meet Patrick? A: We work together at the coffee shop. At first I thought of him as Generation X boy; now I think of him as a friend, even if he doesn’t have his own horse like most of the girls at Sem. Q: What’s your favorite Jim Carrey movie? A: Dumb and Dumber shows some moments of true wit. The only thing that would make it better was full fron- tal nudity. Q: What’s your advice for future Phi humor columnists once I am gone? A: Don’t piss me off. Richard: She has more to say. My new pathetic attempt at self-parody THE FAR MIDDLE Alex Christensen Okay, funny boy, be funny! Oh, geez, did I just say that in front of my reading audience? Damn microphones. So anyway, I know that parody relies on “buying into the concept” of a parody issue, but it seems that for these last two I’ve written for, I’m just in too bad a mood to play along. Sol invite you inside my head as I prepare the stunning and brilliant self-parody for the April Fool’s issue. So——-to parody myself—I need to come up with some sort of theoretical construct of exactly what tendencies I tend to overexaggerate, or that could be overexaggerated to comic effect, in my regular writ- ing. The problem I’m having is that I try to be funny anyway, in my usual column, and I really straddle that thin line between good taste and Don Imus (see, a little wry joke slipped in there in the supposedly unfunny part of my column: this will very likely be the trend throughout this article). (I mean, as op- posed to a funny idea that might overarch the entire column.) Except, inventing this construct would be very boring. I just won’t do it. Okay, I’m bored of that part now, too, so what I’m going to do is do what I did last year, which is to start a bunch of possible parody columns that I don’t want to write but might get a good idea for, then when I get bored, move on to the next one. Or, like, I might just insult people. A snappy name for this would be “quick shots.” If I were going to come up with a snappy name for it. PARODY START #1: I have worked really late in the Robinson computer lab exactly twice in my entire career, and both times I became suspicious at hearing odd hooting noises below. Stealthily creep- ing onto the Colonnade, I found, both times, a bunch of guys in ski masks putting up Cadaver Society (C John Donne said, “Tb write threescore: this is the sec- ond of our raigne.” And Bruce Springsteen, “The Boss,” said, “You ain’t a beauty, but hey, you’re all right.” What does this have to do with anything ? you may ask. Nothing really, but if I were going to write an inco- herent eleven-part letter to The Thident, I would prob- ably start it like that. posters with duct tape. “Helllllooooo!” they hoot. “How are yoooouuuu?” “Fine, how are yoooouuuu?” This raises several questions: (1) Are these guys following me?, (2) Wouldn’t Scotch or masking tape cause less damage to the paint job?, (3) Why the hooting? Is it part of the ancient tradition, or just good-natured fun?, and (3a) Could this hooting pos- sibly be pitched out of the hearing range of Security, like a dog whistle? We may never know the answers to these questions.... PARODY START #2: John Donne said, “To write threescore: this is the second of our raigne.” And Bruce Springsteen, “The Boss,” said, “You ain’t a beauty, but hey, you’re all right.” What does this have to do with anything? you may ask. Nothing really, but if I were going to write an incoherent eleven-part letter to The Trident, I would probably start it like that. To make it more incoherent, I mean. Then I would start a campus-wide search for hy- phens, the great destroyers of our culture. Damn, there’s one in that last sentencel... PARODY START #3: Well, I’ve done my best to be involved here at Washington and Lee. I audi- tioned for the spring play, I ran for EC vice president, I applied forA riel editor. Is it three strikes and you’re out? Well, I fooled you then, because I’ve had many more strikes than three! Ha! Ha! Ain’t we got fun! I’m still not down forthe count. But I do seem to have a bit of trouble playing nice in groups. It’s not that I wasn’t polite and friendly and great through all my various recent rejections, and it’s not even that I think any of them should have turned out differently, but somehow there is a perception out there that I’m a bit unstable, maybe flighty or combative. I want to put that to rest right now. lt’sjust not true. l’ll fight anybody who says different. Wait, scratch that, what was I thinking?... All right, all right, so I can’t write a great parody column with a straight face! So sue me! At least I don’t work for the campus weekly that hates women. OCR::/Vol_095_096/WLURG39_RTP_19960329/WLURG39_RTP_19960329_004.2.txt Last Week: ' ' * ° This Week I 2 mg-tum I - B - s . Les 1 , ; . ‘- BAB3BAu- W. 10-7. at-Mlanta: W. 24-20. at Colorado N&.s::;:az- S: RCiiggi:sG«:i)t3i)s1rur:?30aAii8ame'8PM V Mlurcnossz W, 22-3, vs. Gettysburg WLACROB8E- Sat. vs. Parry Mccluer at Glasgow, 4:30AM M'l'r:NNia - Beat Andre Agassi, Boris Becker, and Pete Sampras M'l‘r.i~mis - Mon. at US. Open, 10 AM W'l‘:NNia - Beat Steffi Graf, Monica Seles. and Chris Evert W'I‘:NNis - Tues. at Wimbledon, 2 PM Gouv - Tommy Dudley shot. a 59 at The Masters G0‘-F ' Thu|'S- 81 PGA Championship. 11 AM Tiucir - Wed. at Boston Marathon, 9 AM PAGE 4 BASEBALL, LACROSSE, TENNIS, GOLF, TRACKAND FIELD MARCH 29, 1996 Schaeffer jogs on Maury By DAVE JUSTICE Phi Sports Scapegoat Jesus is no longer the only person who can walk on water. Witnesses claim that senior cross country and track legend Josephine Schaeffer dashed across the Maury River Wednes- day. Schaefferacknowledged her feat but downplayed it. “lt’s really not that big of a deal,” she said. “It just kind of happened.” Schaeffer, the W&L female Athlete of the Decade, had been jogging on the Woods Creek Trail Wednesday afternoon when she arrived at the Maury River. Rather than turn around or take the Route 11 bridge across the river, she kept running. “lt’s been bothering me since that other bridge had collapsed, which made it more difficult to cross the river,” Schaeffer said. Besides, it was a warm day and I didn’t really mind getting wet.” But Schaeffer never did get wet, according to a Lexington resident and a W&L freshman, who were fishingalongthe bank. “Ya’ll should’ve seen that,” the resident said. “That girl’s amazing! She had the power of Jesus in her! I nearly dropped my ol’ rod here from the whole thing.” The W&L student was in a similar state of shock. “Damn,wasthatsomething!” he said. “I thought a big fish jumped out there in the river, but when I went to cast my rod, 1 saw it was a girl. Man, I’ve gotta lay off the JD for a while. I must be seeing things.” The freshman wished to re- main anonymous in the event that his fraternity brothers could find out and force him to repeat Schaeffer’s feat. Schaeffer jogged on top of the Maury for its entire width before deciding to return on Route 11. There was no word on whether Schaeffer parted the river as she ran across. Head women’s track coach John Tucker did not appear stunned by Schaeffer’s feat. “I know she’s capable of do- ing things like that,” Tucker said. “That isn’t the first superhuman thing Josephine has done.” Indeed it is not. She has smashed just about every dis- tance record that exists, and re- cently qualified for the NCAA Outdoor Championships with a meet record time in the 10,000 meters, which is slightly longer than the distance across the Maury River. Schaeffer is also a force in the classroom and is the head RA in Gaines Hall. Her next-door neighbor, Phi Sports Editor Scott Bookwalter, said he was pleased to learn that a superhuman was living next to him, at least while he was still living. “That’s cool,” he said. “Maybe she can magically stop my suitemate from playing the same taped songs over and over again.” Schaeffer refused to accept her immortal status and the in- evitable comparisons with Jesus. “It really didn’t deserve this much attention,” she said. “I’m sure anybody could walk or run across a river if they really tried. I just felt like doing something different, that’s all.” Tucker said he has no plans to hold women’s track practice on the Maury from now on, since somebody may fall in. Schaeffer said she would re- frain from jogging the Maury in the near future. “I wouldn’t want people try- ing this at home, because they might not make it,” she said. “And ifa VMI guy saw me doing this while he was jogging, he might try it too.” - shortly after midnight on March Photo by Jeff Fishbein, T Sprting News Wow! Allen Iverson actually CAN pass the ball. By THE Bro SLEEP-DEPRIVED FAN Phi Deceased Sports Editor Yes, back by popular demand is the Second Annual Bookwalter Dream Sequence. The title in itself is ironic enough, because I NEVER dream. Well, I used to, but that was before I came to college and got four hours of sleep every night. This year’s dream sequence was scheduled to be a baseball game, but it was canceled due to poor field conditions at W&L’s Ham Smith Field. So it was moved inside to the John Warner Center for a basketball game tipping off at 2:30 AM, which of course is when I’d be awake to write about it. Don’t worry if you missed it. Only two students showed up, one of which has passed out. R.D. Clark and Baner were the officials and Keith Grant, the former “Voice of the Generals” who loves Metro Lex so much that he can’t leave it, was at the mike, while Bob Ryan was covering the game for the Boston Globe. A team of Washington area sports players, coming off of last year’s thrilling 28-27 defeat, hoped for better luck this year. It started Othella Harrington at power forward, Dennis Rodman at small forward, Gheorghe Muresan at center, Allen Iverson at point guard, and Chris Webber at shooting guard. Bob Knight and John Thompson split the coaching duties. Their opposition, the W&L All-Stars, countered with George Clinton at power forward, Coolio at small forward, Bob Dole at center, W&L President Suzi Landolphi at point guard, and Dave Matthews at shooting guard. Kevin Moore handled the coaching and Weird Al Yankovic assisted him. It was clear from the beginning that Moore’s uptempo system was finally working. W&L was running and gunning like Loyola Marymount, circa 1990. Clinton and Coolio repeatedly dunked and Matthews nailed a couple threes. Iverson scored the first 15 points for Washington, who trailed 20-15 with 15:49 left in the first half. With W&L up 27-24, disaster struck for Washington. Webber, who had started the game 0-7 from the field and 1-6 from the line, left with an injury and was replaced by Heath Shuler. W&L promptly went on a 12-2 run, punctuated by an alley-oop pass from Landolphi, who was standing on her head, to Dole, who power dunked it over Harrington. Rodman had grabbed 17 rebounds by the midway mark of the first half, but things kept getting worse for Washington. For the third straight time, Coolio slammed over Muresan, with the final one putting W&L in front, 54-34. “Get the f— off my stage!” Coolio screamed at Muresan. Muresan had taken enough abuse in last year’s game and wasn’t about to tolerate an encore performance. He decked Coolio, tied his hair in a knot, and stuffed him in the basket. “I’ll show you who the gangsta is in this paradise!” Muresan bellowed. Clark ejected Muresan and tried getting Lexington Towing to haul him away, but Gheorghe balked, saying he was going to start filming the movie he is starring in. Boubacar Aw replaced him. Derek Carter replaced Coolio and picked up four quick fouls, but he soon recovered to drain four straight 3-pointers as W&L bol- stered its lead to 70-47 with 3:17 left. Iverson went on a 16-7 run for Washington, which closed to 77- 63 by halftime. Iverson led all scorers with 51 points in the half and Rodman grabbed 28 rebounds. Turmoil reigned in the W&L locker room at halftime. Dole nominated Clinton to be his vice president, and the two left the game to begin campaigning. “Now the real Clinton’s gonna be in the White House,” George said. W&L professor of politics Newt Gingrich had no comment on the nomination of Clinton. Meanwhile, Landolphi left to inspect the condom machines around campus and Matthews, who was supposed to provide half- Late night at the John Warner Center time entertainment, was instead watching ants marching over in the Gaines courtyard. The coaching situation was no better. Moore finally became tired of Yankovic, who was attired in black and was churning butter while Moore was trying to give a chalk talk. “If you think you’re so great, than YOU coach,” Moore yelled, and walked out. Yankovic didn’t think he was so great and decided he would rather erect a barn instead, so he also departed. Out of options, W&L called up associate guru of journalism Brian Richardson, and his sidekick, Lexington/Buena Vista/Glasgow police chief L.B. “Skeet” Thrasher to coach. Richardson immediately confiscated W&L’s playbooks and handed them AP Stylebooks instead. Over in the Washington locker room, the team was grousing about Iverson, who had no assists thus far. The second half began with Washington starting Harrington, Rodman, Aw, Iverson, and Shuler. With their starting five gone, W&L sent out Carter, Cam Dyer, Shaquille O’Neal, and Buena Vista residents Bo and Luke Duke. The Dukes didn’t last too long. After each made two baskets, Lexington Mayor J .D. “Boss” Hogg and Rockbridge County Sheriff Roscoe sauntered into the Warner Center and spotted Bo and Luke. “That’s them Duke boys,” Roscoe pointed out. “Oooh, Boss, I got ‘em this time! I’m gonna git them Duke boysl” Before his death, the editor found a very old fi photo. No, that’s not Green Bay in the picture. Sports editor dies “This is a victory for the athletic department,” stated By THE RACQUETBALL WIZARD Phi Staff Cool Guy McKinley. R,',,g_,u,,, phi Sports editor Hull was unavailable for Scott Bookwalterwastragically Commem _ killed last week by enraged Th°a”eS““g°ffi°°rrF-W- Smith, is also the one who found Bookwalter’s body. Officer Smith reported that Bookwalter was found laying on the 50-yard line of Wilson Field, dressed in a tutu, and with pee-wee shoulder pads wrapped around his neck. Bookwalter was moaning faintly, his face was a dark shade of blue, and there was a sign taped to him that said: “Who’s the big fan now?” “In all my years on this police force, I have never seen such a sight,” said an aston- ished Smith. UVA doctors said that suf- focation from the shoulder pads caused the death. “He had it coming to him,” said McKinley. “Which sea- son did he think this was? There are pictures from years ago, with my name on them. I couldn’t take it anymore.” Thethree players willhave their court date on April 1. All are being advised to plead that Bookwalter was insane. membersofthewashingtonand Lee football team. Bookwalter’s body was found on the football field 20. He was taken to Stonewall Jackson and subsequently air- lifted to Charlottesville. Unfor- tunately, the UVA doctors were unable to save him. He was pronounced DOA at 12:40 AM. The Lexington Police De- partment has arrested several people in connection with the murder: football defensive line- man Robert Hull, sophomore offensive lineman Stefan Neumeister, and sophomore running back Seth McKinley. Professors of journalism Ham Smith, Ed Yoder, and Brian Richardson were also sus- pected in Bookwalter’s death, but have not yet been arrested. “We weren’t very happy with the coverage he gave us, and when we sawwhat he did to those other teams...we couldn’t take it anymore,” said Neumeister in his deposition. was running circles around the fatigued W&L team. Carter drilled a three and Komegay and Dyer converted back-to- back 360 dunks to give W&L a 135-124 advantage, but Iverson swished two more threes to make it 135-130 with 4:01 left. Coffman missed a jumper and Iverson, with 97 points and pumping his arms in . the air, poised himself for 100. He never got the chance because Komegay cold-cocked him at midcourt. “It was about time somebody did it,” Chuck said. “I wasn’t about to let him score 100, not on our defense.” Despite his sacrifice to the team, Komegay was ejected and Darvin Ham entered for the first time. At this point, the four Washington players returned with Iverson now out. Marion Barry took over for Iverson at the point. Washington continued its comeback even with Barry at point guard. Barry, high on crack, raced around like Iverson, draining jumpers right and left. Washington closed to 141-140 with two ‘- minutes left, and it seemed like there was no stopping them. Aw and Harrington each made layups to give Washington its first lead of the game at 144-141. Shaq made a layup, but Shuler hit one of two free throws to make it 145-143 with 58 seconds left. Richardson called a timeout. “You told me you would win this game,” he said. “Ifyou don’t, I’m going to give you all fact errors.” Spurred on by this impassioned speech, W&L worked the ball to Carter, who drained a 3 with 37 seconds left. Roscoe ran across the court after them, shoving Iverson to the floor en route. Roscoe chased them outside as the Dukes headed for the General Lee. “At least we don’t have to worry about them towing our car in this town,” Luke said. Chuck Komegay and Jon Coffman replaced the Duke boys, but it was Washington which was con- tinuing to have problems. It trailed 98-90 with 15:22 remaining, and Dyer was having a field day scoring over forwards Aw and Rodman. Rodman, who had 42 rebounds but still hadn’t attempted a shot, finally lost his cool and violently checked Dyer. Baner signalled a flagrant foul. “That was no * !#@$ flagrant foul, you * !#@$!” Rodman screamed. Baner began motioning for an ejection, but Knight saved him the trouble by hurling a chair at Rodman. Dennis, even more incensed, threw a water cooler, his jersey, a bench, two basketballs, and the scorer’s table at Knight. Baner immediately gave Rodman hours scrubbing the D-hall floor, which Rodman loudly protested. “If you don’t shut up, I’ll make one of the fraternities put you on clean-up,” Baner warned. Dennis shut up and left. Gus Frerotte, who had been openly fighting with Shuler over a starting position, finally got his wish as he replaced Rodman. By this time, the entire Photo by Joel Richardson, The Washington Post Darvin Ham. Do you want to mess with him? entered the lineup. “Oh no!” screamed Grant, who finally looked up from the book he was writing. Sure enough, Barry passed to Laettner, line with 6.2 seconds left. Dyer quickly passed are. With time running out, a confused Shaq heaved up a 3. It found nothing but net, but lo and behold, Barry, with his high starting to wear off, hacked him with 2.2 seconds left. Shaq, a 92% free throw shooter, calmly stepped to the line and bricked the first. He airballed the second. Finally, the third shot rolled around the rim and dropped through, tying it at 147. From the inbounds line, Shuler tried to heave it to Laettner, but the pass was inter- cepted by Coffman. In the same motion, Jon flung it up near the basket, where Ham was hovering. Darvin caught the ball in midair, and as the buzzer sounded, he jammed the ball through with everything he had. SMASHH Glass shards and supports went flying everywhere. Ham ripped the rim off, hung it over his neck, and headed off to East Washington team was at war. Harrington, Aw, and Iverson all fought for control of the ball on every inbounds play. Iverson still had no assists for the game and Harrington had not touched the ball the entire second half. Finally, at the 10:05 mark, with Washington trailing 116-101, Harrington, Aw, Frerotte, and Shuler walked off the court. “You may as well play yourself,” Harrington said. “You’re the only one getting a chance to play.” “Good riddancel” Iverson retorted. W&L couldn’t believe its luck getting to play against a one-man team, but yet they began blowing their lead. Iverson, free from worrying aboutrunninginto his ownteammates,beganlightingitup. He sank 3-pointers from halfcourt and was all over the floor on defense. W&L, startled by lverson’s superhuman play, began miss- ing easy baskets and Shaq bricked several dunks. By the 7:43 mark, the W&L lead had decreased to 124-114. Iverson now had 81 points and appeared to be getting stronger as he Lex to celebrate. W&L had prevailed, 149-147. Knight failed to show for the post-game press conference. He was later seen cussing out a clerk at the Buena Vista Stop-In / Burger King/ Baskin Robbins megaplex. Although he was not allowed into the building, associate professor of Spanish Pat Buchanan said he enjoyed the game. Dave Matthews wasn’t so sure. When reached for comment at a concert in Charlottesville, Matthews said, “I don’t know. What would you say?” Richardson would not comment on the record but said off the record, “Those guys [Washington] are a bunch of losers. I bet they don’t even know how to write a lead. And that lverson’s a runt, too.” Harrington, Komegay, and Shaq felt like doing something after the game, but at 5 a.m., not many places were open. Except one. “Hey, why don’t we go over to the Phi office and finish laying out the sports page?” Komegay asked. Good idea. if ‘Ive_rs_o_n'_ ’{>'et_ter_ not ‘etite‘r_2 met:-;. ‘this-year.‘ _in’the'==j pQin(._guards'._a;‘g’3¢(~g.i.;Ee.. W&Lwas back in front, 146-145. ButWash- ington called time, and Christian Laettner 1 who hit a turnaround jumper from the foul ; it to Shaq, but Shaq-Fu was still behind the I __ Tina BIG FAN V I ‘*1?-Y, JOHNNY 0, , GENBRALS FAN!! W; vhighlightsjy at Patric T '3; Michae!.;.J6rdan;' ‘~‘1any.,Krystokowiak dunkin over the Bullets. Or the Pen ‘ djkescri t.3 P-- eaI:Big-:F2.mr .. _ kwa1ter,_ asked-(me. if in my honor, so he :'thoughi'it was only fair that I. get to write a column. he in IL“: .1’? , ntgway too _much}time _Well it '-.;)3i:As ‘ for Georgetown» NB: apposed topass the 5211 Geéxgw _ Ome. .PI‘i*Y° ‘Si ‘W hi’ fits 1 Proilriuntfé? T 131:1 ck of . always ‘ -sayii »'-Mahmoud Abdul~Raufs. V itheyfre not that greateither. ».:<$firi’th°‘Reéskins?_ 'Ihey"'re s:hope1e$., They can’t even V _us_:?*mrone iitiarter ther one. 2 like alijof you. lgraduated casting job. So where do I end up? In this damn HTS surrounding me. -station? It’s not iike they show ESPN and CNN too. l’m getting sick and tired of having to lie to keep my job. People think I’m happy all the time, but I’m really not. Would you be if you Ymstartingto like thisooi- uinn. This is the first time I’ve ever gotten to bash my employers, and it feels pretty damn good. Now that the sports editor is dead, maybe 1 page permanently each week. W&L would admit me, wouldn’t it? I promise i’ll. never steal any mushrooms ms or the administration. i’ll even avoid beer slides and show up at the D-Hal} for Taco Bar night. But I guess until then, re- member, I’m a big fan! . 5 ':-OK, —I’m sure some 'of'youf. have no elite wholarni If you -.~ . ; .watch_eti-i_lome Team Sports ‘ togimoreithan 15 minutes ata ; = time, chances areyou’v'e seen‘ ;{m_e. ~;J’m the gufwearing the ';: ._w_li_ite HTS cap and shi_rt.whoV ' gives the,promtiona!s‘for ttp- ‘ ‘ events. Occasionally, ji. ge,t_.to‘go to cook placestike " ’skiing1‘or to a ‘baseball .dia_-E: '_ rrioxidjbutlnrostofthegtime, I fv3"3=é°>li;"st‘a’nd‘ifI' the st::di5 land.sor_ne high-profile broad’-‘ :: ; studio with 300 televisions . Why the hell do they need 300 We if ‘- they’re all tuned to the same i were stuck in a dead end job? ‘ can stay on this side of the. orbust on any of the oounsel—. I Hey, Johnny here, BIG I Solisaid sure. Scott was 3:, -_i~p.re_t§y to be around, but? ’r*:‘got enough sleep. , , ‘got these wild ideas; at story he wrote else?’ ‘ I ir1ij=.‘tiiii::ginthiscoli:nin;tiu£.‘‘-; , —_ OCR::/Vol_095_096/WLURG39_RTP_19960329/WLURG39_RTP_19960329_005.2.txt 1 I‘ ' " ~=- " " -=~' ""2"" "" ' -"" ' ' ' 1 -(Il~'.\.\I l'|{-|’l \ MOI ll-l)Ul)(}l Oi/alum‘/range and L U B E COLLEGE SQUARE (Next to Kroger) *QUIGK $ 1 9.95 LUBE INCLUDES: °Auto Transmission Check °Up to 5 Quarts 10W/30 Valvoline Oil °Filter Chassis Lube * most cars JR /\ The F?ing—tum Phi: We’re not makin this 0 Our ALL YOU CAN EAT Sunday Breakfast Buffet can handle the BIGGEST appetite. The Buffet is served from 8:00 a.m. until 1:30 p.m. We’ll be waiting for you. Berky’s Route 11 North - Lexinton VA W&L Students Reserve your se1f—storage unit now for the summer months Goon DEii°§§l3$’§ i.‘2§?.'iig"J$n Basement of Domino’s Pizza ‘_O '2. _. > \ C > . 7 .3 ‘/7 7 . x—- C . 2 5*, 2 . 7 _ /_v :- '-’. . x . C : 2/" "P _. 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E \ : : l I I l : S l : E I I i ~XX$hZ1$ZZZZ‘ZZZZ$ZZZj—fl OCR::/Vol_095_096/WLURG39_RTP_19960329/WLURG39_RTP_19960329_007.2.txt Clhiz ifting-tum ifilti @ne Acts: from the c[irect0r’5 chat’ r 9 Dudley, golf team prevail at W&L Invitational E) VOLUME 96, NO. 19 -a .3. WASHINGTON AND LEE UNIVERSITY Just ducky! Betsy Green, Phi Photo Editor As Spring Term approaches so do the proverbial April showers. The rainy day on Thursday will be followed by a sunny and warm weekend. See Weekend Weather for details. ‘W&L Life educates campus BY JAY WHITE Phi Staff Writer Washington and Lee has a new organization on campus, W&L Life. The purpose of W&L Life is to educate the campus about general health issues such as health and wellness, nutrition, exercise, sexu- ally transmitted diseases, AIDS, alcohol and substance abuse, eating disorders, and sexual- ity. Founders Mary Lynn King, Karlene N. Jennings, both seniors, and University Health Educator, Jan Kaufman came up with the idea for bringing the organization to Washington and Lee after attending the Virginia State Alco- hol held in Richmond last October. At the conference King, Jennings, and Kaufman viewed a performance by the mem- bers of “Straight Talk” from Longwood Col- lege concerning sexual assault. The gyst ofthe performance was peer education, that is, edu- cating and counseling students on a more egali- tarian level, rather than the same coming from Steven“ Fanning‘. Acuff A Maggie Ogilvie Alvin” an adult source. From “Straight Talk,” which performed at Washington and Lee this past week, the founders of W&L Life gleaned ideas on how to present material and information to students. Now firmly established at Washington and Lee, W&L Life takes the place of several cam- pus organizations and committees: Health Education, SAGE (Sexual Awareness Group Educators), AIDS education project, The WELL (Wellness Eaating Living and Learning) Group, and the Alcohol Review Committee. Under King, Jennings, and Kaufman are a group of 70 “LIFErs.” These peer educators were initially nominated by faculty and student leaders, and then further interviewed by King, Jennings, and Kaufman. Of the over 200 initial nominees, 70 were chosen as peer educators. The educators repre- sent ten fraternities, all sororities, and nearly all campus organizations. The LlFErs are more group-oriented than the Peer Counselors, who focus more on one- to-one counseling and support. Junior Chris Higgs, one of the new peer if A Mary, Jdimjahoney Vice President Reps » Z. Taylor Shultz Chris Baldwin Stefan N etimeister educators expressed his personal goals for the new organization. “I want to further educate myself on prob- lems we all face so that, in return, I can inform other people.” Mary Lynn King expressed her desire for W&L Life to continue long after she and Jennings graduate. ‘‘I would like to see W&L Life continue through the Fall and ensuing years, sponsoring programs for various student groups and cam- pus events so that all W&L students may learn more concerning wellness and health issues.” The organization would intially like to per- form as a part of Freshman orientation. As King and Jennings are graduating, they have been conducting interviews for leadership positions, as well as coordinating three sub- groups concerning Alcohol and Substance Abuse, Sexuality, and Health and Wellness. The organization enjoys complete univer- sity support and is looking forward to the pros- pects of educating and counseling on a group level to students in the near future and a training program in the Spring Term. Greta ataxia E.C. Reps James Haslanri . Brad Baker LEXINGTON, VIRGINIA FD: Successes and surprises //’ BY DAVID BALSLEY Phi Staff Writer This last weekend witnessed Washing- ton and Lee’s eighty-ninth annual Fancy Dress Ball. Although hailed as a success by the student body, this year’s F.D. included a few unwanted surprises. The SAB began the weekend by spon- soring Coolio in the Pavilion on Thursday evening. Anticipated with trepidation, Coolio’s performance delighted some and disappointed others. Freshman Mary Celeste Foster com- mented that she initially had been con- cerned about the rumors of Coolio’s poor performance in past concerts, but added that she enjoyed the show. This enthusiasm was not shared by all members of the W&L community. Betsy Howe, a sophomore, remarked that she did not like Coolio’s performance, stating that “he talked too much.” First-year law student Scott DeMai1ino encapsuled the feelings of some of W&L’s students, commentingthat he did not attend the show because he simply is not “a Coolio man.” MARCH 29, 1996 Despite the mixed approval of the student body, the concert’s huge turnout seems to testify to its success. As Chris Wick, Entertainment Chairman of the SAB stated, “There were at least 1,804 people who enjoyed that show.” The Coolio concert provided the weekend’s first minor crisis. According to Chris Wick, early in the evening a ticket was turned in which did not match the tickets sold by the SAB. “One came in that was just a little darker blue,” he commented. The Rockbridge Area student who attempted to use this ticket was turned away, as were three others who produced similarly counterfeited tickets. Wick indicated that plans are being made to prevent the spread of counterfeit tickets in the future, including the use of computers to create tickets which would be more difficult to reproduce. Wick did not feel that the appearance of counterfeit tickets at the concert dampened its success, stating that finding four counterfeit tickets out of thousands of legitimate ones was “not bad.” Through the persever- ance of some of W&L’s students, the Warner Center became Alice’s Wonderland on Friday evening. The night’s fes- tivities were generally enjoyed by all. Freshman John Farringer enjoyed being able to choose between Guy Lombardo’s Royal Canadians and The Freddy Jones Band, and Mike Callahan, also a freshman, stated that the evening was the “best time I ever had.” Sarah Wood, a junior, commented that this year’s theme was the best that she has witnessed, but added that she wished more had been done with that theme. A second crisis occurred on the evening of the Ball. Near the end of FD, students began to carry away the decorations which had filled the Warner Center. Fancy Dress Chairman Ashley Bell commented that this was disappointing because the decorations had been promised to the local high school for their prom, because the people who had created those decorations were thereby denied the products of their hard work, and lastly because some of the things which were taken were rented. Bell speculated that the students may have assumed that they were permitted ‘to take the decorations because they were allowed to take flowers last year. She added, “For future reference, ' FD decorations should not be taken apart.” Despite FD’s difficulties, this year’s ball has been a success both socially and financially. The financial success of this year’s Ball had not been anticipated; by the conclusion of the weekend, however, Committee Auditor Jen Greenly could state that this year’s FD had made a “slight profit.” According to Greenly, the Ball had been budgeted for $65,000, but costed only about $60,000. Fancy Dress pays for itself through the sale of tick- ets and memorabilia. Aturnoutwhich was greater than what had been expected, as well as the successful sale of both current and old memorabilia, combined to provide the funds necessary for the Ball, as well as a surplus. Plans are already being made for the surplus; Ashley Bell com- mented that the money may be put into a fund for next year’s FD, or it may be spent on an FD ‘ band for this spring. Bell prefers the lat- teroption,commenting that the FD Committee and the senior class should have the oppor- tunity to reap the ben- efits of their labor. Bell added that all plans are currently ten- tative. .1-_o;.:.,¢1.v.-v. v.,u. Ll. -.-. OCR::/Vol_095_096/WLURG39_RTP_19960329/WLURG39_RTP_19960329_008.2.txt Page 8 The Ring-tum PiiiMarci'1 29, 1996 FROM THE DIRECTOR'S CHAIR “The plays cover a wide range of topics and time periods, from the 13th century to the present day,” says Professor Thomas Ziegler. “They’re all basically about sex in some way or other, but it’s spring and people’s attention turns toward those kinds of things.” The One Act Festival has been an annual event on campus for over 20 years. Comprised of completely student-run productions, the Festical showcases the talents of the entire theater department. Work on the Festival. began in January, when advanced directing students selected plays and held auditions. Over the following 11 weeks they worked on Ii ghting and scenic design classes to create the sets and prepare for opening night. The six final products have been dividendinto two bills. The first--set opened on Wednesday night and the second will open this Frida. No tickets are required, and‘all are invited to attend. Taraii Grant Plii Staff Writer A week after Coolio and his “explicit lyrics” came to campus, a parental advisory note has been posted outside the Lenfest box officc reading, “The One Act plays contain adult situations and strong language. Not suitable for children.” This year’s one acts promise to bring not only adult content but, continuing tradition, a rich display of talent to W&L’s stage. Some unusual works will indeed be a part of the Annual Festival of One Acts, works that are not typically produced during the theater season. A Saturday, 2 p.m.; Monday, 8 p.m. “I’m definitely not a feminist but I had a great time playing the part,” said Erin Mullaney, who plays Alicia (the “Fervent Femi- nist”). “I understand that frustra- tion with her husband; there is a lot of miscommunication in their re- lationship. The problem is that Alicia doesn’t acknowledge that it’s a misunderstanding on both sides.” _The Cow oy, The In- dian, _ t e Fervent Femzmst centers around a powerstruggle between Alicia and her husband, Stanford (Jed Hazlet), who has taken on the persona of a cowboy. ' “The cowboy is very retro; he thinks and acts like a cowboy and the feminist attempts to deal with him on his level.” said Director Maria Hardin. “She talks about the suffragettes, women’s move- ment in the cowboy era, and tries to bring him, kicking and scream- ing, into the 20th century.” Nearing the edge of her sanity, Alicia turns to Dr. Bibberman (Ian Leavey) for help. However, Stanford manages to convince the doctor that he is his Indian side- Director Emily Pfister wanted to choose a play that had a message concerning the importance of toler- ance, She found exactly what she was looking for in Dou Wri ht’s drama, T heSt0newa er a - ture. “It spoke to me a lot,” explained Pfister, who considers herself to be a survivor of adolescent strife. “The play is about peer abuse; it focuses on two people who actually give into it all. I think it should warn other people not to.” Pfister wanted the character Whitney (played by Gary Hill) to parody the stereotypical W&L, stu- dent dressed in khakis and a polo shirt. Whitney’s greatest desire is to be accepted by his high school’s foot- ball team, the “cool guys” in their backwater town. Instead, he becomes the victim of their ridicule. He turns to his best friend Carlyle (Andrea Rosa) for help. But Carlyle ends up being the one needing Whitney’s support after the team gang rapes her at a barn party. The two teenagers seek redemp- tion in each other. Dreamers was written by Shel Silverstein; however, those students expecting a live performance of the childhood favorite Where the Side- walk Ends will be in for quite a sur- prise. Director Chris Buford initially thought that Dreamers “would be a quirky, funny play suitable for both children and adults." A page into the script, he realized his misconception and laughed the rest of the way through. Set in a bathroom, two disgruntled plumbers plumb not only the sink but the human psyche. Richie (played by Joe Merlino), on of the plumbers, has had a dream that makes him question his sexuality. His wisecracking sidekick coworker Nick (Tory Noto) tries to convince him that dreams aren’t something to get all clogged up about. “It’s funny and it’s very realistic,” said Merlino who plays the part of Richie. “Hopefully when the audience watches it they’ll think they are watch- ing two plumbers talking like every day plumbers.” Only in solitude can one realize the beauty of the sound of a voice. This is only part of the wisdom that a Japanese woman shares with her unex ected visitor in Dan Tiptpn’s play he Sound of a Voice. Zach Hanks stars as a samurai who sets out on a journey to find glory by destroying a woman who is known to the village as “the witch in the woods.” What he finds is a beautiful, lonely woman (played by Hillary Lewis) who offers weary travelers food and shelter. The only spell she casts on him is an incantation of kindness. The samurai is intrigued by the woman and he realizes that the longer he stays with her, the more difficult it will be to leave. In her world of serenity, he can’t find inner peace because he is haunted by the shame that he can’t bring himself to kill this “witch.” “The man must choose between following the dictates of a society that holds duty and honor above all, or the dictates of his heart,” Hanks describes his character. “He can be man or samurai or both.” B Friday, 8 p.m.; Sunday, 2 p.m.; Tuesday, 8 p.m. Law student Kristopher Ahrend plays Yuri, a vampire who refuses to die. After trapping him in a cof- fin, the town decides to hold an exorcism to stop his pranks and hauntings. Misha (Michael Leaser), the 11-year-old nephew of Yuri, is left in charge of the coffin the night before the exorcism and the play focuses on the conversation that they have that night. To Kernan chose 0 direct Wzl Rose Branc es be- cause he feels that the characters “represent many different aspects of [his] life and personality and the show is a catharsis for an anxious senior who is about to enter a world that at once excites him and at other times frightens him.” Kernan’s cast, however, hasn’t had as easy of a time relating to the characters. “As far as I see, a vampire who refuses to die doesn’t have any ob- vious parallels with a future law- yer,” laughed Ahrend, who did his undergraduate work in theater. “But I like my character. It’s a heck of a part to step back into the theater with, but I’ve enjoyed the chal- Sheri Hamilton was in quite a predicament when it came to finding props for this sex comedy by Terrence McNaully. “I just didn’t know where to look for the S.M. things,” explained Hamilton. “We bought some of the things at the Virginia Horse Center and ended up making up the rest.” A Sedan chair, riding crops, a bull whip, and a “eat of nine tails” are just some of the props that are involved in N 0071, a play about five characters who seek meaning- less sex through personal ads. Director Denis Riva believes that he has chosen the perfect cast for his play, describing them as “an ex- tremely talented group of people.” His actors and actresses were warned at auditions about the “scant- ily clad” roles and erotic scenes. “I have a whole new appreciation for Kurt Douglas in Sparticus,” said Rob Neel who plays Cecil, a dominatrix. After weeks of rehearsals, they are ready to toss in a little voyeur- ism. Ienge.” kick. Fargo’ s Humor with an Edge Kiri: Susong Plii Reviewer Fargo: fl fi '{ _ _ Ethan and Joel Coen are probably the two most talented film makers in America today. These gifted brothers have co-written six films, all of them directed by Ethan, and produced by Joel._ Their first feature, Blood Simple, is easily among my ‘top-ten favorite films, and RaisingArizona, starring Nicholas Cage and Holly Hunter, is a cult classic. So it was with great anticipation that I saw their latest feature _ The movie revolves around a set of events that took place in Minnesota in 1987. When Jerry Lundegaard (William Macy) needs several hundred thousand dollars to cover a failed scheme, he knows his rich father-in-law will not help him. So he devises a plan: hire some thugs to kidnap his wife, demand a ransom from the father-in-law for the safe return of his daughter, and split the money with the kidnappers. No one gets hurt, he can pay off his debts, and everything turns out happy - or so the plan goes. Unfortunately, things almost immediately begin to go wrong, and the result IS ultimately nothing but a lot of unhappiness. _ O _ What gives this film its real edge, and where we see the Coen brothers’ distinctive touch, is that it is filmed not as an unfolding drama but as a black comedy. The heroine of the film in Margie Gunderson (Frances McDonnand), sheriff in Brainerd, Minnesota. She is a remarkable, earthy, genuinely nice woman, who also happens to be ‘seven months pregnant. Her condition makes every aspect of her police work tinged with the absurd. When she investigates the scene of two slayings, she feels nauseous - not from the blood and gore of the murder scene, but from morning sickness. The same sort of odd humor infects every part of the film. We hear distinctive midwestern accents and see sturdy homes and mid-line American sedans. all within the context of random, malicious violence. This isn’t a cynical, rough, or depressed there are a few bad eggs in the basket who are spoiling everyone’s picnic. ’ “ . A good example of this brand of black comedy is the scene where Shentt Ivlurgie captures the principal wrong-doer. The setting is a lonely fishing cabin l'1C.\lt0lIil'0ZCI‘I lake; in the dead of winter everything is white. When the sheriff turn her head around a corner, what does she see? The demented kidnapper, trying to destroy :1 human leg in a wood chipper. There is a huge stream ofred coming from the chipper. standing out from the whiteness all around. He looks up, as ifcaught in the middle ofbziking biscuits. The whole scent is full of complete incongruities. The situation is repulsive. but the characters act as if nothing abnormal is going on. The result is that when I came away from Fargo, I was left with a lot of mixed emotions. On the one had the random violence and the complete breakdown of the kidnapping plan were disturbing, hinting at the arbitrariness of a Godless world. Conversely, the police catch their man, the wrongdoers are punished, and sotiftelives go on perfectly unmolested, happy, content and successful. Basically this film is Hoosiers meets Bonnie & Clyde, meets Heathers. It’s a well-made but confueedaafilaar-and I emerged mysteriously unsatisfied. But I suppose that is sort oftheir point; after all, this is a cinematic re-telling of very real, very confusing events. says Fisher. ‘ A Jhe exact history ‘Stillman, before gat ering ., ' " opinions with fellow meat,‘ " “We get together and 3 ‘ . Fisher recalls. The result? - . r A- 40 pages of student art- ‘Ii ‘ I tions, but sheer interest is V “We’re alwaysbokittg fornewpea ewith- ' new ideas,” Fis§ier;affi_rms __ 3 Qualifications 81’€i8'lPOT‘33§1§f9.i't.il€lifiPi . poemsghe 40 page length’, . l_,1While thefcriticism is ofte , I I1 leveled at the Ariel staff thatthe work of staff members‘ dominates those Works published, Stillman emphasizes tha_t'eVeryone’s work receives equal attention. . . , gazirieigattra s. submis- file variety, of students.§ Fisher A __ . tlie’s_'taif eonsidered,over.70 ; studentworks of art and1iterature£er_the winter Background art from cover art, Trans: tion, by Jason Treat. ,_-vs OCR::/Vol_095_096/WLURG39_RTP_19960329/WLURG39_RTP_19960329_009.2.txt The Ring-tum Phi, March 29, 1996 it Ellie ifltttg-tum lfllti The Student Voice of Washington and Lee Founded September 18, 1897 And the Oscar goes to... Like millions of Americans, many Washington l and Lee students watched all or at least some of the 68th Annual Academy Awards Monday night. Undoubtedly, you were bedazzled by all the glitter, glamour, and style. Likewise, you yawned at the meaningless and unending acceptance speeches that droned on and on and on... ' You remember those actors who thanked everyone from the director of the film down to the guy who applied their rouge during the breaks. Well, The Ring-tum Phi is not up for any awards this year, but we refuse to be outdone by Oscar. , As you may know, our old regime is moving out and the new one is moving in. Emily and Dan wish the new staff well and would also like to take this opportunity to thank everyone who has helped make this year a success. (Don’t worry, we will not drone on forever—our producers said they would cut to commercial if we ran too long.) A very special thanks to our un-sung heros: Associate Editor Michael Hewlett, News Editor Christine Gamavish, Editorial Page Editor Hillary Coombs, Sports Editor Scott Bookwalter, Assistant ‘ Sports Editor Bethany Bauman, Features Editor Cindie Young, Features Editor Courtney e. Miller, Photography Editor Betsy Green, Editorial Car- toonist Phil Flickinger, and Editorial Cartoonist Tom F allace. We would also like to thank our wonderful ansd talented staff writers and columnists: Tarah ‘ Grant, Keri Dunphy, Laura Knapp, Peggy Stuntz, Darcey Livingston, Sara McCrone, Robin Seaton, ». Celeste Rasmussen, Kelley Totten, Jason Zacher,Chris Pugsley, Alex Christensen, Jason ‘ Sorens, Nova Clarke, Joshua Heslinga, Betsy Green, and Richard Weaver. And finally a special thanks to our money- minded business office: Business Manager Bob Nelson, Assistant Business Manager Doug-Gertner, Advertising Manager Jennifer Grant, and Advertis- ing Composition Artist Anne Alvord. To the W&L family Thank you so much for all the support you have given us throughout this horrendous loss we have had to endure. Your wonderful tributes, letters, notes, and contributions have indicated your genuine caring and love for David (D.T.). , Your thoughtfulness has been unending and kept us functioning. The incredible A number of you who came to Baltimore for his service (despite the snow) was a huge tribute to him and really meant a lot to us. Eventually I will get individual “thank yous” written, but I know it will take me a long time, and it is important to me that you know how special you all are and that your kindness has been extremely appreciated. I have never been surrounded by so many wonderful, caring, and loving people. I know you were special to David and that he was very happy at W&L. You are a very caring “family” and will always be part of my life. Good luck with your futures and know that David (D.T.) is smiling and asking you to be careful and try to make good decisions. I am asking that you be careful and make good decisions so that David did not die in vain. My door is always open to you if you are ever in the area. Many many thanks for your support- Very fondly, Midge Thompson (D. T. ’s mom) (lite ‘fling-mm lflht Executive Editors Associate Editor News Editor Editorial Page Editor Sports Editor gm" Bookwane, Assistant Sports Editor Bethany Bauman Features Editor ............................................................. ..Cindie Young, Courtney E. Miller Photography Editor Betsy Gfegn Editorial CarI00ni'i$‘ iii‘??? —gamesinithcf’99s.FecI ‘ I ‘ tournamet_1t’s taterrouads ..comc out of novvheieitlta V year to to.”v:natio .. fumbled vthei.’b«_'tll, V 18 ' ti . b9undswi:hV..Z.§¢‘q9ad$i¢ ‘cake, at’ writes Spot’ ’ -°113mPi°P5VhlP? - :Mi¢1iig&9..??§dV$l¥¥YiY¢¥¥~ one c}ose:‘..giim6}*afte,f the Fab Five might escape . — ,Michigan_didu’t'hav = ,; -Atechu_icalfoalwas;ca __ 7. and UNC’.s' I)onalt't.,W * this game, cither._ Nobody “.stood‘mnch of a’cltao'ce' , ' ‘against i-UNLV,‘ the most .- memorie sr SCOTI‘ Boot°3<=hil B01’ H_“ési1$=3' thetancinaati Bear. 5 5 $136.. , citmati fonyard rocked the: sporting estabiishntcnt by announcittgthatcight,yes,§:<—-1 eight Bearcats can .be:1ch..V over 300 pounds, Missis»-pp sippi State"; obviousiy e V Bearcats at their own" go and‘, named,‘ at trip?-:03" Final Four.,VT1fh.,is Te his good, days; ranting raving over 5 thc}'»’iack“{‘of fouls calittd; white. Bali-"ft dogs coach W34“ liams, who has spentthc‘ ——_.i whole tournament whine ‘ ing about”the‘=}3uildogs’. lack of respect, finaliy had I -‘ . something to smile about. Mississippi . State‘ is-‘ ciassic exampie ofa t , that bumbles around d_Ll2"~.< ing the regular season, . gets hot at tournament time... .1. and charges ,throt1gltt_ brackets. Mucitof this be attributed to the , shooting of forward 5. Dontae Jones, who is _i-_ bringingbackmemoriesof Michigarfs Glen Rice the 1989 tourn‘ameat.. ;i ’ Meanwhile, Syracuseg: has put together an out- . standing run of its own,_ff puilirig off conscctitiv.e£”' he art-stopping? tiictorie , against Georgia and Kan» sas to reach the Fine} Four ‘A ._ ‘ and exercise‘ gitostsof ‘C past totunanzentifaihzres. ~ V » V 5 SP9?-Ki*¥g*0f*9“.1' narnent memories, _I compiled a list of the’? , best NCAA‘ tournajn ‘ to disagree, atthoughicee in mind _ that"‘I’m_§fm3i'aI sticking toif ga,tncs'3'in' t which carry more weigh 4.Ciemsoa‘v’s.UCoun,i V l 3990 regiotiat_sc‘mifina!;‘V Q — You have aproailyl j memory if you rcmetgtber " this game..1‘UConn "ha pxominencégbut playingintheir ast season, sectningiyi the Huskies" xulagicai year when it h_i_t,a iayu{5fota?t}e' 69 toad with a; ‘mere .1. secondsleft-. But thenSco ,3 Burrell, who doubted as at; minor league baseball» pitcher, huried the ball length of the couiftto George; was céélaaly. the winningbaskets with baseline jumper‘ i I 70 win. Ironiwtil 6.0.1812. in UConn’s next game Duke’s Christian taetta" hi£thefiI$!0fhiS_£foV9Sh0 Heard Round the World: " .. 3..NorthCaroliaa‘ Michigan';1993natio ; other‘:"durin‘g‘ this Vtoitrn ment, audit aPPe3.r€d mat,» again when it took control? ‘ ' of the ball, trailing 7331.‘ . 1\«iichigan’sChrisWebber, _;j' playing his last cotlegiatec‘ same; -wascornered-gait " cooity. cailed _aTtinteo, ws:n9seconcs1‘et:.Exce liams iced Ithei "1"-7-'71 mu by sinkizigfourstraightfr throwsfhcffab Fiye never returned to the Final Fottrfi 2. Duke Vs.‘ UNLV, '_ i991nat¥ona1 semtftnatt A 5 Duke, the 1990 rut1ue_r.~ 1 . up to UNLV, didn’t figure , ‘ 5 to staad.f;much.chauce“imv ’ ’ * See THE BIG FAN, V. column 6 Ande Jenkins netted four goals by halftime in W&L’s 19-5 win Saturday. By BETHANY BAUMAN Phi Assistant Sports Editor The Washington and Lee Uni- versity men’s lacrosse team added to its already crowded win col- umn last Saturday with a victory over the Polar Bears of Bowdoin College. This was only the second meet- ing ever between the two teams. The first matchup came in 1988, when Bowdoin defeated W&L, 17-11. But the Polar Bears were not destined to continue theirwin- ning ways. The game marked the begin- ning of 24th—ranked Bowdoin’s spring training trip, and the Gen- erals proved more than up to the task of showing the Polar Bears what they need to work on during the season. The ninth-ranked Washington and Lee squad jumped to an early lead, scoring five goals to Bowdoin’s one in the first quarter. The scoring in the first half was led by junior attack Ande Jenkins, who put all four of his goals in before halftime. The Generals opened the sec- ond half with a comfortable 13-2 Photo courtesy of W&L Media Guide Generals continue winning ways versus Hampden-Sydney Baseball team’s 3-2 ODAC log best in sixteen years By CHRIS PUGSLEY Phi Staff Writer tributed four hits, and second baseman Tucker Bixby got credit for that amazing double play that sealed the Hornets’ fate. The Generals’ bats came alive after a slow offensive day against Virginia Wesleyan. But, if you thought the Generals were content at the .500 mark in the ODAC, you obviously were not at Smith Field on Amid all the action of Fancy Dress the Washington and Lee baseball team still managed to play two games this past week and avoid the plague of April showers. The Generals moved above the .500 mark in the ODAC with two straight victories. On Monday, the Generals travelled to Fox Field to battle the Lynchburg Hornets in a key ODAC matchup. The Hornets always seem to be the nemesis of the Generals, defeating Washington and Lee 17-4 and 3-2 last year, the final loss coming on a suicide squeeze bunt in the final inning. But, the Generals would not be denied their due revenge. In what was termed a “slugfest”, the Generals squeezed a 16-15 victory out of a game which saw the Generals smack twenty hits. Senior pitcher Matt Ermigiotti continued his strong pitching and survived a slow start in the first five innings. With his seven innings pitched he now leads the Generals’ staff with over forty total innings pitched. Matt Reedy came on in the ninth and induced an inning-ending double play grounder with the bases loaded and one out to notch another save. Golf team captures W&L Invitational Dudley cards three-under-par 74 at Lexington Country Club By JASON ZACHER Phi Staff Writer The W&L golf team took the Washington and Lee Invitational golf tournament on Tuesday, placing first out of seven teams with a score of 328. Hampden-Sydney placed sec- ond with a 331, Lynchburg fin- ished third with a 335, Bridgewater and Roanoke tied for fourth with 337, and Virginia Wesleyan came in sixth at 348. The Generals were led by Tommy Dudley’s tournament low, a three over par 74. Four other Generals, freshman Rick Burrice, senior Gam Mattingly, sophomore Tim Zink, and fresh- man John Huntingdon also placed in the top 20. Burrice scored an 82, Mattingly shot an 84, and Zink and Huntingdon each carded an 88. Jay Ingram and Trevor Spen- cer both finished with an 89. The Generals will next com- pete at Roanoke on Wednesday. Wednesday. The Generals welcomed archrival Hampden-Sydney to Lexington on Wednesday, determined to continue their winning streak. For a brief moment it looked as if the streak might be over. The Tigers jumped out to a quick 5-0 lead and it looked as if the Generals might lose. But that was short-lived. The Generals inched their way back into the game over the next three innings and exploded to score four runs and hand the Tigers a 9-5 loss. Junior pitcher Rob Boston picked up his first collegiate victory on the mound and pitched masterfully after an initial slow start. Boston kept the Tigers off—balance and kept Tigers’ slugger Mark Hazelwood hitless. Matt Reedy came on in the ninth for the final out and maintained his place as the Generals’ all-time career save leader. Matt Errnigiotti ripped a double to right field to start the scoring barrage and continued his strong play at the bat. The Generals are now 7-7 overall and 3-2 in the ODAC. Washington and Lee plays host to Emory and Henry for a double- header -at Smith Field at 1PM on Saturday. Then, the Generals host Eastern Mennonite for a game at 3PM on Tuesday before exam break. Tuesday’s game will also be carried exclusively on WLUR FM 91.5. Men’s lacrosse crushes Bowdoin Polar Bears edge over the Polar Bears. Sophomore attack Jason Myers quickly netted two goals for Washington and Lee. The Gen- erals went on to win, 19-5, with Jenkins and Myers leading the way with four goals apiece. Junior midfielder Shane McLaughlin, sophomore midfielder Ed Dougherty, and sophomore attack Tom Fallace each added two goals, while se- nior attack Russell Croft, senior midfielder Adam Butterworth, sophomore midfielder Robb Greenfield, and senior midfielder Duncan Slidell each put in one. Washington and Lee’s goaltenders saw more rotation than usual during the matchup with Bowdoin._ Sophomore goalie Scott Jackson, who made five saves for the afternoon, was backed up by junior Chris TeStrake, who blocked three shots, and freshman Chris Noland, who stopped one. The win put W&L at 6-1 for th season so far. a The Generals are now look- ing forward to their next game, which could be one of the tough- est they play all season. They will travel to Pennsylvania to meet the Diplomats of Franklii & Marshall College this Satur- day. » Fifth-ranked F&M goes intt the matchup with a record of3-2- This record includes a win OV( Cortland State, who upset tb Generals in the championshi, round of the W&L Men’s Lad crosse lnvitational earlier in the , season. The Diplomats are led by two of the best attackmcn in Division III, seniors Chris’ Mergardt and Don Gervais. This game could bring back . fond memories for W&L goalie Scott Jackson. During last year’s meeting with the Diplomats, Jackson saw his first substantial playing time of the season, and , turned in a solid performance’ with nine saves and only five allowed goals. The series between Franklin ’ & Marshall and W&L stands a 5-5, with the Generals looking for their first victory over tht Diplomats since 1993. Whichever team wins on Sat u_rday will probably move int the top five of the USILI coaches’ poll, following 12t ranked Middlebury College upset of fourth-ranked Roano v. on Wednesday. J ockShorts THE BIG FAN, from column 1 dominant team in the last de- cade. UNLV was 34-0 on the season and had annihilated ev- eryone in its path, but Duke wouldn’t go quietly into the night. In fact, they didn’t go at all. Laettner nailed two free throws to give Duke a 79-77 lead with about 10 seconds left. A confused Larry Johnson aired up a wild three-pointer as time ran out on UNLV’s perfect sea- Women’s Tennis Photo courtesy of W&L Media Guide T The Generals tee off at the Lexington Country Club ATHLETES 0F Ericka Shapard Shapard had a huge week on the courts as she won the #1 doubles and #2 singles at Guilford, and captured the #2 doubles and the #3 singles versus Mary Washington. THE WEEK Nathan Hottle Men's Swimming Hottle dominated the NCAA Cham- pionships last weekend by winning All- Amcrica awards in the 200 IM, the 200 breast, and the 100 breast. son and Duke escaped with on« of the most stunning upsets ever , 1. Kentucky vs. Duke, 1992 regional final: From halftime on, emotion rode on every basket. Kentucky rallied back from a double-digit, second half deficit, and the lead‘ kept bouncing back and forth through the end of regulation and into overtime. Finally with time running out, Kentucky’s Sean } Woods, one of a few players who ' had remained at UK despite sev- eral years of probation during the Eddie Sutton era, hit a running ‘ jumper in the lane, giving UK a ‘ 103-102 lead. With only 2.1 sec- T onds left, Duke’s repeat title g hopes were all but dashed. But A then Duke’s Grant Hill threw a long outlet pass similar to Burrell’s pass two years earlier. Laettner grabbed it at "the foul ’ line, turned around, and the rest you’ll see forever on CBS’s tour- nament intro. Duke carried its incredible 104-103 win onto an- other national championship _ over, yes, the Fab Five. It would be great if we could see a game in this year’s Final — Four with the same intensity and excitement of one of those five games, as well as the many oth- ers which deserve mention. And - maybe the next Laettner, George, - Rumeal Robinson, Keith Smart, , or Chris Webber will develop.